Jun 21, 2012

Penne Alla Vodka Recipe (Vegetarian, Pescetarian, Vegan)

Eating fresh food and more vegetarian options can help those who want to loose weight or those who are thin, but they want to be healthier. I am thin, but I used to get sick all the time with respiratory infections until I started eating more vegetarian. However, meals must be very balanced with vegetables and protein totaling in proportion to the carbs to loose weight or to get nutritional value.

I made Penne Alla Vodka last night, and I didn't have heavy cream, so I substituted shredded vegan cheese as soy or rice milk would not be creamy enough. You can also use shredded cow's milk cheese if you are a lacto-ovo vegetarian. I am a pescetarian, meaning that I still eat some seafood, such as mollusks and shellfish, and occasionally fish. I was a lacto-vegetarian before, but I got very anemic (black and blues all over my body) because I am susceptible to it as I was born anemic. I made a whole pot for the rest of the week. If you have time, it is a good idea to make tomato sauce from scratch and freeze it as all natural is always better as well as use fresh shrimp and clams. However, I was out of tomatoes and too hungry to go to the grocery store and deal with the lines.



Total time (preparation + cooking): 25-35 minutes
Cooking level: Easy
Total servings: 8 servings equivalent to 2 cups of cooked pasta each

Ingredients

  • 1 4 oz.can Snow's chopped clams in their own juice (reserve juice)
  • 1 10 oz. can Geisha whole baby clams (discard juice as it is mostly salt water)
  • 1 4 oz Bumblebee's baby shrimp
  • Vegan alternative: 2 links Tofurkey or 1 can of mock duck in place of clams or shrimp
  • 1 28 oz can Tuttorosso crushed Tomatoes (4 fresh chopped tomatoes preferred, but I ran out)
  • 1 14 oz can Dole stewed tomatoes (A 6 oz can of tomato paste is  preferred)
  • 6 cloves garlic, chopped
  • 2 medium carrots, shredded (frozen carrots is fine as they retain the nutrients)
  • 1 small bunch of broccoli (frozen broccoli is fine as they retain the nutrients)
  • 1 lb whole wheat penne
  • 1/1 lb semolina penne (you may omit and use all whole wheat, but I ran out)
  • 1 hot red cherry pepper, crushed (red pepper flakes also good)
  • 1/4 cup Vodka (the cheapest Vodka you can find will do)
  • Vegan or Cow's milk cheese (1 inch x 2 inches x 2 inches), shredded
  • 1 tbs fresh minced basil (I keep my herbs in the freezer to keep them fresh and readily available.)
  • 1/2 tbs fresh thyme
  • 1/2 tbs fresh oregano
  • 1/4 tsp sea salt, or to taste
  • 1/4 tsp fresh peppercorns, grated, or to taste 

Cooking Directions
  1. Put a pot of water to boil.
  2. On medium heat, fry garlic in 2 tbsp of olive oil until lightly browned. Add crushed red pepper and saute another 30 seconds.
  3. Vegans: slice Tofurkey or mock chicken and fry for 5 minutes. Skip steps 4 and 9.
  4. Add clam juice
  5. Lower heat and add vodka
  6. Add broccoli and shred carrots with a potato peeler and add as you go. I do this to save time on preparation and to eliminate too many dishes to wash.
  7. Simmer for 1 minute, then add crushed and stewed tomatoes.
  8. Add thyme, basil and oregano. They wilt too fast and loose flavor if you add them too early.
  9. Add salt to taste and grate black peppercorns on top to taste.
  10. Add clams and shrimp. 
  11. At this time, your pasta water should be boiling, so add pasta and a dash of salt.
  12. Simmer on low heat for 10 minutes. 
  13. Remove pasta and drain in a colander.
  14. Turn off the sauce. Plate pasta and add sauce on top. Bon apetit.

OCD Perfectionism & Criticism

I desire perfectionism - it is not due to ego or society, but because I just prefer and enjoy seeing a perfectly organized closet or a perfectly punctuated/written piece of work. However, I cannot be perfect in everything or even half of the things I want to be so because I just don't have the time and energy to achieve that, and this causes me a lot of issues because I have had OCD perfectionism for as long as I can remember. As a child, I was highly functioning, so it aided me in some ways, but as I became socialized in my pre-teens, it started slowly to become maladaptive perfectionism as I became aware of the expectations of others and also aware that I didn't always fit in or relate to people 100% or as much as others seemed to relate. The other thing that I struggle with is moderate, chronic depression, which is why on some days, I am not at my best and just don't have the energy to get get things done perfectly or to my standards. This, then often leads me to not doing anything at all by procrastinating and doing more distracting and less stressful things, such as surfing the web, reading non-related books than my studies, etc. In the end, though, it makes me feel more depressed to not have worked towards my goals. One other thing I struggle with is social anxiety. I am certain that many people with OCD perfectionism struggle with this as well. We desire to portray a perfect image to the world or to play the perfect role in whatever situation, and since we are already hard on ourselves due to perfectionism, any criticism hits us 100 times harder than it does someone without OCD. Sometimes people may not even be critical, but we feel we falter on how we should be in a certain role.

For instance, I have social skills and am not an awkward person, but I am also an introvert. I turn on the outgoing switch when the time and situation calls for it, and I think I do well enough with it as I make acquaintances easily. However, doing it daily or even a few times a week is absolutely exhausting for me. I sometimes feel guilty for seeing friends and family only once every week or two weeks. I am not working now, so I have the time, and although I love my friends and family and enjoy seeing them, I really just want to be alone most of the time. To add to that, sometimes my depression will act up, and I do not want to interact with people, except for my husband who sees me and accepts me and is rarely critical. (My husband is not goth, but his normalcy gives me a sense of balance, which is something I need  with these issues.) So, I will avoid going outside for days at a time and even put off errands and chores because I feel guilty for being in society and not engaging in it by small talk or polite greeting. However, due to my OCD, I feel guilty to do this or not to see friends and family because I feel like I am not fulfilling my role as polite member of society, daughter, sister, friend, employee, acquaintance, even member of the goth community (since I don't like clubs and rarely go to shows), etc. For friends, family members and bosses/colleagues who can be critical, but who I am sure mean no real harm to me, I sometimes dread talking to them or hanging out with them, even though I love them because I get anxious about possible judgment, expectation and criticism when I don't do what they want or see fit. I have even projected and judged them in return and thought that they are negative people, so I will not hang with them. However, although they might have some judge-mental tendencies, they are not blatantly offensive, and I do want them in my life, and with some, I have to deal with for work, so I have to work on not letting the standards and criticisms of others add to my already too high and unforgiving standards that I have on myself.

My advice to those who struggle with the same things as I do is to try to be mindful if criticisms are your own or that of others. It is really important to build self esteem and a personal value system, so you are not affected by the words or expectation of others. No matter what someone thinks and say to you, even if you have to grin and bear it to get on in your family or at your job, please practice trying to not let it penetrate to your self worth. I have done that in the past, and small criticisms added up and became so debilitating that I quit several very good job that I now regret leaving, especially now that the paralegal market is so slow and because I really did enjoy working with my boss and colleagues. I just let the criticism that anyone experiences in any job affect me. It was due to my desire to be perfect, so if anyone saw imperfection in me, I took it really hard, and rather than deal with the issue, my defense mechanism was avoidance and to run/quit. Sometimes we just don't want to let people down, but we really can't please everyone all the time. However, all these experiences, as painful and regretful as they are now, has led me to have no choice but to accept that my OCD perfectionism is a problem that cannot be ignored and that has to be worked on continuously, and maybe even for the rest of my life, since it is genetic as well as from my pre-teen upbringing to now.

Remember to be kind to yourself and not too critical. People with OCD perfectionism and depression are their own worse enemies, and that is why the criticism from others becomes unbearable. However, realize that your intense emotional (hidden, not displayed often in my case) to the criticism of others is because you are not forgiving on yourself. Taking it on yourself easy does not mean inertia as that will make the OCD and depression worse. Being kind to yourself means getting up after each bout or fall, small or large, and not determining your self worth by results. Many people with depression and OCD are kind and gentle people to others, but not to ourselves. I consistently have to remind myself that I would not be so unforgiving on a friend if she made a mistake or didn't perform well enough. I still struggle with it, but I think it will get better with consistent practice. Lack of consistency and structure has been my downfall. However, it is never too late to get better or improve, even little by little. Babies fall numerous times a day, and we still love them just the same and encourage them on. Begin the practice of nurturing yourself in the same way.

Jun 20, 2012

Therapy & Personality Disorders (Batfit Health Challenge)

Le Professeur Gothique asked for a Batfit Challenge assessment recently. While I did not start the challenge six months ago at it's original juncture, I would like to now as I am periodically and continuously seeking to improve, although I lack consistency. It got me thinking about mental health, and my current and past state, and how I have grown as well as how I can improve.

We don't live in a perfect world, and many try to avoid the negative in life by running from it or avoiding it. One thing I have found common in many goths (though not all as nothing is absolute) of all genres and backgrounds is the willingness to face themselves head on and look at both the good and the bad in life as well as themselves. I think that it takes courage for anyone regardless of what group or subculture they are in to look at themselves and want to understand, change and improve.

I know that many people are inherently goth from their natural tastes and dispositions. At least, I know I am that way. Concurrently, many goths are highly sensitive persons (HSP), introverted or struggling with depression or another personality disorder. It is just the cards dealt by biology or behavioral environment. The same occurs for mainstream society. I don't feel that goths are obsessed with suicide, dying or death like the common misconception of those not in the subculture. Goths just choose to explore death and depression if they are depressed, rather than run from it. I know that like many people with depression, goths or mainstream, some probably have thought about or attempted suicide, but for many thankfully, it is a learning experience. I have had depression for a number of years and OCD perfectionism, and did not come into the goth subculture because of it. I was already predisposed to darker tastes and interested in darker literature as a result of these issues.  I don't like to talk about it with random people nor do I like to bring it up too much because I feel selfish to dominate a conversation with my issues, but it's great to know that I can talk about it without feeling judged, and actually feel understood as I find many goths have a deeper understanding of things.

Below is a listing of personality disorders. I list them because I think the first step to helping oneself is to recognize some traits that you have that may be affecting your life and your functioning. Recognizing those traits is the first step to improving oneself. If your symptoms and habits are drastically affecting your life, please seek medical attention in the form of psychotherapy or medication on the advice of a psychiatrist. If you are not completely sure what your issues are, a psychologist or psychiatrist can help clarify things and also lead you into cognitive behavioral therapy. Even if you understand yourself, it can be difficult to change if you are not very vigilant and aware of your detrimental thoughts and emotions. I have been employing my own methods of self-help for years for my OCD and depression, but they are not always fool-proof, especially in stressful times, so I might try therapy also. I usually employ the techniques of mindfulness, pranayama yogic breathing, yoga, write poetry and journal to help myself. Sometimes, though, even with awareness, we need a therapist to help uncover and change underlying negative attitudes and behaviors, so I believe I will visit a therapist in the future to see if it is helpful to uncover and change negative self view as well as clarify other things. One thing that I would like to clarify myself is that while I am not shy and don't mind speaking in public, I am very sensitive to criticism or fear being judged only by people I respect or value, such as close friends, close family or authority figures (bosses, professors, etc.), but not strangers as much. On some days, I also dislike small talk with strangers or people I am not close to or just want to be alone away from everyone, so I will avoid going to shops where I generally chit chat with the owners. However, I would not call it a fear of people, even in those days. I think these things fall in the line of depression, OCD, social anxiety or avoidance personality disorder, but sometimes I can't put my finger on if the feeling causes the behavior or if the behavior/situation causes the feeling. This is something a therapist would be able to give me a more objective view on.

In regards to therapy, I believe that going to a trained psychologist or psychiatrist, rather than a therapist with little educational background. It is also a good idea to get a therapist trained in your issue area, if you are aware of it on some level. I am a very private person (ironic because I am blogging about issues here, but I do so to help others), so I want to make sure that the person I am opening up to on deep issues is not trained, and that I will not have to go to multiple people to find someone who understands my issues. Psychologists and psychiatrists have clinical training as well as educational training and have confidentiality and ethical codes that they follow. Therapy can be very expensive, so you should expect good quality service as well. Here is a link to find a therapist in your area. You can filter by training type, gender, specialty, and more.

Summary of the Personality Disorders

Schizothymic
Hyperesthetic

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder
 

Perfectionism; inflexibility; correctness; self-righteousness; authoritarianism; workaholism; indecisiveness; overconscientiousness; scrupulousness; restricted expression of affection; parsimony; obstinacy; orderliness; hoarding. 
 
Avoidant Personality Disorder
Social discomfort; fear of negative evaluation; timidity; sensitivity to criticism and disapproval; introversion; social anxiety; fear of embarrassment; fear of rejection; social isolation; yearning for affection and acceptance. 
Paranoid Personality Disorder
Distrust; suspiciousness; expectations of being exploited; questioning the loyalty of friends; reading hidden demeaning and threatening meanings into benign remarks or events; bearing grudges; being easily slighted; questioning the fidelity of spouse. 
Histrionic Personality Disorder
Excessive emotionality and attention-seeking; dependence upon reassurance, approval, and praise; sexual seductiveness; overconcern with physical attractiveness; emotional exaggeration and shallow expression of emotions; self-centeredness; strong drive for immediate gratification of desires; impressionistic speech.


Anesthetic

Sadistic Personality Disorder
Cruel, demeaning, aggressive behavior; physical cruelty; dominance; humiliating people in public; harshly disciplining those under their control; pleasure in harming or inflicting pain; intimidation; restricting the autonomy of others; fascination with violence, weapons, martial arts, injury, or torture. 
Schizotypal Personality Disorder
Deficits in interpersonal relatedness; peculiarities of ideation, appearance, and behavior; ideas of reference; excessive social anxiety; odd beliefs or magical thinking; unusual perceptual experiences; odd, eccentric behavior or appearance; having no close friends or confidants; odd speech; inappropriate or constricted affect; suspiciousness or paranoid ideation. 
Compensatory Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Low self-esteem; pseudo-confidence; exhibitionism; pretentiousness; constant striving for prestige; intellectual narcissism; delusions of superiority; deceitfulness; manipulativeness; cynicism; confidence games; idealized object representations; defense mechanism of externalization; fragmentation of the self, feelings of emptiness and deadness; proud, hubristic temperament; megalomania; hypochondriasis; impulsiveness; substance abuse; self-destructiveness. 
Schizoid Personality Disorder
Indifference to social relationships; restricted range of emotional experience and expression; avoiding close relationships; always choosing solitary activities; phlegmatic temperament; rarely experiencing strong emotions; avoiding sexual experiences; indifference to praise and criticism; having no close friends or confidants; constricted affect: aloofness, coldness, and little reciprocation of gestures or facial expressions.

Cyclothymic
Depressive
Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder
Passive resistance to demands for adequate social and occupational performance; procrastination; sulkiness, irritability, and argumentativeness when asked to do something; working deliberately slowly or doing a bad job; unjustified protests that others make unreasonable demands; claims to have "forgotten" obligations; rating own job performance much higher than others do; resenting useful suggestions; obstructing others by not doing own job; criticizing and scorning those in authority. 
Depressive Personality Disorder
Depressive cognition and behavior; dejection, gloominess, cheerlessness, joylessness, unhappiness; low self-esteem; beliefs of inadequacy and worthlessness; criticism, blaming, and derogation of self; brooding and worry; negativism, criticism, and judging of others; pessimism; remorsefulness and guilt feelings.

Masochistic Personality Disorder
Self-defeating behavior; undermining or avoidance of pleasurable experiences; involvement in situations and experiences which bring suffering; rejection or prevention of help from others; entering into relationships which bring disappointment, failure, and mistreatment; depression, guilt, and accidents in reaction to positive personal events; provocation of angry and rejecting responses from others; failure to accomplish tasks crucial to self-interest; rejection of those who treat them well; excessive, unsolicited self-sacrifice. 
Dependent Personality Disorder
Dependent and submissive behavior; excessive dependence upon advice and reassurance; allowing others to make important personal decisions; agreeing with others to avoid being rejected; lack of initiative; doing unpleasant and demeaning tasks for the sake of acceptance; feelings of helplessness when alone; feelings of devastation and helplessness when relationships end; being easily hurt by criticism and disapproval.

Hypomanic
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
High self-esteem; grandiosity; lack of empathy; an arrogant, haughty attitude; interpersonal exploitation; grandiose sense of self-importance; exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements; conviction of uniqueness, specialness; belief that they can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions); fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love; sense of entitlement; requiring constant attention and admiration; feelings of envy, believes that others are envious. 
Antisocial Personality Disorder
Irresponsible, antisocial behavior; failure to honor financial obligations; failure to be a responsible parent; failure to plan ahead; inability to sustain consistent work behavior; failure to conform to social norms; antisocial acts that are grounds for arrest, e.g., destroying property, harassing others, stealing, or having an illegal occupation; irritability and aggression; reckless behavior without regard to personal safety; promiscuity; callousness and lack of remorse; inability to tolerate boredom; depression; beliefs that others are hostile to them; incapacity for close, lasting relationships. 
Borderline Personality Disorder
Instability of mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image; alternation between extremes of overidealization and devaluation in relationships; impulsiveness in spending, sex, substance use, shoplifting, reckless driving, or binge eating; affective instability; inappropriate, intense anger or lack of control of anger; suicidal threats, gestures, or behavior; self-mutilation; identity disturbance; feelings of emptiness or boredom; frantic efforts to avoid abandonment.
Cyclothymic Personality Disorder
Periodic, extreme shifts in mood and behavior, e.g., from insomnia or hypersomnia to decreased need for sleep; from low energy or chronic fatigue to more energy than usual; from feelings of inadequacy to inflated self-esteem; from decreased effectiveness to increased productivity; from decreased attention, concentration, or ability to think clearly to sharpened and unusually creative thinking; from social withdrawal to uninhibited people seeking; from loss of interest in sex to hypersexuality; from reduction in pleasurable activities to excessive involvement in them; from timidity to physical recklessness; from being less talkative than usual to being extremely talkative; from pessimistic attitude to an overly optimistic one; from tearfulness or crying to inappropriate laughing, joking, and punning.

Summarized from: American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 3rd ed.(1980), 3rd ed., Rev.(1987), 4th ed.(1994). Washington: American Psychiatric Association. 

source: http://www.ptypes.com/summary.html

Jun 19, 2012

Psychological Implications of Clutter

Many times we hoard items because it gives us a sense of security. A guest on Oprah noted that many people keep things and develop clutter because they fear the future, or for other psychological reasons. Although I don’t believe I am a compulsive hoarder, it would be advisable that readers take a look at this link if they have a problem with clutter and hoarding.

We can all relate to some of these items in some manner, but the most important thing is to not let yourself slip too much if you do slip. I notice that I always buy stuff or keep stuff to alleviate boredom and take my mind off stress or insecurity about the future. I started  buying items after I got a job because I was not able to without feeling guilty to when I was not working,  and I indulged now that I got a job.

I have reorganized every week or two, but reorganizing is not enough because the clutter returns. At first, I thought it is because I don’t have enough time to clean as before and that I don’t put things in their rightful places because I am sometimes in a rush.
I am admitting to myself that I simply have too much stuff still. This has included 6 packets of  index cards and index card boxes, folders, a rainboot, 2 baking pans, 4 cardigans for winter, 4 sweaters and 4 summer cardigans and 3 suit jackets that were unnecesary as I have enough clothing, but that I thought would be work appropriate.  Since I brought several items in, I need to donate several items of clothing that I worn less than 5 times, but that I hold on to because they are good quality.

Papers, namely magazines and books have also piled up. Feeling terrible due to sustainability issues, I refused to throw magazines out until I read them, and there aren’t any places I can donate them in my area.  Luckily, my subscriptions have expired, and I have been reading and recycling some, so there are about 10 only that I have to scan and recycle now. My books are another story because I bought many in certain times in my life that will offer beneficial advice for my well being as well as for my interest in literature. The solution here is that I am going to read the ones that I want to read the most, as opposed to my strategy of saving them for last, and after I have read them all, to purchase a ebook reader and only buy ebooks from hereon. I love books, but I am not settled in life, and don’t want to be too attached to any home, so a ebook reader, though pricey at $300 and above will save me alot of time and space.  I will only purchase paper books that I really want to read and that are not in ebook format.

I watched a movie called Mongul about the life of Ghengis Khan, and the rusticness and nomadicness of life back then really appealed to me, though not the violence. It always makes me appreciate my life, and make me feel happiess when I live as simply and with as few items as possible. Having too many items lures us into a false sense of security especially when you may feel you do not have control in your life in some areas, or are unsatisfied in some areas. However, it actually does not alleviate those feelings, but adds  more fuel to it because many possessions make you loose your control of what is important to you as you are bombarded with so many items. It also takes away from your time as you have to care for, clean and some even subconciously worry about loosing stuff. Make sure that security is in yourself and your life, not in your possessions.

Let Possessions Go = Embrace the Present Self

I have had the guilt over letting go of possessions because I have more than I honestly need and use. Being that I am not working at the moment, I have had some pangs of hesitation to letting go lately, that is not very common for me. It is due to the guilt of money wasted and loosing money when I am not bringing in any income at the moment.

I have listed many items on Ebay, but have either not had sales because people want it dirt cheap. Ebay also high seller insertion fees and final value fees, so the few I have sold have only resulted in about $8 per item for items that were new and valued at least $50 each. I have also had the headache of some buyers not paying and having to initiate a dispute or wanting to return items because they change their mind. I do not get reimbursed for the insertion fees or shipping fees if the buyer returns the item. So, unless there is an item that you can make at least $30 selling, it is not worth it. Consequently, only name high end brand items sell for at least $30. My H&M clothes have not resulted in sales. The time to prepare the item and wait in the post office to ship it does not seem to be worth the $5 net that I make on lower end brand items. Consignment shops only usually give $5 to $10 even for high end items.

I have never hesitated to donate in the past, but there are only two charities that pick up, and I don't have a car to take items to legitimate charities. The two charities that pick up are not well known charities, and I have seen people selling used clothing in Chinatown and other areas, so I am not sure if these charities are legitimate, as research on the internet have not given much detail than a simple website that anyone can make. Since I purchased my items with my hard earned money, I want them to be used to legitimately help others.

However, I have come to a new conclusion today that we can't control certain things, especially the actions of others. When we give money to a homeless person, we cannot be sure that he will use the money for food rather than for alcohol or drugs. We hope that he will use it for food, but we really don't know, do we? My choice with this issue has been to give homeless people only food, and not money. However, with our clothing donations, we can't be sure that the charities are selling the items and using it to help the less fortunate, rather than for their own pockets.

I have accumulated a pile of items as I have lost weight since going back to being a vegetarian a year ago. Many of my items don't fit and cannot be altered and some items cause skin allergies (such as wool and cashmere). While I have donated much in the past, I have held onto good quality items, such as name brand items, items made of wool or cashmere and new shoes or shoes worn just a few times, but are now very tight on me. (My feet have gotten wider as I walk a lot these days, so I have to wear a 6 wide width to 6.5. I can no longer wear my size 5 1/2 or regular size 6 shoes). I have held onto these items, even though I purchased new items to fit me appropriately now because I hoped to sell them on eBay, but deep inside I knew it was not worth the effort, especially when even some of my name brand items didn't sell. I have held on to these items because of guilt and inability to let go of the past, and fear of the future and what I cannot control.

I feel guilt because I am not working and the items discarded are a symbol of the time I worked to earn money to buy the item. I also feel guilt for enjoying shopping for these items, thinking it will bring joy to me, when that joy lasted for only a short time.  I feel fear of the future because my mother's constant about not throwing things away because you may need them someday and not have money has made me fearful of not having enough in the future. I have kept many items that didn't sell with the thought that I can refashion clothing into new clothing, but I don't need anymore, so it makes no sense other than adding to the clutter.

Yet today, I am doing a big overhaul and letting go of these chains of guilt and fear. I purchased some of the items in times of pain and uneasiness due to tragedy and feeling down. Keeping items that remind me of that and make me feel guilty for going against my nature and knowledge that objects don't bring peace only make me feel worse in this moment. The reason for the purchase, the time and money spent are now all the past. I cannot get the time or money back, and that is fine. The awareness and lessons from mistakes are jewels of the present that I can apply in the present and not make the same mistakes again. The fear of the future is unfounded. I am not an invalid nor an unintelligent or lazy person. Although I am studying for grad school now, and not working, I will work in the future. Although I don't have extensive long term experiences at jobs, I have managed to get jobs in the past, and at each job, I was valued for my hard work, intelligence, resourcefulness and desire to do well and be efficient.

The fear of not being able to make money or not having enough is not because I crave material things for comfort, but because I am allowing the fears and words of others in society to affect my own view of myself and my capabilities. Not working, worrying about the future, and reflecting about the mistakes of the past diminishes the self esteem and is dis-empowering.

Letting go of things that hold you back, be they ideas, frames of thinking or possessions is a way of empowering yourself because you are challenging the things that cause fear, anxiety or guilt in you. While we cannot control the future or the actions of others, including charities, we can control ourselves and how we view life and ourselves. We can view ourselves as strong and adaptive, or flawed, fearful or always making mistakes.

Holding on to possessions with the hope of one day selling on ebay, while they pile up and cause us  to waste time re-arranging, cleaning and feeling guilty about only makes us  feel a loss of energy. While we may have indeed wasted money by buying these items, and not using them and now donating them, we do not have to wallow in mistakes and bad choices forever. We can take this as an opportunity for strength  to overcome the past, live solely in the present and take actions for a more fruitful future.

So, today if you are trying to reduce your possessions, take a deep breath and let go of the attachment to the past, to attitudes you have held on to, to guilt and to the possessions. Don't look at the possessions and create stories in your mind or lament over the feelings associated with them. Don't let yourself feel the overwhelming feelings of guilt and fear, but feel the emotions of the the beginning of a freer, less attached you, that lives only in the present. Take that donation box, and just ruthlessly put in the items that you have not used in the last few months or that do not give value to who you are now and who you want to be. Let go, welcome change and embrace today.

Moderation for Progress

I have a high respect for people who are minimalist due to the sheer discipline. However, I have found that some people believe that doing so makes you automatically a successful and self fulfilled person. I was a minimalist to some extent for most of my life in that I had only clothing and items I used, except for my large library of books. In my mid twenties, I shopped a lot, trying to fit an image that friends said I needed in the corporate world. However, unlike before, many of the items I had were not really "me", but others style that they oppressed on me. So, in the last 4 years, I went on an extreme spin to be a minimalist. It was great to challenge myself to see how much I can live without. Yet, I don't feel that I moved much towards achieving success in life due to it. I enjoy material things, but was never attached to them nor did I ever have the mistaken belief that I would find happiness purely by obtaining stuff. However, the minimalist goals of living close to the land, living with less stuff, shopping less and finding more time for friends and family did not fulfill me in themselves. I have always seen family as important, and other than school loans, I have never been in debt over purchasing items. I don't believe in having stuff you don't use, nor buying stuff you don't use, though I have certainly had my mishaps. I also don't believe in rampant consumerism for the sake of it or for the false believe that it will fulfill you. Doing without is refreshing and freeing, but having also can create joy and comfort. Therefore, I find moderation, not minimalism or extreme materialism is a better way.

What struck me about many minimalists is that they are so extreme. Some harped at me for owning 20 pairs of shoes when I work in the corporate legal field and live in NYC where our streets are not forgiving on shoes, and where we have 4 seasons.

People seem to have categories of minimalism now, such as extreme minimalist or moderate minimalist, but these are highly arbitrary. You are either a minimalist (obsessed with reducing possessions & living with less), an materialist/extremist (obsessed with gaining material possessions) or a moderate. I think most people fall into the category of being moderate, and with anything in life, moderation may be be the best in most things. I personally do not consider myself a minimalist or a materialist, but rather a moderate.

I am not obsessed with material things, but I have no desire to be so strict on myself that I cannot enjoy a small shopping trip now and then. I donate regularly, so I am not so attached to things that I am not letting them go. While I have had guilt at wasting money on purchases that didn't fit into my lifestyle in the past, it was a valuable lesson learned, and one that I remember to not commit. I make time for friends and family, and know that they are a great treasure. However, I am aware that my peace and self fulfillment is most important as if I don't have those, I am not as pleasant, encouraging and kind as I could be. So, yes, I do want to move up in life. I have career goals that I want to achieve. I would like to live a comfortable life. However, I also have big dreams to help others if I am blessed enough to achieve wealth. My reasons for attaining career success are 1) to be self fulfilled and reach my highest potential, 2) to be self sufficient so I am not a burden or expense on my family and to build a life with my husband, and 3) to give back to my close family, close friends and society. They are all equally important goals to me. In being self fulfilled, I like to have nice things and enjoy beauty. It is not a need per se, but something that makes me happy to reward myself for my hard work.

So, extreme minimalists may not agree and look down. I know some who are not working or are just happy being where they are in life, just living on a small budget and hanging out with friends and family in most of their time. That may make them happy, and that is fine. I personally think contentment is commendable. However, as much as I love people and my loved ones, having goals and challenging myself to achieve is also integral to my happiness. So, to each his own.

Green Ideas fo Health & Productivity

Limiting the things that I bring into my home and simplifying my chores gives me more time to do what I really enjoy. I find that using environmentally friendly products are better for my health and for the environment. Here are some products and practices that I employ that makes my life a little bit easier.


SKIN CARE

Use natural skin care products. It is better for the environment and your skin. Coincidentally, most natural products have fewer ingredients than other products. Look for those with the least ingredients and with no preservatives. If you don’t use face makeup (powder, foundation, concealer, blush, etc.), steaming your face with a soft wash cloth and boiling water should be sufficient. If you run out of natural products or can’t find them near your neighborhood, products for extremely sensitive skin, such as Cephatil or Eucerin, also have fewer ingredients.

HOUSE CLEANING

Baking soda and vinegar are miracle house cleaners, which were used before cleaners were mass marketed. You can use them to deodorize, clean stoves, counter tops, tubs, sinks, etc. Check this site for recipes/idea. I use baking soda to clean pots and pans, and soak dishes in baking soda and minimal water to loosen grease and food, but I am looking for an alternative to liquid soap to wash dishes. Any ideas?

LAUNDRY/DRY CLEANING

For delicate materials, such as silk, cashmere and merino wool (which encompass half of my wardrobe due to my sensitive skin), you can just use clear, cheap shampoo, like Suave, White Rain or Tresemme to hand wash them in lukewarm water. This saves money on the cleaners and protects the environment because dry cleaning solvents are dangerous for the environment and also bad for your clothing because they break down fabrics. If you have a stain, try to treat it right away with a little hot water and undyed soap. Then you can just steam the fabric when you get home. Steaming is also a good alternative to dry cleaning if your aim is just to freshen your clothing after a wear of two until you are ready to wash it with gentle shampoo.

PERIODICALS

I have done away with all my magazine subscriptions, except one for husband's reading in the bathroom. lol. Sorry for being explicit. You can read most of the information on online versions of most newspapers and magazines. If you want premium content, most major newspapers and magazine offer online subscriptions now, but I advise not to complicate your life by doing so unless you need premium content for your job. Also, ask retailers to remove you from their mailing if you can so you don’t get catalogs and junk mail. When you do get catalogs or junk mail, recycle right away rather than letting them pile up. Don’t bother looking through them to browse unless there was something you were looking for previously.

I have also scanned some of my old magazines into the computer to save spaces, such as my copies of Gothic Beauty, Propaganda and Victorian Goth Garden Magazine and articles from Yoga Journal.

BOOKS

I love the tactile-ness of books, but have only purchased a few books this entire year, since my husband bought me a Kindle Fire. I used to go on compulsive bookstore shopping at Strands and Barnes & Nobles. I still have held on to books not in eBook format, such as a few goth culture books, historical books on witchcraft and vampires, my collection of Poe and Lovecraft stories and my law books. However, all else have been replaced via eBook if the copyright has been expired, such as classics, like Wuthering Heights, and some of my psychology books. This saves so much time and space, and it looks so much like a book that the first few weeks of using it, I would reach for the edge as if turning a page. It is a little pricey, though cheaper than the Kindle, even though it was the first innovator of EBook technology. It is worth the price though in convenience and portability for your back, and think of how much you would save if you had to move all those books. Not to mention that it saves trees. All the classics are available in eBook format, and many current books are being produced as in eBook format (pdf) also. You can download classics, where copyrights have been expired, for free from Project Gutenberg and read in pdf format on the reader. These days, I only buy regular books if I really need them and cannot find it in a store. I also encourage supporting smaller booksellers when possible.

HOUSEKEEPING

Housecleaning takes up a lot of time if you have a lot of possessions, so the first thing that I recommend is clear out anything you have not used in the past year. This includes kitchen gadgets, office supplies, magazines, old video games and toys if you have children, etc., most of which can be donated to thrift stores. I also recommend getting rid of excess bins and containers because although they are marketed to keep clutter under control, they also keep you unaware of all the things that you actually own. The plastic in bins are also bad for the environment. I keep all kitchen items in accessible cupboards so they can be used regularly rather than stored somewhere. For two people who don’t usually entertain more than 4 people at a time, 6 forks, 6 knives, 6 spoons, 6 plates, 6 bowls and 6 glasses are sufficient. A lot of people have way too many house wares that they rarely or never use. We used to have only 2 of each, but since we like to have a few friends over instead of spending a lot of money dining out all the time, we bought a few more items, but not more than needed.

CLOTHING 

I have said a lot about minimizing clothes in my other posts, since as a female that was my biggest area I had to minimize when I started this journey. I have to emphasize that I do not recommend storing clothes, shoes or coats where you cannot see them because you will not be aware of how much you actually have. I keep all my clothes hung up and shoes on wood shelves and in wood baskets. At the end of the season, I wash or steam all my clothing and put them in clear, reusable suit bags. I hate using plastic, but this makes it easier to see the items that I have in the event that I need an off season item and also to keep inventory of all that I have. Shoes that I am currently using go on a wood shelf near the door, and those not in use are in wooden baskets in the bottom of my closet.

FOOD

I am not a strict vegetarian, but try to eat meat and fish as little as possible, and I eat no red meat. I used to be a strict vegetarian, but as I am anemic, I got very sick, and my doctor recommended that I eat a little more protein. So I eat fish and seafood 2 to 3 times a week, and once in a blue when I visit my in-laws home, I eat chicken or pork if there is nothing else because I do not want to inconvenience them, but that is rare. That said, I try to eat simple, vegetarian food most of the time. It is better for the environment because of all the emissions and food required to maintain the food industry and for your health as studies have shown that communities that do not eat meat live longer. See the Cornell China Study, and the Oprah’s episode on centenarian (person who is at least 100 years old) populations around the world.  I walk with vegetarian snacks, like Kashi cereal, dried fruits, etc., so if I am hungry and cannot find a vegetarian friendly menu or if it is too expensive such as in New York, I have sustenance to hold me out until I get home.  I do my best not to eat chocolate, processed food or excess sugar, though I do have a fruit filled cookie or make flan or other desserts. I try to make deserts at home because there are no or less preservatives and less sugar than store bought items.

Determine what Fullfills You & Get Rid of the Rest

I have thought about on and off for the past few years about how material things affect our lives. I even went on  a minimalist lifestyle at one point, and discarded/donated many of my books and clothing, and acquired a large blog following on the subject. However, my life goals and lifestyle do not permit me to be minimalist.

My experience is as a paralegal, and intend to stay in the legal field because I enjoy it very much. In this field, what comes with the territory is that your appearance does affect your credibility. If I only have 5 suits that I wear all the time, my bosses and clients will surely notice. Not to mention, there is a definite psychological effect of being put together and dressing appropriately and businesslike. I am not into trends or accumulating items for the sake of having them, but I like to look elegant and professional. While I do like the quality and styles of some brands, I don't purchase items with ostentatious logos to appear wealthy, as that simply looks tacky. So, I have had to come to a balance where I try to keep my wardrobe and my home somewhat minimalist in style, but I can no longer consider myself minimalist because I have too many items to take that label.

Nonetheless, I also realize that having too many items in your home, wardrobe, bookshelf, etc. is not beneficial if some of these items do not serve your life goals (personal and career). Having items that do not serve your goals just take time and energy to take care of, and actually can be distracting.

For that reason, I am re-evaluating my items in the next few weeks. I will attempt to sell some on Ebay, but my experience has not been good as I only get $7 for boots that I purchased for $50, and I wonder if it is worth the time and effort of taking pictures, following and hoping for a sale, answering potential buyer questions (many of whom don't end up purchasing), preparing for shipment and then going to the post office to ship. I would appreciate your thoughts.

In regards to simplifying to keep items that are essential to your life goals and enjoyments, I have thought about the fact that the most common goal of most people is happiness or well being. We try to find it through different avenues, but I have found that the more avenues I seek at once, the more complicated and elusive happiness becomes. I look back at my happiest times in life, save for my childhood, and realize that my happiest times was when I lived my life simply. It seems ironic because consumerism tells us that we need more and more things daily. Yet, during that time, my attention was focused on a few things that brought me great joy and peace. Namely, they were, waking up early in the morning to do yoga exercises and light meditation, writing a little daily, reading a little daily (on-line or books) and cooking wholesome, healthy food (vegetarian and seafood based). Of course, I also spend a little time with friends and loved ones, but we must first look for happiness within. Those are my particular affinities. Yours might be different. Yet, self discovery is the key.

Reflecting to Simpler Times in The Past
Look back and note times when you were truly happy. Try to not to associate these times with people at first, even though there are many who are happiest giving to others or spending time with others. It is important to look within first.

Make a Goal List: Find Your Essential Joys & Dreams
Continuing the exercise above, think of your day to day activities and list them. Next, think of what activities are truly beneficial to your life goals and also activities that you enjoy. They can be both career goals as well as hobbies. Then think of the people in your life that are most important to you, and that you truly enjoy being around. Then finish your list by listing how those people incorporate into your life.


Here's an example of my life goal & activities list:

  1. Reading, studying and learning about Law
  2. Reading books on writing, success, personal growth, literature, art
  3. Writing essays, blog posts and poetry
  4. Spending Time with my husband
  5. Housekeeping: My house is in no way immaculate, but when things get very cluttered or dusty, it stresses me out & distracts me very much.)
  6. Cooking: I try to be healthy and cooking food at home that I choose for nutritional reasons has been beneficial for the health of myself and my family)
  7. Yoga for exercise and stress relief
  8. Spending time with close friends and family
  9. Volunteering/Interning with Civic Organizations
The 3 items below are life goals, but are hobbies that I believe I engage in too much that do not support my life goals. activities that I engage in that support my interests and hobbies. They are activities that I will have
  1. Sewing: I will still continue to do minor tailoring to my own clothing & it is beneficial because tailored clothes look more professional. However, I sometimes spend a whole day making a new item out of old styles that I no longer like. I do not intend on becoming a designer, so making my own clothing is just time consuming at this point. Sometimes it is better to buy an item than make it because of the opportunity cost - a day's pay is more than the amount saved on an item made in a day.)
  2. Watching documentaries: A documentary here and there or with friends is fine, but I watch too many in the recent past, which has taken me away from my work.
  3. Going to museums and galleries: This does not support my life goals and it is time consuming as it takes a few hours to get in the museum, so a trip ends up taking a whole day. This will become a activity only shared as a way of spending time with my husband or friends.
 
Find the Things that Drive You in Life
Keep items that support your life goals. Making a list of all the items you own as sometimes we are not aware of what or how much we own. For everyone, the items on the list will be different. While making the list or afterwards, categorize the different functions and goals that each item supports. This will help you to more logically evaluate how much of a certain item you need. For instance, you may find that you own 30 pairs of shoes, but only 10 are businesslike or that you can wear in multiple situations. These numbers are arbitrary, and only you know what is best for your situation.

I will expand on this topic in later blog posts, and as I achieve success in this area as well.

The Greatest Skill - A Positive Attitude

I can attest to my performance in any area of life being contingent on my attitude. I am human, and I have had let criticisms and negative comments from some "friends" affect me, although I have been for most of my life, encouraging to friends. However, when it comes down to fulfillment in our life, we are ultimately responsible. So, in cases such as these, we should internally deflect these comments or defend ourselves and wait to see if the friends change this behavior. If they don't, distance yourself, and don't let them sully your attitude with their negativity. Sometimes, we also are our own spirit-dampener, whether it is because we are used to the habit of pessimism ourselves or if we are going through depression due to a rough time in our lives. However, a positive attitude is the greatest skill that we can have to make progress internally and externally in life. Comforting friends and expressing ourselves is not a bad thing. We all need that. Even criticism is not bad if the person does so with a solution to help us, and says it in a gentle way. However, people who are consistently miserable do not help themselves or the world at large. We will all have our moments, but as a whole, starting today, try to eradicate a consistently negative outlook from your own mind, and do not spread the poison of negativity. Every day is filled with gifts of life if we would only move the veils away and see clearly.

Here are some quotes that inspire me on the topic:


  • Since the house is on fire, let us warm ourselves.  -Italian Proverb
  • Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world.  ~Eckhart Tolle
  • In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.  ~Albert Camus, Lyrical and Critical Essays
  • If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one.  -Cavett Robert
  • Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts.  It's what you do with what you have left.  -Hubert Humphrey
  • Learn to smile at every situation.  See it as an opportunity to prove your strength and ability.  -Joe Brown
  • A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone.  -Robert Frost
  • Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.  ~Voltaire
  • The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so; but we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitoes and silly people.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.  ~Vince Lombardi
  • My riches consist not in the extent of my possessions, but in the fewness of my wants.  ~J. Brotherton
  • I don't like that man.  I must get to know him better.  ~Abraham Lincoln
  • I don't think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains.  ~Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl
  • The best things in life are unexpected - because there were no expectations.  ~Eli Khamarov, Surviving on Planet Reebok
  • Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye.  ~Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Frankenstein, 1818
  • Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.  ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
  • Whenever you fall, pick something up.  ~Oswald Avery
  • Success is due less to ability than to zeal.  ~Charles Buxton
  • You're not going to make me have a bad day.  If there's oxygen on earth and I'm breathing, it's going to be a good day.  ~Cotton Fitzsimmons
  • Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time.  ~Betty Smith
  • The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.  One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.  ~F. Scott Fitzgerald
  • I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.  ~Mahatma Gandhi
  • There's a saying among prospectors:  "Go out looking for one thing, and that's all you'll ever find."  ~Robert Flaherty
  • The soul does not absorb negativity by accident, always by choice.  ~Dodinsky, www.dodinsky.com
  • Being a sex symbol has to do with an attitude, not looks.  Most men think it's looks, most women know otherwise.  ~Kathleen Turner
  • We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails.  ~Author Unknown
  • The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong.  ~Thomas Carlyle
  • We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.  ~Joseph Campbell

Tips to Let Go of Possessions



 When trying to streamline your life, many start with possessions.  It is not the goal in itself, but a means to commence the goal and get on the path of meaningfulness. This is true for me as I am especially affected by my surroundings. It is a weird catch 22 as I enjoy beautiful things, but I also crave simplicity. How then do we reconcile this? The solution is easy: keep only the things that are useful and beautiful. However, that solution is not so easy when we think of it in terms of the mental steps to get there. For instance, what if you are a person like me, who likes to see beauty in almost everything. I sometimes look at winter tree branches, all grey and bare, but I see such beauty in their form and texture. I have always been this way, so it is innate in me. I have come to realize that this is a great quality to have in appreciating art and nature, and even life experiences. However, it sometime gets in the way of my simplifying and de-cluttering. Combine that with my highly analytical mind, and I am sometimes my own obstacle. For instance, I don't keep things that are in terrible condition, but I will sometimes cut a piece of a garment and turn it into another garment. So, sometimes, if an article is damaged, I still see possibility for it, and it has resulted in my having a lot of scrap material for sewing, even though I declutter my stash annually.  I sometimes think when an item is not top rate anymore that thrift stores won't sell it, and it will just end up in the landfill, when I could just reconstruct it into a new garment.

The problem is that sewing is very time consuming, and I don't have a lot of time these days. The time that I take to make a new garment out of old ones can take hours, and I could've worked during those hours and made more money. So, I can't use the reason that I am keeping it so I won't waste money. I have also learned that it is futile to lament over money already spent and time lost time earning money that money. Then, there is the mental anguish in seeing so many items, and more time is also wasted taking care of the possessions, such as organizing them, cleaning them, and moving them when you move to a new apartment or home. The time it takes to Ebay them is not always beneficial. For instance, I sold a pair of boots recently that I purchased for $45, but sold only for $9.99 (not including shipping, although Ebay's fees consider shipping also). After Ebay fees, I only earned $8. However, it took me 20 minutes to take pictures, load on my computer and post a description. Then, I am sure that I spent about 35- 40 minutes total responding to buyer questions and checking periodically how it is doing. Then, packaging to ship, printing and taping postage, and taking it to the post office took about another 20 minutes. So, in all I would say, I spent about a minimum of 1 hour and 15 minutes to half to earn $8. If I was working, due to the fact that I have several years experience in the field, I would have made double that amount. I think that hour and a half would have been more well spent job hunting or studying for my graduate school exam. So, donating would seem to bring the highest return for my time.

I read this wonderful post that mentioned that one way to let go is to think about another person enjoying the object that you enjoy. This really struck a chord with me as the reason that I don't want to let go of some items is because they are in new or like new condition, and I still think they are lovely items. I just don't use them because they do not fit my lifestyle.

Along the lines of time vs money that I was just writing about, the joy that someone else can get out of an item is a comparative advantage to the time I spend trying to sell it and the money earned from that.

Thinking about letting go gives me immense respect for monks and yogis who abandon possessions so easily and quickly to live a monastic life. I have let go of many things in the past, and lived very simply before, but I still hesitate at times to let go at time due to living in the past and the future. I think the biggest secret to letting go is to practice living in the present. As the winter season is ending, think about what you did not use, and donate them. In the coming spring season, think about what you will actually use, and donate the rest. Someone else will be able to enjoy it, and once you let go, you will will feel even more free as you have less. In the initial letting go, I feel a little clinging and fear, but with every item that I let go, I feel the chains of the control of possessions loosen on me. Time and freedom are life's most valuable gifts.

Job environments for Introverted-Extroverts

Introverted Extroverts (IEs) lack the extreme skills in social situations of pure extroverts, and share some characteristics with introverts. They're a mixture of both, but they have their own individual characteristics which make them quite unique.

Many IEs have evolved from pure introversion to a working level of extroversion. Some are extroverts who've developed truly deep inner dimensions. They have a sufficient level of extroversion to be good communicators, and are much more comfortable in social and career environments than introverts. Their social instincts are sometimes highly developed, like extroverts, and they are frequently good mixers.
However, their basic origins are very like introverts, even with the ones who were formerly pure extroverts. They retain a lot of the personal characteristics of introverts, and are often empathic to pure introverts. IEs are relatively low key, compared to even mild extroverts, although the former extroverts can turn it off an on at will.

They're good listeners, as well as talkers. They can see multiple perspectives in any social situation, which makes them excellent mediators, because they really can see both sides of any dispute.

This ability is their unique skill, and they can use it effectively in any career situation. They're real thinkers, like introverts, and their role is often to think their way through social situations. They're very good trainers, because they can literally see what's happening with their trainees' thinking, and know what's worrying them.

They aren't born managers. But if they have enough experience, they're very good managers by any standards. They communicate at all levels of their workforce, and are never bullies, or unreasonable. It's against their instincts to be unfair. They get a lot of genuine respect for that characteristic from their subordinates and their managers. Their judgment of people is very good, and they find and fix social problems without needing to be asked.

IEs far prefer healthy social environments, and actively avoid anything that doesn't meet that criteria. They don't like, and usually won't tolerate, irrational behavior, even in their managers. They're honest to the bone, and are never going to be part of anything underhanded or illegal. They also dislike office gossip, and executive power games.

That makes them lousy at office politics, but they're usually so good at their jobs that they're never even considered as dispensable. The IE will be the one that does the difficult jobs well, puts in enormous amounts of time where necessary, and does really good work on a routine basis.

They're not actually unambitious, although they may seem uninterested in promotions and careerism as a whole. To the IE, like the introvert, the career is a personal thing, and they have their own ideas about what they consider to be success.

This mix of characteristics makes IEs very good original thinkers. In creative fields, they excel, because of the variety of perspectives they understand so well, and they love to innovate. To them, innovation is exploration, and sometimes problem solving as well. They share with introverts the love of mental challenges, and will tackle any difficult concept fearlessly, like introverts.

They're very fast learners. Only the pure introverts can keep up with them in terms of recognizing the importance and uses of learning skills. They learn well, and they're almost always as demanding as introverts in perfecting their new skills. They want to know everything about their own mistakes, and will go looking for reasons for any shortcomings in their own work, and fix them.
As mediators, IEs are unique, and utterly unlike the other three types, in that they do a lot of their best social work almost unconsciously. For the others, it's a conscious effort, but for the IE it's so normal that they may not even notice that they've successfully solved a personal dispute or problem.

Unfortunately for IEs, management may not notice it, either. Where their natural skills are properly understood, IEs can be high flyers, and much appreciated. Their skills in some fields, like mediation, product development, and consultancies are usually so advanced that they're impossible to overlook. But in other fields, like accountancy, or in bureaucracies, they can be almost ignored, however good their work may be.

Their talents have to be in areas where recognition is easy, to guarantee career success. Their thinking is their real skill, and in humdrum careers full of routines and standardized procedural situations, that thinking is seriously restricted, and lacks outlets.

Anywhere an idea has a perceived value, the IE has a good career.
Conversely, anywhere thinking is not required is a desert to the IE, like the introvert. They're as likely to suffer from restrictions on use of their talents as an extrovert, and can be as deeply offended and repelled by some career environments as an Extroverted Introvert.

IEs mix very well with the other types, because of their empathy, and can be relied upon to assist them. They're very effective as mentors and make excellent friends, because they can genuinely understand the personal difficulties of others. IEs are often interpreters between the other types, and can explain the logic of an introvert to an extrovert so that the extrovert actually understands what's involved in the introvert's thought processes.

IEs can also make an EI feel secure in a room full of extroverts. They understand the extrovert mentality, and can explain it in a few words so the EI doesn't misinterpret the situation. They can help an introvert deal with a presentation, simply by being there, and with a few reassuring words. They can help an extrovert avoid going insane while attempting to communicate with an office full of introverts. They do this simply by asking a few questions which will make the extrovert use the sort of concepts which the introverts will want to hear, rather than doing a sales pitch, which will bounce off the introverts.
They are born consultants. Their advice is always good, and they check their own thinking are rigorously as any introvert. When they give advice, it's honest advice. Their honesty applies to themselves, too, and no double standards or excuses are made. They would be devastated if they ever gave bad advice, as much out of empathy as out of sheer horror at their mistake. Fortunately for IEs, they don't often make mistakes.

Despite their social skills, IEs sometimes frighten other people with their sheer inscrutability, which is very like introverts, unless they make the extra effort to communicate their friendliness. It takes a bit of time to spot the IE, who can be mistaken for an introvert or an extrovert, at first glance.

IEs are very good information handlers, but they do it differently from introverts and extroverts. The multiple perspective function takes over control of information, and will make associations with those perspectives, in any situation. Possible clashes and conflicts will be seen in advance. Most importantly, IEs share with introverts the ability to find weak points in information, and have the added ability to make all possible connections to their work.

It's not uncommon for an introvert, who can always find the most obscure information imaginable, to recognize significant issues with that information, and pass it on to the IE. The introvert knows the IE will know what to do with it, and how best to use it. An extrovert, who has a very high level of exposure to information from a huge variety of sources, will make a point of passing on any odd-looking or implausible information to the IE, for the same reason.

IEs are true team players. They really can generate trust in such diametrically opposite types of people. In any group of people if you ask who's the person they would trust with sensitive or difficult information, it'll be an IE. This is not a coincidence. IEs are trusted because they are trustworthy, and so are their skills. Their empathy and their individualism makes them strong characters, even if they appear understated compared to others.

IEs, by definition, are not doormats. They won't demand respect, but they'll get it, and there won't be any doubt why they get it. They're invariably capable, competent, people, and they have no difficulty proving it. They will stand up for themselves on principle, and the big risk in getting into a dispute with an IE is that they'll prove themselves right. They make very good arguments, and they're tough to debate against.

The best way to antagonize an IE is to be blas� about their ideas, or superficial about something important. That will convince the IE that they're dealing with a lesser intelligence, or one that doesn't know its own job. IEs do not like incompetent people, any more than introverts. They're usually nicer about it, most of the time, but they're as ruthless as introverts at removing anyone they see as a liability. They make very good managers, fair, open-minded and understanding, but the IE's bottom line cannot be crossed.

They're much the same, as subordinates. The bottom line applies to those above them as much as those below. An IE is more likely to fire an employer than an employer is likely to fire an IE. As employees, or members of an organization, the bottom line is credibility. They won't stick around trying to un-destroy any workplace, business, or group which has passed their level of tolerance. If you see an IE walking out of your workplace, that workplace is in trouble of some sort, for sure. Their judgment is extremely good, particularly in older IEs, and they will get off a sinking ship well before it hits an iceberg.

IEs don't know the meaning of laziness. Their internal introversion is a very powerful driving force, usually unseen by most people. The extroverted part may seem perfectly normal, but the energy level is always high.

This is where the Extroverted part of the IE flourishes. They aren't as frenzied as the extroverts in full flight, or a silently ultra industrious as introverts, both of whom can handle gigantic workloads, but they're on a par with both. If you want something done, and done in a certain way, the IE is the one who'll do that. Introverts and extroverts can be absolutely brilliant, and so can IEs. But the IE will understand instantly what you want, and why you want it done that way. The others may need it explained to them, or not see the perspectives.

Another definite skill of the IE, devolving on that ability to understand the priorities of others, is project management. Given a set task, the IE can turn it into a work of art. Their extroversion is particularly good at dealing with stakeholders, negotiating the impossible, and their empathy with other types connects well with anyone involved. Better yet, from the IE's point of view, there are plenty of issues to solve, planning issues, budget problems, all of which is lots of fun, for any IE, who thrives on any mental work. The IE may well make a few remarks about getting paid for having fun in these situations, and mean it.

If you want to build a pyramid, the introvert may produce a spaceship shaped like a pyramid, and the extrovert might have it built two weeks before you mentioned you'd like to build it. The IE, however, will give you a beautiful pyramid, with the sphinxes you asked for, all under warranty, and quite possibly under budget, if anyone suggested there was likely to be a budget blowout, and made that a problem for the IE to solve.

All that's required is that they're left in peace to do their work, like introverts, and aren't ever confined to the point their talents are suffering, like extroverts. If they have an idea to present, they should be heard, and their idea evaluated. Even if that idea isn't feasible, you can bet good money on the fact that the next idea will be, because the IE will learn from any situation.

IEs are real assets, in any situation, in any career. Managers who see an IE in their midst are strongly advised to grab them, before your competition does.

Source: http://www.cvtips.com/career-choice/which-are-the-best-job-environments-for-introverted---extroverts.html

Jun 8, 2012

The Balance of Structure and Individuality

Loosing Structure 
For the last few years, I believed that I disliked structure very much. However, I also noticed that without structure, such as a schedule or to do list or a plan for my days, months and years, I have drifted from job to job and not moved closer to my personal and life goals. I didn’t quite understand my aversion to structure in those last few years as when I was a paralegal, I took a great sense of pride in accomplishing things in a measured time. Even before that, from my youth to my early 20s, I was always an achiever, who planned my goals, and took steps to achieve them.

Thinking about thesee things in the last week as I feel more driven to accomplish my goal of getting into a top grad school, I realized that I need stucture to be successful. I am an INTJ, not an INTP. I also realized that the reason I have had an aversion to structure in the past few years is because I began to associate structure with people trying to control me. This is due to my previous relationship, where the person was as such, and caused me great anxiety due to his infidelities. Additionaly, it is due to my having a two jobs where I was micromanaged, and structured in by my bosses in almost everything I did. I also began to associate structure with people I saw who are successful and very structured, but who are also verymainstream in their views and behaviors, while I am somewhat unconventional.

Structure does not mean conformity
I  began to associate structure with the lack of freedom to be myself, and an invisible hand of society to conform me to the thoughts and behaviors of most people. Subconsciously, I rebelled, not in the way I rebelled as a teen, where I went goth, with black clothing, high platform boots, streaks in my hair or safety pins and staples in my clothing. How I rebelled was in abandoning the desire and need for structure in my life, and instead doing what spurred me in the moment, not planning my days in detail, and trying to be more hippiesh, and procrastinating. However, I still could not help planning myself in some ways, such as planning where I will meet my friends, checking out the directions first, deciding what I would do if I arrived early, etc. Yet to not stick to the structure and rigidity of being punctual, which I associated with my structered jobs, I would decide to do the dishes or clean the apartment before I leave, and therefore, end up leaving later than I estimated and knew I should. I rebelled by impulsively shopping, yet ironically, I would plan that I would impulsively shop, such as which store, which isle I would start with, etc. While at the store, I still sorted through my options before I make my decision. The inpulse was in purchasing things that I didn’t need more of. My need for structure then led me to continously organize, categorize and de-clutter my items.

Success requires vision and a plan
 Looking back over the last few years, I realize that I have always been successful when I have a vision, a plan, and take small action steps daily to achieve that plan. My rebellion against the structure I need has led me to seek structure in other ways, such as my environment, yet since my internal views were not congruent, even that has not stayed structured as I would like, leading to a lot of stress and wasted time organizing. I have come to understand myself that I like structure and getting things done. I don’t feel accomplished just thinking about things, and drifting aimslessly in knowledge. I like my thoughts and ideas to translate into something tangiable, into something that can be achieved, and I need closure and accomplishment. What I don’t need is structure and control under someone else’s terms. I am after all, an INTJ. I am highly independent, resourceful and I need a balance of a path/structure to follow in a job, but also enough freedom to exercise my ideas, and demonstrate and build my skills.  

Jun 7, 2012

Being Your Authentic Self (Self-Esteem & Self-Actualization)

It is a conundrum that I am sure humans have faced since the dawn of civilization and society: be autonomous, unique and independent OR be harmonious and confirm to certain ideals of society. Personally, I have been on both sides of the spectrum, but 80% on the side of being independent. However, it has been an extreme that has not always created balance and clarity in my life. This is because the fact is that we live in a society and have to play by certain rules and need each other to subsist. I certainly have needed people in my life, but I am very stubborn to ask for help due to not burdening others, but more so out of not wanting to give up control to anyone or my authenticity to appease others. However, the truth is that unless you live on the land, fetch your own water from streams, hunt wild animals and build a hut from forest timber, we all need people and interact with people in our day to day lives. I enjoy people and a thriving environment very much, but have been torn by the need for human contact, interaction and help.

Here's a great video about self-esteem and Self-Actualization pertaining to Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, which has to do with being the being the best version of yourself. I will post more on this topic in the future.

Balance from Letting Go of Clutter

It's a delicate balance: that of appreciating beauty and comforts of material things without becoming too attached to them.

Since I am on a budget at the moment, I have felt a pang in letting go of possessions in storage that I have unearthed since I plan on moving to a new apartment by the end of the year if all fares well. It makes absolutely no sense to lug things around that we do not love or use on a regular basis. I am not attached to these items themselves, so I don't have a problem letting them go. However, since they are good items and some very pretty, I feel bad letting them go to the trash, but feel bad donating also as I feel guilt for spending money on them. However, my husband made an important observation about opportunity cost. The time that it takes to rearrange, organize, clean, or take pictures, list, and track on eBay exceeds the value of what I could be spending my time on, such as more assertively job hunting or studying for grad school. Furthermore, on days that I am not at my best, these objects are a constant reminder of opportunities wasted and bad decisions made or decisions not thought through. They further bring me down on days when I am not motivated enough.

Extreme minimalism can be an unhealthy, cultist sort of existence, where people seem focus mainly on number of items you have (of which, I was also guilty of in my minimalism phase). However, challenging ourselves continuously to only keep things that are useful and inspiring to our present and future goals and that give value to us and our family is a wonderful balance to have. It keeps things in perspective to have things that are beautiful or that we enjoy, but not become too attached to material things that we loose sight that they are a means, but not an end.

This week, my goal is to donate anything from which I cannot sell for more than $30 on ebay (which really amounts to $20 after fees & shipping). My husband suggested that anything less than $50 should be donated, but I know eBayers are looking for an extreme bargain.

I have come to a point where looking at only a small bit of clutter makes me anxious about unfinished things and distracts my time away from my goals in terms of maintaining the items as well as my loss of energy and motivation at seeing the clutter. The past is the past as we cannot reclaim the money we have lost or spent. However, we can clear our present and aim to produce in the future.

The 100 Thing Challenge - Revamp

When people think of minimalists, they often think of extreme tree-huggers, hippies, and rugged, low maintenance people. Goths are perhaps very low on the list of immediate associations, although many goths are Pagan and believe in being touch with nature. Shortly after college, I had a 3 year stint where I was trying to live a minimalist lifestyle. I was able to achieve it because I wanted to get rid of a hideous wardrobe of boring, normal clothes I had bought for my job before. I ended up having only 150-200 clothing items, which included shoes and underclothes, and was for work and casual. I also lived in a studio in Manhattan at the time with my husband (then-boyfriend), so we did not have a lot of room, so trying to be minimalist seemed like a good idea. We also were not working at the time as we were in the job-hunting flux after college. In fact, I had to discard many of my precious books when we moved in that apartment. It was also not difficult because while I enjoy material things, I have never been overtly attached to them due to loosing loved ones early and some, tragically.

However, in time, after we moved out of the studio to a one bedroom, and I began to work, I began to feel suffocated by the limitations of minimalism. There was no place for bat necklaces and witchy shoes just for fun. Minimalism as a lifestyle is about functionality, while my black and red clothes have always been functional and uncomplicated for me, I missed the creativity of dressing and living. So, I slowy began to go away from it.

However, there were some wonderful lessons that I acquired during that time that I have forgotten a bit, such as having less stuff means less time cleaning and more time for things you truly enjoy. I have also been an mild environmentalist in terms of not eating meat (well, I cheat once in a blue), using organic products (my sensitive skin can't take chemicals anyway), and natural healing and food, so minimalism didn't cause me to do that as I was environmental before. However, my research did lead me to understand the impacts that excess has on the landfills. I did DIY fashions since I was a teen to now because I liked making things to my liking, but I did throw away clothing once in a blue. Now, I make sure I donate, even if I am not certain that they will take it. Whatever can't be sold sometimes get sent to the third world second hand market.

In any case, this long intro is to preface that I want to embark again on the challenge of getting rid of stuff I don't use. Minimalist will say get rid of all you don't need or have used in 6 months, but that is too restrictive and extreme for me. A search of the internet for minimalist blogs will show you people with 2 pairs of shoes and jeans, etc. That is too extreme in my opinion unless you are back-packing through Europe or something of the like. Attire should be both functional and fun.

One concept I came across in my research on letting things go is The 100 Thing Challenge. If you have not, it is a challenge to live on only 100 things, whereby collections, such as CDs or books count as one. So, I am also sure that many of you, like me, are inspired by the challenge, but need more than 100 things for your lifestyle and career. I know that 100 things are an arbitrary number, and there is room for warping the amount of things if you consider some a collection, such as books. I personally don't think collections should be grouped into one as I could consider my work suits or my knick knacks a collection. I do agree that shared family items should not count, though.

For those of us whose lives do not permit us to reduce or stuff to 100 things or if we simply feel that 100 things is just too limiting, I propose a new challenge. The 100 Thing Challenge to see if you can rid your life of 100 things in a week or a month. That is a good start to getting rid of some of your possessions if you don't have the space for them. If you feel ambitious, and have lots of stuff, you could even do a 100 thing challenge to get rid of 100 things every month for 3 to 6 months. I am going to start by getting rid of 100 things by the end of next week. I would like to get rid of 100 things biweekly or monthly until every single item has a proper, uncluttered place in my home. I have a little time as I am not working at the moment, though I am also busy studying for grad school. I hope to move by Fall 2012, so that gives me the incentive to start de-cluttering quickly as I don't want to spend extra money toting stuff that I don't use currently or in the near future.

Another twist on this challenge could be to have only 100 things in each category of your life, such as mentioned in this blog post.

Whichever form of the 100 thing challenge you embark on, the goal is to reduce stuff and see what you can do without. A great inspiration to begin is to think of when you are traveling, and how little you need, yet how much fun you have just experiencing life.

I think this challenge will be easy for goths in one way as our wardrobes are pretty minimalist in terms of color, but I know some of us, like myself may also have too much fun clothing and accoutrements. I will share my progress in the upcoming weeks.