For someone who is a perfectionist with oneself, trying to achieve
any goal satisfactory either ends up in feeling like the goal is not
accomplished, but settling or giving up altogether as the ideal cannot
be achieved.
While I have lived simply for a good part
of my life, when I took on the formal goal during college, it took a
life of it's own. I acheived a good degree of minimalism, and even had
my clothing, shoes and bags combined down to 113 items. I also brought
my book collection down to less than 50 by giving away or recycling
books that I would never use again, and obtaining eBook copies of ones
that I would read again. However, criticism from extreme, fanatic
minimalists on the web who had 20 personal items slowly broke my
confidence. Criticism to a perfectionist is dreadful. I knew that I had
stripped most of the excess of my items, and kept only the items that I
used. I like variety and to be creative and have fun with my look, so
perhaps I kept more than the extreme minimalists kept. However, all that
I kept brought me joy and/or added value to my life in some way. Still,
I am a consciencious person, and I did not want to look like a fake or a
fraud, even though I did not feel I was one. So, in time, I slowly
began to abandon my minimnalist lifestye about two years ago for several
reasons: not being able to live up to the standard of being the best
minimalist possible and because I fell into mild depression because my
life was in a rut due to my career and lacked energy to monitor my
possessions and even bought items to make myself feel better.
However,
almost completely abandoning my minimalist lifestyle has made me feel
so unsatisfied with myself that a few months ago, I decided to begin
weeding out possessions again. In the same way that people are critical
of people in the goth subculture, saying that one is not goth enough
because they don't go to goth clubs, or what have you, people in the
minimalist subculture will be critical. There are negative and insecure
people everywhere who like to put others down to feel more special.
However, when one is genuinely inclined to an interest, even with the valleys of self-doubt
or setbacks, continue with interests that are genuine or authentic. I have also loved a
more minimalist lifestyle for years because keeping my life simple has
enabled me to focus on my true passions, such as literature, learning
and creating written works.
So, although I
made the decision to re-embark on more simple lifestyle again a few
months ago, I am going full speed now as I can't function well with many
possessions around me. Having so many things take my energy and
attention, and actually make me feel more down because I am distracted
from doing the things that truly bring me joy and value.
My
advice to anyone embarking on a new lifestyle change - be it becoming
more minimalist or even embarking on a new
career- is to firstly, block out all the negative people and naysayers. Ultimately, it is your life, and no one has a right to tell you how to
live. While I do not advocate being inauthentic, such as saying your're minimalist when you
are really a hoarder or shopaholic, I do believe that we should all
strive to be authentic and unique. We should define ourselves by
ourselves and as long as we are not mocking others or their lifestyle,
we are allowed to put our own spin on things.
So, in
defining myself in the goal of minimalism, I would say that I aim to
once again become and stay a moderate minimalist as I have been for most
of my life and because I enjoy seeing the beauty in less and in the
usual. I think a more appropriate term would be that I am trying to live
a more simple, but still comfortable life - one of elegant simplicity
as minimalism may be too restrictive a label for my tastes.
Showing posts with label Productivity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Productivity. Show all posts
Dec 10, 2012
Would You Be Happy Without Friends or Possessions?
If you had no friends, no possessions or were isolated from these things for a period of time, would you still be happy?
I think that at the heart of unhappiness is unhappiness with the self. Granted that we human are social beings, and we are phsyical beings, so we do need some social interaction and also the necessities of life, such as food, clothing and shelter. I think the things beyond the necessities of life bring us joy, such as art, music, books, and even lovely things. However, no matter how many friends we have and objects we may possess, without a healthy contentment in who we are as people, we cannot fully enjoy these things.
There are times when I have gone through periods of stress or depression, and I have purchased items, but I always knew that I am just procrastinating on facing my discomfort or discontent in a situation. Sometimes, I found that just as looking at nature's beauty brings me peace, the beauty of these objects brought me some joy. However, unlike the awe that nature inspires in me and the lessons that it teaches me, these objects soon loose their utility even in their beauty when I am struck with the reality of an apartment running out of space, money wasted or time having to care for these items. This is why I keep coming back to voluntary simplicity, and intend to stay there consistently from hereon.
However, de-cluttering or simplifying is not the entire solution to finding peace, purpose and bliss. I have seen and read a lot of films and surveys on happiness, and they often conclude that many people who have less than others are actually happier because they have a support network and a large group of friends and family. I meet people often, and I am not shy, but because I am an introvert and an HSP, I prefer to keep a small, but amazing group of friends and family. I enjoy time with them a great deal, and there is a mutual exchange of care and value, but a part of me is well aware that I cannot rely on them for happiness or peace. In fact, after a week or several days of spending a lot of time with people, I often feel a little disconcerted and as if I need to find my center. I know that it is partly due to me being an introvert and HSP, but I also feel it is due to an existential awareness that happiness is deeper than people or things.
Happiness is not even in achievement as I know that I achieved a lot academically in my early years, but a few setbacks derailed me and made me loose confidence in my self worth as I associated it with success. I made a lot more money at my previous job than I do now, but I was still unhappy because I was not challenged and stimulated nor pursuing something creative or that I was passionate about.
From the few and wonderful moemnts and periods of bliss that I have experienced in my life, I would say that true happiness is when we are living in the moment and appreciating the moment - the good, the bad, the dark, the light - all that is around us, and when we are doing that thing that sets us afire, that comes naturally and that inspires us and is what I may dare say, we are put on this world to do. It is elusive staying in the moment or finding that thing that makes us come alive, but once you have a glimpse of it, that is what we must remind ourselves of. So, while I enjoy my family, friends and possessions, I am also had periods when I feel disconnected from others and/or disoriented with the things I own or where I am success-wise in life. These moments of inner turmoil and despair have been my teachers and reminders that I must try and keep aware of that elusive peace of the present and that driving power because nothing else has given me such pure and true peace.
I think that at the heart of unhappiness is unhappiness with the self. Granted that we human are social beings, and we are phsyical beings, so we do need some social interaction and also the necessities of life, such as food, clothing and shelter. I think the things beyond the necessities of life bring us joy, such as art, music, books, and even lovely things. However, no matter how many friends we have and objects we may possess, without a healthy contentment in who we are as people, we cannot fully enjoy these things.
There are times when I have gone through periods of stress or depression, and I have purchased items, but I always knew that I am just procrastinating on facing my discomfort or discontent in a situation. Sometimes, I found that just as looking at nature's beauty brings me peace, the beauty of these objects brought me some joy. However, unlike the awe that nature inspires in me and the lessons that it teaches me, these objects soon loose their utility even in their beauty when I am struck with the reality of an apartment running out of space, money wasted or time having to care for these items. This is why I keep coming back to voluntary simplicity, and intend to stay there consistently from hereon.
However, de-cluttering or simplifying is not the entire solution to finding peace, purpose and bliss. I have seen and read a lot of films and surveys on happiness, and they often conclude that many people who have less than others are actually happier because they have a support network and a large group of friends and family. I meet people often, and I am not shy, but because I am an introvert and an HSP, I prefer to keep a small, but amazing group of friends and family. I enjoy time with them a great deal, and there is a mutual exchange of care and value, but a part of me is well aware that I cannot rely on them for happiness or peace. In fact, after a week or several days of spending a lot of time with people, I often feel a little disconcerted and as if I need to find my center. I know that it is partly due to me being an introvert and HSP, but I also feel it is due to an existential awareness that happiness is deeper than people or things.
Happiness is not even in achievement as I know that I achieved a lot academically in my early years, but a few setbacks derailed me and made me loose confidence in my self worth as I associated it with success. I made a lot more money at my previous job than I do now, but I was still unhappy because I was not challenged and stimulated nor pursuing something creative or that I was passionate about.
From the few and wonderful moemnts and periods of bliss that I have experienced in my life, I would say that true happiness is when we are living in the moment and appreciating the moment - the good, the bad, the dark, the light - all that is around us, and when we are doing that thing that sets us afire, that comes naturally and that inspires us and is what I may dare say, we are put on this world to do. It is elusive staying in the moment or finding that thing that makes us come alive, but once you have a glimpse of it, that is what we must remind ourselves of. So, while I enjoy my family, friends and possessions, I am also had periods when I feel disconnected from others and/or disoriented with the things I own or where I am success-wise in life. These moments of inner turmoil and despair have been my teachers and reminders that I must try and keep aware of that elusive peace of the present and that driving power because nothing else has given me such pure and true peace.
Jun 19, 2012
Let Possessions Go = Embrace the Present Self
I have had the guilt over letting go of possessions because I have more than I honestly need and use. Being that I am not working at the moment, I have had some pangs of hesitation to letting go lately, that is not very common for me. It is due to the guilt of money wasted and loosing money when I am not bringing in any income at the moment.
I have listed many items on Ebay, but have either not had sales because people want it dirt cheap. Ebay also high seller insertion fees and final value fees, so the few I have sold have only resulted in about $8 per item for items that were new and valued at least $50 each. I have also had the headache of some buyers not paying and having to initiate a dispute or wanting to return items because they change their mind. I do not get reimbursed for the insertion fees or shipping fees if the buyer returns the item. So, unless there is an item that you can make at least $30 selling, it is not worth it. Consequently, only name high end brand items sell for at least $30. My H&M clothes have not resulted in sales. The time to prepare the item and wait in the post office to ship it does not seem to be worth the $5 net that I make on lower end brand items. Consignment shops only usually give $5 to $10 even for high end items.
I have never hesitated to donate in the past, but there are only two charities that pick up, and I don't have a car to take items to legitimate charities. The two charities that pick up are not well known charities, and I have seen people selling used clothing in Chinatown and other areas, so I am not sure if these charities are legitimate, as research on the internet have not given much detail than a simple website that anyone can make. Since I purchased my items with my hard earned money, I want them to be used to legitimately help others.
However, I have come to a new conclusion today that we can't control certain things, especially the actions of others. When we give money to a homeless person, we cannot be sure that he will use the money for food rather than for alcohol or drugs. We hope that he will use it for food, but we really don't know, do we? My choice with this issue has been to give homeless people only food, and not money. However, with our clothing donations, we can't be sure that the charities are selling the items and using it to help the less fortunate, rather than for their own pockets.
I have accumulated a pile of items as I have lost weight since going back to being a vegetarian a year ago. Many of my items don't fit and cannot be altered and some items cause skin allergies (such as wool and cashmere). While I have donated much in the past, I have held onto good quality items, such as name brand items, items made of wool or cashmere and new shoes or shoes worn just a few times, but are now very tight on me. (My feet have gotten wider as I walk a lot these days, so I have to wear a 6 wide width to 6.5. I can no longer wear my size 5 1/2 or regular size 6 shoes). I have held onto these items, even though I purchased new items to fit me appropriately now because I hoped to sell them on eBay, but deep inside I knew it was not worth the effort, especially when even some of my name brand items didn't sell. I have held on to these items because of guilt and inability to let go of the past, and fear of the future and what I cannot control.
I feel guilt because I am not working and the items discarded are a symbol of the time I worked to earn money to buy the item. I also feel guilt for enjoying shopping for these items, thinking it will bring joy to me, when that joy lasted for only a short time. I feel fear of the future because my mother's constant about not throwing things away because you may need them someday and not have money has made me fearful of not having enough in the future. I have kept many items that didn't sell with the thought that I can refashion clothing into new clothing, but I don't need anymore, so it makes no sense other than adding to the clutter.
Yet today, I am doing a big overhaul and letting go of these chains of guilt and fear. I purchased some of the items in times of pain and uneasiness due to tragedy and feeling down. Keeping items that remind me of that and make me feel guilty for going against my nature and knowledge that objects don't bring peace only make me feel worse in this moment. The reason for the purchase, the time and money spent are now all the past. I cannot get the time or money back, and that is fine. The awareness and lessons from mistakes are jewels of the present that I can apply in the present and not make the same mistakes again. The fear of the future is unfounded. I am not an invalid nor an unintelligent or lazy person. Although I am studying for grad school now, and not working, I will work in the future. Although I don't have extensive long term experiences at jobs, I have managed to get jobs in the past, and at each job, I was valued for my hard work, intelligence, resourcefulness and desire to do well and be efficient.
The fear of not being able to make money or not having enough is not because I crave material things for comfort, but because I am allowing the fears and words of others in society to affect my own view of myself and my capabilities. Not working, worrying about the future, and reflecting about the mistakes of the past diminishes the self esteem and is dis-empowering.
Letting go of things that hold you back, be they ideas, frames of thinking or possessions is a way of empowering yourself because you are challenging the things that cause fear, anxiety or guilt in you. While we cannot control the future or the actions of others, including charities, we can control ourselves and how we view life and ourselves. We can view ourselves as strong and adaptive, or flawed, fearful or always making mistakes.
Holding on to possessions with the hope of one day selling on ebay, while they pile up and cause us to waste time re-arranging, cleaning and feeling guilty about only makes us feel a loss of energy. While we may have indeed wasted money by buying these items, and not using them and now donating them, we do not have to wallow in mistakes and bad choices forever. We can take this as an opportunity for strength to overcome the past, live solely in the present and take actions for a more fruitful future.
So, today if you are trying to reduce your possessions, take a deep breath and let go of the attachment to the past, to attitudes you have held on to, to guilt and to the possessions. Don't look at the possessions and create stories in your mind or lament over the feelings associated with them. Don't let yourself feel the overwhelming feelings of guilt and fear, but feel the emotions of the the beginning of a freer, less attached you, that lives only in the present. Take that donation box, and just ruthlessly put in the items that you have not used in the last few months or that do not give value to who you are now and who you want to be. Let go, welcome change and embrace today.
I have listed many items on Ebay, but have either not had sales because people want it dirt cheap. Ebay also high seller insertion fees and final value fees, so the few I have sold have only resulted in about $8 per item for items that were new and valued at least $50 each. I have also had the headache of some buyers not paying and having to initiate a dispute or wanting to return items because they change their mind. I do not get reimbursed for the insertion fees or shipping fees if the buyer returns the item. So, unless there is an item that you can make at least $30 selling, it is not worth it. Consequently, only name high end brand items sell for at least $30. My H&M clothes have not resulted in sales. The time to prepare the item and wait in the post office to ship it does not seem to be worth the $5 net that I make on lower end brand items. Consignment shops only usually give $5 to $10 even for high end items.
I have never hesitated to donate in the past, but there are only two charities that pick up, and I don't have a car to take items to legitimate charities. The two charities that pick up are not well known charities, and I have seen people selling used clothing in Chinatown and other areas, so I am not sure if these charities are legitimate, as research on the internet have not given much detail than a simple website that anyone can make. Since I purchased my items with my hard earned money, I want them to be used to legitimately help others.
However, I have come to a new conclusion today that we can't control certain things, especially the actions of others. When we give money to a homeless person, we cannot be sure that he will use the money for food rather than for alcohol or drugs. We hope that he will use it for food, but we really don't know, do we? My choice with this issue has been to give homeless people only food, and not money. However, with our clothing donations, we can't be sure that the charities are selling the items and using it to help the less fortunate, rather than for their own pockets.
I have accumulated a pile of items as I have lost weight since going back to being a vegetarian a year ago. Many of my items don't fit and cannot be altered and some items cause skin allergies (such as wool and cashmere). While I have donated much in the past, I have held onto good quality items, such as name brand items, items made of wool or cashmere and new shoes or shoes worn just a few times, but are now very tight on me. (My feet have gotten wider as I walk a lot these days, so I have to wear a 6 wide width to 6.5. I can no longer wear my size 5 1/2 or regular size 6 shoes). I have held onto these items, even though I purchased new items to fit me appropriately now because I hoped to sell them on eBay, but deep inside I knew it was not worth the effort, especially when even some of my name brand items didn't sell. I have held on to these items because of guilt and inability to let go of the past, and fear of the future and what I cannot control.
I feel guilt because I am not working and the items discarded are a symbol of the time I worked to earn money to buy the item. I also feel guilt for enjoying shopping for these items, thinking it will bring joy to me, when that joy lasted for only a short time. I feel fear of the future because my mother's constant about not throwing things away because you may need them someday and not have money has made me fearful of not having enough in the future. I have kept many items that didn't sell with the thought that I can refashion clothing into new clothing, but I don't need anymore, so it makes no sense other than adding to the clutter.
Yet today, I am doing a big overhaul and letting go of these chains of guilt and fear. I purchased some of the items in times of pain and uneasiness due to tragedy and feeling down. Keeping items that remind me of that and make me feel guilty for going against my nature and knowledge that objects don't bring peace only make me feel worse in this moment. The reason for the purchase, the time and money spent are now all the past. I cannot get the time or money back, and that is fine. The awareness and lessons from mistakes are jewels of the present that I can apply in the present and not make the same mistakes again. The fear of the future is unfounded. I am not an invalid nor an unintelligent or lazy person. Although I am studying for grad school now, and not working, I will work in the future. Although I don't have extensive long term experiences at jobs, I have managed to get jobs in the past, and at each job, I was valued for my hard work, intelligence, resourcefulness and desire to do well and be efficient.
The fear of not being able to make money or not having enough is not because I crave material things for comfort, but because I am allowing the fears and words of others in society to affect my own view of myself and my capabilities. Not working, worrying about the future, and reflecting about the mistakes of the past diminishes the self esteem and is dis-empowering.
Letting go of things that hold you back, be they ideas, frames of thinking or possessions is a way of empowering yourself because you are challenging the things that cause fear, anxiety or guilt in you. While we cannot control the future or the actions of others, including charities, we can control ourselves and how we view life and ourselves. We can view ourselves as strong and adaptive, or flawed, fearful or always making mistakes.
Holding on to possessions with the hope of one day selling on ebay, while they pile up and cause us to waste time re-arranging, cleaning and feeling guilty about only makes us feel a loss of energy. While we may have indeed wasted money by buying these items, and not using them and now donating them, we do not have to wallow in mistakes and bad choices forever. We can take this as an opportunity for strength to overcome the past, live solely in the present and take actions for a more fruitful future.
So, today if you are trying to reduce your possessions, take a deep breath and let go of the attachment to the past, to attitudes you have held on to, to guilt and to the possessions. Don't look at the possessions and create stories in your mind or lament over the feelings associated with them. Don't let yourself feel the overwhelming feelings of guilt and fear, but feel the emotions of the the beginning of a freer, less attached you, that lives only in the present. Take that donation box, and just ruthlessly put in the items that you have not used in the last few months or that do not give value to who you are now and who you want to be. Let go, welcome change and embrace today.
Moderation for Progress
I have a high respect for people who are minimalist due to the sheer discipline. However, I have found that some people believe that doing so makes you automatically a successful and self fulfilled person. I was a minimalist to some extent for most of my life in that I had only clothing and items I used, except for my large library of books. In my mid twenties, I shopped a lot, trying to fit an image that friends said I needed in the corporate world. However, unlike before, many of the items I had were not really "me", but others style that they oppressed on me. So, in the last 4 years, I went on an extreme spin to be a minimalist. It was great to challenge myself to see how much I can live without. Yet, I don't feel that I moved much towards achieving success in life due to it. I enjoy material things, but was never attached to them nor did I ever have the mistaken belief that I would find happiness purely by obtaining stuff. However, the minimalist goals of living close to the land, living with less stuff, shopping less and finding more time for friends and family did not fulfill me in themselves. I have always seen family as important, and other than school loans, I have never been in debt over purchasing items. I don't believe in having stuff you don't use, nor buying stuff you don't use, though I have certainly had my mishaps. I also don't believe in rampant consumerism for the sake of it or for the false believe that it will fulfill you. Doing without is refreshing and freeing, but having also can create joy and comfort. Therefore, I find moderation, not minimalism or extreme materialism is a better way.
What struck me about many minimalists is that they are so extreme. Some harped at me for owning 20 pairs of shoes when I work in the corporate legal field and live in NYC where our streets are not forgiving on shoes, and where we have 4 seasons.
People seem to have categories of minimalism now, such as extreme minimalist or moderate minimalist, but these are highly arbitrary. You are either a minimalist (obsessed with reducing possessions & living with less), an materialist/extremist (obsessed with gaining material possessions) or a moderate. I think most people fall into the category of being moderate, and with anything in life, moderation may be be the best in most things. I personally do not consider myself a minimalist or a materialist, but rather a moderate.
I am not obsessed with material things, but I have no desire to be so strict on myself that I cannot enjoy a small shopping trip now and then. I donate regularly, so I am not so attached to things that I am not letting them go. While I have had guilt at wasting money on purchases that didn't fit into my lifestyle in the past, it was a valuable lesson learned, and one that I remember to not commit. I make time for friends and family, and know that they are a great treasure. However, I am aware that my peace and self fulfillment is most important as if I don't have those, I am not as pleasant, encouraging and kind as I could be. So, yes, I do want to move up in life. I have career goals that I want to achieve. I would like to live a comfortable life. However, I also have big dreams to help others if I am blessed enough to achieve wealth. My reasons for attaining career success are 1) to be self fulfilled and reach my highest potential, 2) to be self sufficient so I am not a burden or expense on my family and to build a life with my husband, and 3) to give back to my close family, close friends and society. They are all equally important goals to me. In being self fulfilled, I like to have nice things and enjoy beauty. It is not a need per se, but something that makes me happy to reward myself for my hard work.
So, extreme minimalists may not agree and look down. I know some who are not working or are just happy being where they are in life, just living on a small budget and hanging out with friends and family in most of their time. That may make them happy, and that is fine. I personally think contentment is commendable. However, as much as I love people and my loved ones, having goals and challenging myself to achieve is also integral to my happiness. So, to each his own.
What struck me about many minimalists is that they are so extreme. Some harped at me for owning 20 pairs of shoes when I work in the corporate legal field and live in NYC where our streets are not forgiving on shoes, and where we have 4 seasons.
People seem to have categories of minimalism now, such as extreme minimalist or moderate minimalist, but these are highly arbitrary. You are either a minimalist (obsessed with reducing possessions & living with less), an materialist/extremist (obsessed with gaining material possessions) or a moderate. I think most people fall into the category of being moderate, and with anything in life, moderation may be be the best in most things. I personally do not consider myself a minimalist or a materialist, but rather a moderate.
I am not obsessed with material things, but I have no desire to be so strict on myself that I cannot enjoy a small shopping trip now and then. I donate regularly, so I am not so attached to things that I am not letting them go. While I have had guilt at wasting money on purchases that didn't fit into my lifestyle in the past, it was a valuable lesson learned, and one that I remember to not commit. I make time for friends and family, and know that they are a great treasure. However, I am aware that my peace and self fulfillment is most important as if I don't have those, I am not as pleasant, encouraging and kind as I could be. So, yes, I do want to move up in life. I have career goals that I want to achieve. I would like to live a comfortable life. However, I also have big dreams to help others if I am blessed enough to achieve wealth. My reasons for attaining career success are 1) to be self fulfilled and reach my highest potential, 2) to be self sufficient so I am not a burden or expense on my family and to build a life with my husband, and 3) to give back to my close family, close friends and society. They are all equally important goals to me. In being self fulfilled, I like to have nice things and enjoy beauty. It is not a need per se, but something that makes me happy to reward myself for my hard work.
So, extreme minimalists may not agree and look down. I know some who are not working or are just happy being where they are in life, just living on a small budget and hanging out with friends and family in most of their time. That may make them happy, and that is fine. I personally think contentment is commendable. However, as much as I love people and my loved ones, having goals and challenging myself to achieve is also integral to my happiness. So, to each his own.
The Greatest Skill - A Positive Attitude
I can attest to my performance in any area of life being contingent on my attitude. I am human, and I have had let criticisms and negative comments from some "friends" affect me, although I have been for most of my life, encouraging to friends. However, when it comes down to fulfillment in our life, we are ultimately responsible. So, in cases such as these, we should internally deflect these comments or defend ourselves and wait to see if the friends change this behavior. If they don't, distance yourself, and don't let them sully your attitude with their negativity. Sometimes, we also are our own spirit-dampener, whether it is because we are used to the habit of pessimism ourselves or if we are going through depression due to a rough time in our lives. However, a positive attitude is the greatest skill that we can have to make progress internally and externally in life. Comforting friends and expressing ourselves is not a bad thing. We all need that. Even criticism is not bad if the person does so with a solution to help us, and says it in a gentle way. However, people who are consistently miserable do not help themselves or the world at large. We will all have our moments, but as a whole, starting today, try to eradicate a consistently negative outlook from your own mind, and do not spread the poison of negativity. Every day is filled with gifts of life if we would only move the veils away and see clearly.
Here are some quotes that inspire me on the topic:
Here are some quotes that inspire me on the topic:
- Since the house is on fire, let us warm ourselves. -Italian Proverb
- Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world. ~Eckhart Tolle
- In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus, Lyrical and Critical Essays
- If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one. -Cavett Robert
- Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left. -Hubert Humphrey
- Learn to smile at every situation. See it as an opportunity to prove your strength and ability. -Joe Brown
- A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. -Robert Frost
- Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
- The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so; but we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitoes and silly people. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
- If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. ~Vince Lombardi
- My riches consist not in the extent of my possessions, but in the fewness of my wants. ~J. Brotherton
- I don't like that man. I must get to know him better. ~Abraham Lincoln
- I don't think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains. ~Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl
- The best things in life are unexpected - because there were no expectations. ~Eli Khamarov, Surviving on Planet Reebok
- Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye. ~Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Frankenstein, 1818
- Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
- Whenever you fall, pick something up. ~Oswald Avery
- Success is due less to ability than to zeal. ~Charles Buxton
- You're not going to make me have a bad day. If there's oxygen on earth and I'm breathing, it's going to be a good day. ~Cotton Fitzsimmons
- Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. ~Betty Smith
- The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald
- I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet. ~Mahatma Gandhi
- There's a saying among prospectors: "Go out looking for one thing, and that's all you'll ever find." ~Robert Flaherty
- The soul does not absorb negativity by accident, always by choice. ~Dodinsky, www.dodinsky.com
- Being a sex symbol has to do with an attitude, not looks. Most men think it's looks, most women know otherwise. ~Kathleen Turner
- We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails. ~Author Unknown
- The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong. ~Thomas Carlyle
- We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. ~Joseph Campbell
Jun 7, 2012
Being Your Authentic Self (Self-Esteem & Self-Actualization)
It is a conundrum that I am sure humans have faced since the dawn of civilization and society: be autonomous, unique and independent OR be harmonious and confirm to certain ideals of society. Personally, I have been on both sides of the spectrum, but 80% on the side of being independent. However, it has been an extreme that has not always created balance and clarity in my life. This is because the fact is that we live in a society and have to play by certain rules and need each other to subsist. I certainly have needed people in my life, but I am very stubborn to ask for help due to not burdening others, but more so out of not wanting to give up control to anyone or my authenticity to appease others. However, the truth is that unless you live on the land, fetch your own water from streams, hunt wild animals and build a hut from forest timber, we all need people and interact with people in our day to day lives. I enjoy people and a thriving environment very much, but have been torn by the need for human contact, interaction and help.
Here's a great video about self-esteem and Self-Actualization pertaining to Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, which has to do with being the being the best version of yourself. I will post more on this topic in the future.
Here's a great video about self-esteem and Self-Actualization pertaining to Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, which has to do with being the being the best version of yourself. I will post more on this topic in the future.
Mar 25, 2012
Building a Streamlined Professional Wardrobe Part I - De-clutter
Many women and even men look at their wardrobe when they have to go out, and are baffled. They utter that they have nothing to wear when clearly their wardrobes may be bursting open. The problem is that when you have too much of what does not match you or your lifestyle, getting dressed becomes a big stress. Often times, we are living in the past, trying to hang on desperately to youth or memories and not looking at what our lives are at the present and our goals for the future.
There is a common and wise advice that you should always dress for where you want to be or for the position you want in the future. Now, this is not to say that you need to wear a full suit if the head boss in your company wears one. However, you should dress professionally if that is the dress code of those in management. I have seen many women in my position dress like those less than their position or not even work appropriate, such as overly tight clothing or wild prints. I have genuinely appreciate the dress of some in lesser positions than me as they are very trendy and stylish, and I would wear similar outfits if I was going out on the weekend. However, for the office, since I met with clients and attorneys, I dressed very professionally.
I have a very professional work wardrobe that consists of 5 full pantsuits, 3 skirt suits, and 10 blazers that can be mixed and matched with pants, and 7 Chanel-styled blazers that can be match with work skirts and dresses. I have 12 pairs of slacks, 5 business skirts, 3 silk summer skirts, and 5 shift/sheath dresses. All the items are in black, grey, navy or pinstripe. This may seem utterly boring, but I wear silk/silky shirts and flowing blouses in black, ivory, red and royal blue under to create an elegant and more feminine look. To make the outfits not look too bland, I will wear earrings and necklaces. I also have several watches as I am a big fan of them, although I ironically need better time management at times.
Now, I am not saying that I have it all figured out as I am writing this post as my own wardrobe needs serious de-cluttering, of which I'm in the process. However, I wanted to share some of my realizations as I am going through my wardrobe. My professional wardrobe is very streamlined, but I have a lot of vagrant pieces that seem out of place and that I have insisted to myself is my casual wear. The truth is though that I go out with friends only once or twice a month, and I do not need an entire closet full of clothing to do so.
In de-cluttering, it is very important to asses your goals and daily activities, and proportion your wardrobe to that. For instance, if you work, you spend or intend to spend (for those of us in the job hunting phase), 70% of your days of the week at work, so it only makes sense that 70% of your wardrobe be professional. Your can allocate the other 25% to casual wear and another 5% for home wear or workout clothing. For very formal wear, it might be a good idea to have 3 outfits per occasion category, such as 3 cocktail dresses and 3 ballgowns. If you work from home or are a stay at home mom or housewife, you may choose to have 70% casual for home and running errands and 25% business casual for going out, meeting clients or parent teacher nights.
I personally have 50% casual wear and 50% professional wear, although I worked and intend to work 5 days a week or 70% of my week. As a result, I waste a lot of time looking for things, matching and getting dressed, and don't have room in my 2 closets and 1 dresser anymore. I need to dwindle down my casual wear to at least one third the amount.
I have held on to my casual wear because most of my close friends are in industries where their dress code is a lot more casual than mine. I have a casual wardrobe because I believe I would feel place wearing slack and blouses to hang out when they are wearing jeans and tshirts. However, this did not bother me in my early and mid twenties because during that time I wore my slacks to hang out with my friends with a simple blouse or once in a while, I would wear jeans with my work button down blouses. I have gone out of that semi casual/business style that felt very me in the last few years, and I have purchased a casual wardrobe to fit in more to my life two years ago when I took graduate classes and now as I am not currently employed. However, now that I am looking for work again, and a few times when I have work more business like wear to go out with my husband, I realize again that a business casual looks feels more of who I am. It no longer makes sense to me to have 3 separate wardrobes: formal business, business casual and extremely casual.
It is true that the world judges us by what we wears, so I do think it is important to dress professionally if that is the dress code of your firm and if you meet with clients or management in your firm because a professional image lends to your credibility. However, when it comes to what we wear for our leisure, it should be what we feel comfortable and ourselves in, and not for society, loved ones or friends. My husband likes to dress casual most of the time, and when we first me, it may have sometimes seemed that we don't match. However, it didn't matter to me how he dressed as he dressed appropriately if we were going somewhere special, and he always looked neat and clean, even in casual clothing. This is the same acceptance that others should have of us. I have had a friend in the past harp on me for not dressing in more expensive and professional clothing because that is what she chose to do. I took her advice and bought a slew of cardigans and slacks that were too large to look less attractive and more business like, but I didn't feel good about myself because it was not me. I later saw her wearing ruffles, lace and brighter colors like I did, and was very resentful. However, I did not realize that I had begun to dress to fit in with those around me, such as grad students and my casual friends, when in the past I never dressed to fit in with anyone. Some people give advice and feel that they are being helpful when they try to mold you in their own image, but it is our choice to listen or not. I certainly could have taken a few pointers from my friend, but to change myself and not look at my preferences caused dissatisfaction and waste. We must have a deep sense of ourselves, our likes and our dislikes, and not be swayed by friends or people we look up to, like superiors. My major resentment is not as much in the money I wasted first buying professional clothes to fit someone else's image or casual clothing, although I do have major regrets about they money spent and the hours lost earning that money. My biggest resentment is that I have always had a strong sense of self and preference, but stopped listening to myself and what I was comfortable with for a few years.
To return back to streamlining your wardrobe, in selecting what you keep and throw away/donate, remember to keep things in which you feel comfortable, good and yourself in.
Do share your ideas with me.
There is a common and wise advice that you should always dress for where you want to be or for the position you want in the future. Now, this is not to say that you need to wear a full suit if the head boss in your company wears one. However, you should dress professionally if that is the dress code of those in management. I have seen many women in my position dress like those less than their position or not even work appropriate, such as overly tight clothing or wild prints. I have genuinely appreciate the dress of some in lesser positions than me as they are very trendy and stylish, and I would wear similar outfits if I was going out on the weekend. However, for the office, since I met with clients and attorneys, I dressed very professionally.
I have a very professional work wardrobe that consists of 5 full pantsuits, 3 skirt suits, and 10 blazers that can be mixed and matched with pants, and 7 Chanel-styled blazers that can be match with work skirts and dresses. I have 12 pairs of slacks, 5 business skirts, 3 silk summer skirts, and 5 shift/sheath dresses. All the items are in black, grey, navy or pinstripe. This may seem utterly boring, but I wear silk/silky shirts and flowing blouses in black, ivory, red and royal blue under to create an elegant and more feminine look. To make the outfits not look too bland, I will wear earrings and necklaces. I also have several watches as I am a big fan of them, although I ironically need better time management at times.
Now, I am not saying that I have it all figured out as I am writing this post as my own wardrobe needs serious de-cluttering, of which I'm in the process. However, I wanted to share some of my realizations as I am going through my wardrobe. My professional wardrobe is very streamlined, but I have a lot of vagrant pieces that seem out of place and that I have insisted to myself is my casual wear. The truth is though that I go out with friends only once or twice a month, and I do not need an entire closet full of clothing to do so.
In de-cluttering, it is very important to asses your goals and daily activities, and proportion your wardrobe to that. For instance, if you work, you spend or intend to spend (for those of us in the job hunting phase), 70% of your days of the week at work, so it only makes sense that 70% of your wardrobe be professional. Your can allocate the other 25% to casual wear and another 5% for home wear or workout clothing. For very formal wear, it might be a good idea to have 3 outfits per occasion category, such as 3 cocktail dresses and 3 ballgowns. If you work from home or are a stay at home mom or housewife, you may choose to have 70% casual for home and running errands and 25% business casual for going out, meeting clients or parent teacher nights.
I personally have 50% casual wear and 50% professional wear, although I worked and intend to work 5 days a week or 70% of my week. As a result, I waste a lot of time looking for things, matching and getting dressed, and don't have room in my 2 closets and 1 dresser anymore. I need to dwindle down my casual wear to at least one third the amount.
I have held on to my casual wear because most of my close friends are in industries where their dress code is a lot more casual than mine. I have a casual wardrobe because I believe I would feel place wearing slack and blouses to hang out when they are wearing jeans and tshirts. However, this did not bother me in my early and mid twenties because during that time I wore my slacks to hang out with my friends with a simple blouse or once in a while, I would wear jeans with my work button down blouses. I have gone out of that semi casual/business style that felt very me in the last few years, and I have purchased a casual wardrobe to fit in more to my life two years ago when I took graduate classes and now as I am not currently employed. However, now that I am looking for work again, and a few times when I have work more business like wear to go out with my husband, I realize again that a business casual looks feels more of who I am. It no longer makes sense to me to have 3 separate wardrobes: formal business, business casual and extremely casual.
It is true that the world judges us by what we wears, so I do think it is important to dress professionally if that is the dress code of your firm and if you meet with clients or management in your firm because a professional image lends to your credibility. However, when it comes to what we wear for our leisure, it should be what we feel comfortable and ourselves in, and not for society, loved ones or friends. My husband likes to dress casual most of the time, and when we first me, it may have sometimes seemed that we don't match. However, it didn't matter to me how he dressed as he dressed appropriately if we were going somewhere special, and he always looked neat and clean, even in casual clothing. This is the same acceptance that others should have of us. I have had a friend in the past harp on me for not dressing in more expensive and professional clothing because that is what she chose to do. I took her advice and bought a slew of cardigans and slacks that were too large to look less attractive and more business like, but I didn't feel good about myself because it was not me. I later saw her wearing ruffles, lace and brighter colors like I did, and was very resentful. However, I did not realize that I had begun to dress to fit in with those around me, such as grad students and my casual friends, when in the past I never dressed to fit in with anyone. Some people give advice and feel that they are being helpful when they try to mold you in their own image, but it is our choice to listen or not. I certainly could have taken a few pointers from my friend, but to change myself and not look at my preferences caused dissatisfaction and waste. We must have a deep sense of ourselves, our likes and our dislikes, and not be swayed by friends or people we look up to, like superiors. My major resentment is not as much in the money I wasted first buying professional clothes to fit someone else's image or casual clothing, although I do have major regrets about they money spent and the hours lost earning that money. My biggest resentment is that I have always had a strong sense of self and preference, but stopped listening to myself and what I was comfortable with for a few years.
To return back to streamlining your wardrobe, in selecting what you keep and throw away/donate, remember to keep things in which you feel comfortable, good and yourself in.
Do share your ideas with me.
Green Ideas for Better Health & Productivity
Limiting the things that I bring into my home and simplifying my chores gives me more time to do what I really enjoy. I find that using environmentally friendly products are better for my health and for the environment. Here are some products and practices that I employ that makes my life a little bit easier.
SKIN CARE
Use natural skin care products. It is better for the environment and your skin. Coincidentally, most natural products have fewer ingredients than other products. Look for those with the least ingredients and with no preservatives. If you don’t use face makeup (powder, foundation, concealer, blush, etc.), steaming your face with a soft wash cloth and boiling water should be sufficient. If you run out of natural products or can’t find them near your neighborhood, products for extremely sensitive skin, such as Cephatil or Eucerin, also have fewer ingredients.
HOUSE CLEANING
Baking soda and vinegar are miracle house cleaners, which were used before cleaners were mass marketed. You can use them to deodorize, clean stoves, counter tops, tubs, sinks, etc. Check this site for recipes/idea. I use baking soda to clean pots and pans, and soak dishes in baking soda and minimal water to loosen grease and food, but I am looking for an alternative to liquid soap to wash dishes. Any ideas?
LAUNDRY/DRY CLEANING
For delicate materials, such as silk, cashmere and merino wool (which encompass half of my wardrobe due to my sensitive skin), you can just use clear, cheap shampoo, like Suave, White Rain or Tresemme to hand wash them in lukewarm water. This saves money on the cleaners and protects the environment because dry cleaning solvents are dangerous for the environment and also bad for your clothing because they break down fabrics. If you have a stain, try to treat it right away with a little hot water and undyed soap. Then you can just steam the fabric when you get home. Steaming is also a good alternative to dry cleaning if your aim is just to freshen your clothing after a wear of two until you are ready to wash it with gentle shampoo.
PERIODICALS – I have done away with all my magazine subscriptions, except one for boyfriend’s reading in the bathroom. lol. Sorry for being explicit. You can read most of the information on online versions of most newspapers and magazines. If you want premium content, most major newspapers and magazine offer online subscriptions now, but I advise not to complicate your life by doing so unless you need premium content for your job. Also, ask retailers to remove you from their mailing if you can so you don’t get catalogs and junk mail. When you do get catalogs or junk mail, recycle right away rather than letting them pile up. Don’t bother looking through them to browse unless there was something you were looking for previously.
BOOKS
I love the tactile-ness of books, but have only purchased a few books this entire year, since my husband bought me a Kindle Fire. I used to go on compulsive bookstore shopping at Strands and Barnes & Nobles. I still have held on to books not in eBook format, such as a few goth culture books, historical books on witchcraft and vampires, my collection of Poe and Lovecraft stories and my law books. However, all else have been replaced via eBook if the copyright has been expired, such as classics, like Wuthering Heights, and some of my psychology books. This saves so much time and space, and it looks so much like a book that the first few weeks of using it, I would reach for the edge as if turning a page. It is a little pricey, though cheaper than the Kindle, even though it was the first innovator of EBook technology. It is worth the price though in convenience and portability for your back, and think of how much you would save if you had to move all those books. Not to mention that it saves trees. All the classics are available in eBook format, and many current books are being produced as in eBook format (pdf) also. You can download classics, where copyrights have been expired, for free from Project Gutenberg and read in pdf format on the reader. These days, I only buy regular books if I really need them and cannot find it in a store. I also encourage supporting smaller booksellers when possible.
HOUSEKEEPING
Housecleaning takes up a lot of time if you have a lot of possessions, so the first thing that I recommend is clear out anything you have not used in the past year. This includes kitchen gadgets, office supplies, magazines, old video games and toys if you have children, etc., most of which can be donated to thrift stores. I also recommend getting rid of excess bins and containers because although they are marketed to keep clutter under control, they also keep you unaware of all the things that you actually own. The plastic in bins are also bad for the environment. I keep all kitchen items in accessible cupboards so they can be used regularly rather than stored somewhere. For two people who don’t usually entertain more than 4 people at a time, 6 forks, 6 knives, 6 spoons, 6 plates, 6 bowls and 6 glasses are sufficient. A lot of people have way too many house wares that they rarely or never use. We used to have only 2 of each, but since we like to have a few friends over instead of spending a lot of money dining out all the time, we bought a few more items, but not more than needed.
CLOTHING
I have said a lot about minimizing clothes in my other posts, since as a female that was my biggest area I had to minimize when I started this journey. I have to emphasize that I do not recommend storing clothes, shoes or coats where you cannot see them because you will not be aware of how much you actually have. I keep all my clothes hung up and shoes on wood shelves and in wood baskets. At the end of the season, I wash or steam all my clothing and put them in clear, reusable suit bags. I hate using plastic, but this makes it easier to see the items that I have in the event that I need an off season item and also to keep inventory of all that I have. Shoes that I am currently using go on a wood shelf near the door, and those not in use are in wooden baskets in the bottom of my closet.
FOOD
I am not a strict vegetarian, but try to eat meat and fish as little as possible. I used to be a strict vegetarian, but as I am anemic, I got very sick, and my doctor recommended that I eat a little more protein. So I eat fish and seafood 2 to 3 times a week, and once in a blue when I visit my boyfriend’s parent’s home, I eat chicken or pork if there is nothing else because I do not want to inconvenience them, but that is rare. That said, I try to eat simple, vegetarian food most of the time. It is better for the environment because of all the emissions and food required to maintain the food industry and for your health as studies have shown that communities that do not eat meat live longer. See the Cornell China Study, and the Oprah’s episode on centenarian (person who is at least 100 years old) populations around the world. I walk with vegetarian snacks, like Kashi cereal, dried fruits, etc., so if I am hungry and cannot find a vegetarian friendly menu or if it is too expensive such as in New York, I have sustenance to hold me out until I get home. I do my best not to eat chocolate, processed food or excess sugar, though I do have a fruit filled cookie or make flan or other desserts. I try to make deserts at home because there are no or less preservatives and less sugar than store bought items.
SKIN CARE
Use natural skin care products. It is better for the environment and your skin. Coincidentally, most natural products have fewer ingredients than other products. Look for those with the least ingredients and with no preservatives. If you don’t use face makeup (powder, foundation, concealer, blush, etc.), steaming your face with a soft wash cloth and boiling water should be sufficient. If you run out of natural products or can’t find them near your neighborhood, products for extremely sensitive skin, such as Cephatil or Eucerin, also have fewer ingredients.
HOUSE CLEANING
Baking soda and vinegar are miracle house cleaners, which were used before cleaners were mass marketed. You can use them to deodorize, clean stoves, counter tops, tubs, sinks, etc. Check this site for recipes/idea. I use baking soda to clean pots and pans, and soak dishes in baking soda and minimal water to loosen grease and food, but I am looking for an alternative to liquid soap to wash dishes. Any ideas?
LAUNDRY/DRY CLEANING
For delicate materials, such as silk, cashmere and merino wool (which encompass half of my wardrobe due to my sensitive skin), you can just use clear, cheap shampoo, like Suave, White Rain or Tresemme to hand wash them in lukewarm water. This saves money on the cleaners and protects the environment because dry cleaning solvents are dangerous for the environment and also bad for your clothing because they break down fabrics. If you have a stain, try to treat it right away with a little hot water and undyed soap. Then you can just steam the fabric when you get home. Steaming is also a good alternative to dry cleaning if your aim is just to freshen your clothing after a wear of two until you are ready to wash it with gentle shampoo.
PERIODICALS – I have done away with all my magazine subscriptions, except one for boyfriend’s reading in the bathroom. lol. Sorry for being explicit. You can read most of the information on online versions of most newspapers and magazines. If you want premium content, most major newspapers and magazine offer online subscriptions now, but I advise not to complicate your life by doing so unless you need premium content for your job. Also, ask retailers to remove you from their mailing if you can so you don’t get catalogs and junk mail. When you do get catalogs or junk mail, recycle right away rather than letting them pile up. Don’t bother looking through them to browse unless there was something you were looking for previously.
BOOKS
I love the tactile-ness of books, but have only purchased a few books this entire year, since my husband bought me a Kindle Fire. I used to go on compulsive bookstore shopping at Strands and Barnes & Nobles. I still have held on to books not in eBook format, such as a few goth culture books, historical books on witchcraft and vampires, my collection of Poe and Lovecraft stories and my law books. However, all else have been replaced via eBook if the copyright has been expired, such as classics, like Wuthering Heights, and some of my psychology books. This saves so much time and space, and it looks so much like a book that the first few weeks of using it, I would reach for the edge as if turning a page. It is a little pricey, though cheaper than the Kindle, even though it was the first innovator of EBook technology. It is worth the price though in convenience and portability for your back, and think of how much you would save if you had to move all those books. Not to mention that it saves trees. All the classics are available in eBook format, and many current books are being produced as in eBook format (pdf) also. You can download classics, where copyrights have been expired, for free from Project Gutenberg and read in pdf format on the reader. These days, I only buy regular books if I really need them and cannot find it in a store. I also encourage supporting smaller booksellers when possible.
HOUSEKEEPING
Housecleaning takes up a lot of time if you have a lot of possessions, so the first thing that I recommend is clear out anything you have not used in the past year. This includes kitchen gadgets, office supplies, magazines, old video games and toys if you have children, etc., most of which can be donated to thrift stores. I also recommend getting rid of excess bins and containers because although they are marketed to keep clutter under control, they also keep you unaware of all the things that you actually own. The plastic in bins are also bad for the environment. I keep all kitchen items in accessible cupboards so they can be used regularly rather than stored somewhere. For two people who don’t usually entertain more than 4 people at a time, 6 forks, 6 knives, 6 spoons, 6 plates, 6 bowls and 6 glasses are sufficient. A lot of people have way too many house wares that they rarely or never use. We used to have only 2 of each, but since we like to have a few friends over instead of spending a lot of money dining out all the time, we bought a few more items, but not more than needed.
CLOTHING
I have said a lot about minimizing clothes in my other posts, since as a female that was my biggest area I had to minimize when I started this journey. I have to emphasize that I do not recommend storing clothes, shoes or coats where you cannot see them because you will not be aware of how much you actually have. I keep all my clothes hung up and shoes on wood shelves and in wood baskets. At the end of the season, I wash or steam all my clothing and put them in clear, reusable suit bags. I hate using plastic, but this makes it easier to see the items that I have in the event that I need an off season item and also to keep inventory of all that I have. Shoes that I am currently using go on a wood shelf near the door, and those not in use are in wooden baskets in the bottom of my closet.
FOOD
I am not a strict vegetarian, but try to eat meat and fish as little as possible. I used to be a strict vegetarian, but as I am anemic, I got very sick, and my doctor recommended that I eat a little more protein. So I eat fish and seafood 2 to 3 times a week, and once in a blue when I visit my boyfriend’s parent’s home, I eat chicken or pork if there is nothing else because I do not want to inconvenience them, but that is rare. That said, I try to eat simple, vegetarian food most of the time. It is better for the environment because of all the emissions and food required to maintain the food industry and for your health as studies have shown that communities that do not eat meat live longer. See the Cornell China Study, and the Oprah’s episode on centenarian (person who is at least 100 years old) populations around the world. I walk with vegetarian snacks, like Kashi cereal, dried fruits, etc., so if I am hungry and cannot find a vegetarian friendly menu or if it is too expensive such as in New York, I have sustenance to hold me out until I get home. I do my best not to eat chocolate, processed food or excess sugar, though I do have a fruit filled cookie or make flan or other desserts. I try to make deserts at home because there are no or less preservatives and less sugar than store bought items.
Mar 24, 2012
Moderation for Progress
I have a high respect for people who are minimalist due to the sheer discipline. However, I have found that some people believe that doing so makes you automatically a successful and self fulfilled person. I was a minimalist for most of my life, although I did not give myself such a label. I had only clothing and items I used, except for my large library of books. In my mid twenties, I shopped a lot, trying to fit an image that friends said I needed in the corporate world. However, unlike before, many of the items I had were not really "me", but others style that they oppressed on me. So, in the last 4 years, I went on an extreme spin to be a minimalist. It was great to challenge myself to see how much I can live without. Yet, I don't feel that I moved much towards achieving success in life due to it. I enjoy material things, but was never attached to them nor did I ever have the mistaken belief that I would find happiness purely by obtaining stuff. However, the minimalist goals of living close to the land, living with less stuff, shopping less and finding more time for friends and family did not fulfill me in themselves. I have always seen family as important, and other than school loans, I have never been in debt over purchasing items. I don't believe in having stuff you don't use, nor buying stuff you don't use, though I have certainly had my mishaps. I also don't believe in rampant consumerism for the sake of it or for the false believe that it will fulfill you. Doing without is refreshing and freeing, but having also can create joy and comfort. Therefore, I find moderation, not minimalism or extreme materialism is a better way.
What struck me about many minimalists is that they are so extreme. Some harped at me for owning 20 pairs of shoes when I work in the corporate legal field and live in NYC where our streets are not forgiving on shoes, and where we have 4 seasons.
People seem to have categories of minimalism now, such as extreme minimalist or moderate minimalist, but these are highly arbitrary. You are either a minimalist (obsessed with reducing possessions & living with less), an materialist/extremist (obsessed with gaining material possessions) or a moderate. I think most people fall into the category of being moderate, and with anything in life, moderation may be be the best in most things. I personally do not consider myself a minimalist or a materialist, but rather a moderate.
I am not obsessed with material things, but I have no desire to be so strict on myself that I cannot enjoy a small shopping trip now and then. I donate regularly, so I am not so attached to things that I am not letting them go. While I have had guilt at wasting money on purchases that didn't fit into my lifestyle in the past, it was a valuable lesson learned, and one that I remember to not commit. I make time for friends and family, and know that they are a great treasure. However, I am aware that my peace and self fulfillment is most important as if I don't have those, I am not as pleasant, encouraging and kind as I could be. So, yes, I do want to move up in life. I have career goals that I want to achieve. I would like to live a comfortable life. However, I also have big dreams to help others if I am blessed enough to achieve wealth. My reasons for attaining career success are 1) to be self fulfilled and reach my highest potential, 2) to be self sufficient so I am not a burden or expense on my family and to build a life with my husband, and 3) to give back to my close family, close friends and society. They are all equally important goals to me. In being self fulfilled, I like to have nice things and enjoy beauty. It is not a need per se, but something that makes me happy to reward myself for my hard work.
So, extreme minimalists may not agree and look down. I know some who are not working or are just happy being where they are in life, just living on a small budget and hanging out with friends and family in most of their time. That may make them happy, and that is fine. I personally think contentment is commendable. However, as much as I love people and my loved ones, having goals and challenging myself to achieve is also integral to my happiness. So, to each his own.
Mar 20, 2012
Words to Inspire You
"Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left." - Hubert Humphrey
"Self-actualization refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, ...to the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming." - A.H. Maslow
"Self-actualization refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, ...to the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming." - A.H. Maslow
Mar 12, 2012
The Greatest Skill - A Positive Attitude
I can attest to my performance in any area of life being contingent on my attitude. I am human, and I have had let criticisms and negative comments from some "friends" affect me, although I have been for most of my life, encouraging to friends. However, when it comes down to fulfillment in our life, we are ultimately responsible. So, in cases such as these, we should internally deflect these comments or defend ourselves and wait to see if the friends change this behavior. If they don't, distance yourself, and don't let them sully your attitude with their negativity. Sometimes, we also are our own spirit-dampener, whether it is because we are used to the habit of pessimism ourselves or if we are going through depression due to a rough time in our lives. However, a positive attitude is the greatest skill that we can have to make progress internally and externally in life. Comforting friends and expressing ourselves is not a bad thing. We all need that. Even criticism is not bad if the person does so with a solution to help us, and says it in a gentle way. However, people who are consistently miserable do not help themselves or the world at large. We will all have our moments, but as a whole, starting today, try to eradicate a consistently negative outlook from your own mind, and do not spread the poison of negativity. Every day is filled with gifts of life if we would only move the veils away and see clearly.
Here are some quotes that inspire me on the topic:
Here are some quotes that inspire me on the topic:
- Since the house is on fire, let us warm ourselves. -Italian Proverb
- Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world. ~Eckhart Tolle
- In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus, Lyrical and Critical Essays
- If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one. -Cavett Robert
- Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left. -Hubert Humphrey
- Learn to smile at every situation. See it as an opportunity to prove your strength and ability. -Joe Brown
- A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. -Robert Frost
- Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
- The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so; but we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitoes and silly people. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
- If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. ~Vince Lombardi
- My riches consist not in the extent of my possessions, but in the fewness of my wants. ~J. Brotherton
- I don't like that man. I must get to know him better. ~Abraham Lincoln
- I don't think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains. ~Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl
- The best things in life are unexpected - because there were no expectations. ~Eli Khamarov, Surviving on Planet Reebok
- Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye. ~Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Frankenstein, 1818
- Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
- Whenever you fall, pick something up. ~Oswald Avery
- Success is due less to ability than to zeal. ~Charles Buxton
- You're not going to make me have a bad day. If there's oxygen on earth and I'm breathing, it's going to be a good day. ~Cotton Fitzsimmons
- Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. ~Betty Smith
- The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald
- I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet. ~Mahatma Gandhi
- There's a saying among prospectors: "Go out looking for one thing, and that's all you'll ever find." ~Robert Flaherty
- The soul does not absorb negativity by accident, always by choice. ~Dodinsky, www.dodinsky.com
- Being a sex symbol has to do with an attitude, not looks. Most men think it's looks, most women know otherwise. ~Kathleen Turner
- We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails. ~Author Unknown
- The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong. ~Thomas Carlyle
- We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. ~Joseph Campbell
Ways of Letting Go of Possessions
When trying to streamline your life, many start with possessions. It is not the goal in itself, but a means to commence the goal and get on the path of meaningfulness. This is true for me as I am especially affected by my surroundings. It is a weird catch 22 as I enjoy beautiful things, but I also crave simplicity. How then do we reconcile this? The solution is easy: keep only the things that are useful and beautiful. However, that solution is not so easy when we think of it in terms of the mental steps to get there. For instance, what if you are a person like me, who likes to see beauty in almost everything. I sometimes look at winter tree branches, all grey and bare, but I see such beauty in their form and texture. I have always been this way, so it is innate in me. I have come to realize that this is a great quality to have in appreciating art and nature, and even life experiences. However, it sometime gets in the way of my simplifying and de-cluttering. Combine that with my highly analytical mind, and I am sometimes my own obstacle. For instance, I don't keep things that are in terrible condition, but I will sometimes cut a piece of a garment and turn it into another garment. So, sometimes, if an article is damaged, I still see possibility for it, and it has resulted in my having a lot of scrap material for sewing, even though I declutter my stash annually. I sometimes think when an item is not top rate anymore that thrift stores won't sell it, and it will just end up in the landfill, when I could just reconstruct it into a new garment.
The problem is that sewing is very time consuming, and I don't have a lot of time these days. The time that I take to make a new garment out of old ones can take hours, and I could've worked during those hours and made more money. So, I can't use the reason that I am keeping it so I won't waste money. I have also learned that it is futile to lament over money already spent and time lost time earning money that money. Then, there is the mental anguish in seeing so many items, and more time is also wasted taking care of the possessions, such as organizing them, cleaning them, and moving them when you move to a new apartment or home. The time it takes to Ebay them is not always beneficial. For instance, I sold a pair of boots recently that I purchased for $45, but sold only for $9.99 (not including shipping, although Ebay's fees consider shipping also). After Ebay fees, I only earned $8. However, it took me 20 minutes to take pictures, load on my computer and post a description. Then, I am sure that I spent about 35- 40 minutes total responding to buyer questions and checking periodically how it is doing. Then, packaging to ship, printing and taping postage, and taking it to the post office took about another 20 minutes. So, in all I would say, I spent about a minimum of 1 hour and 15 minutes to half to earn $8. If I was working, due to the fact that I have several years experience in the field, I would have made double that amount. I think that hour and a half would have been more well spent job hunting or studying for my graduate school exam. So, donating would seem to bring the highest return for my time.
I read this wonderful post that mentioned that one way to let go is to think about another person enjoying the object that you enjoy. This really struck a chord with me as the reason that I don't want to let go of some items is because they are in new or like new condition, and I still think they are lovely items. I just don't use them because they do not fit my lifestyle.
Along the lines of time vs money that I was just writing about, the joy that someone else can get out of an item is a comparative advantage to the time I spend trying to sell it and the money earned from that.
Thinking about letting go gives me immense respect for monks and yogis who abandon possessions so easily and quickly to live a monastic life. I have let go of many things in the past, and lived very simply before, but I still hesitate at times to let go at time due to living in the past and the future. I think the biggest secret to letting go is to practice living in the present. As the winter season is ending, think about what you did not use, and donate them. In the coming spring season, think about what you will actually use, and donate the rest. Someone else will be able to enjoy it, and once you let go, you will will feel even more free as you have less. In the initial letting go, I feel a little clinging and fear, but with every item that I let go, I feel the chains of the control of possessions loosen on me. Time and freedom are life's most valuable gifts.
Feb 27, 2012
Let Possessions Go, Embrace the Present & Welcome your Present Self
I have had the guilt over letting go of possessions because I have more than I honestly need and use. Being that I am not working at the moment, I have had some pangs of hesitation to letting go lately, that is not very common for me. It is due to the guilt of money wasted and loosing money when I am not bringing in any income at the moment.
I have listed many items on Ebay, but have either not had sales because people want it dirt cheap. Ebay also high seller insertion fees and final value fees, so the few I have sold have only resulted in about $8 per item for items that were new and valued at least $50 each. I have also had the headache of some buyers not paying and having to initiate a dispute or wanting to return items because they change their mind. I do not get reimbursed for the insertion fees or shipping fees if the buyer returns the item. So, unless there is an item that you can make at least $30 selling, it is not worth it. Consequently, only name high end brand items sell for at least $30. My H&M clothes have not resulted in sales. The time to prepare the item and wait in the post office to ship it does not seem to be worth the $5 net that I make on lower end brand items. Consignment shops only usually give $5 to $10 even for high end items.
I have never hesitated to donate in the past, but there are only two charities that pick up, and I don't have a car to take items to legitimate charities. The two charities that pick up are not well known charities, and I have seen people selling used clothing in Chinatown and other areas, so I am not sure if these charities are legitimate, as research on the internet have not given much detail than a simple website that anyone can make. Since I purchased my items with my hard earned money, I want them to be used to legitimately help others.
However, I have come to a new conclusion today that we can't control certain things, especially the actions of others. When we give money to a homeless person, we cannot be sure that he will use the money for food rather than for alcohol or drugs. We hope that he will use it for food, but we really don't know, do we? My choice with this issue has been to give homeless people only food, and not money. However, with our clothing donations, we can't be sure that the charities are selling the items and using it to help the less fortunate, rather than for their own pockets.
I have accumulated a pile of items as I have lost weight since going back to being a vegetarian a year ago. Many of my items don't fit and cannot be altered and some items cause skin allergies (such as wool and cashmere). While I have donated much in the past, I have held onto good quality items, such as name brand items, items made of wool or cashmere and new shoes or shoes worn just a few times, but are now very tight on me. (My feet have gotten wider as I walk a lot these days, so I have to wear a 6 wide width to 6.5. I can no longer wear my size 5 1/2 or regular size 6 shoes). I have held onto these items, even though I purchased new items to fit me appropriately now because I hoped to sell them on eBay, but deep inside I knew it was not worth the effort, especially when even some of my name brand items didn't sell. I have held on to these items because of guilt and inability to let go of the past, and fear of the future and what I cannot control.
I feel guilt because I am not working and the items discarded are a symbol of the time I worked to earn money to buy the item. I also feel guilt for enjoying shopping for these items, thinking it will bring joy to me, when that joy lasted for only a short time. I feel fear of the future because my mother's constant about not throwing things away because you may need them someday and not have money has made me fearful of not having enough in the future. I have kept many items that didn't sell with the thought that I can refashion clothing into new clothing, but I don't need anymore, so it makes no sense other than adding to the clutter.
Yet today, I am doing a big overhaul and letting go of these chains of guilt and fear. I purchased some of the items in times of pain and uneasiness due to tragedy and feeling down. Keeping items that remind me of that and make me feel guilty for going against my nature and knowledge that objects don't bring peace only make me feel worse in this moment. The reason for the purchase, the time and money spent are now all the past. I cannot get the time or money back, and that is fine. The awareness and lessons from mistakes are jewels of the present that I can apply in the present and not make the same mistakes again. The fear of the future is unfounded. I am not an invalid nor an unintelligent or lazy person. Although I am studying for grad school now, and not working, I will work in the future. Although I don't have extensive long term experiences at jobs, I have managed to get jobs in the past, and at each job, I was valued for my hard work, intelligence, resourcefulness and desire to do well and be efficient.
The fear of not being able to make money or not having enough is not because I crave material things for comfort, but because I am allowing the fears and words of others in society to affect my own view of myself and my capabilities. Not working, worrying about the future, and reflecting about the mistakes of the past diminishes the self esteem and is dis-empowering.
Letting go of things that hold you back, be they ideas, frames of thinking or possessions is a way of empowering yourself because you are challenging the things that cause fear, anxiety or guilt in you. While we cannot control the future or the actions of others, including charities, we can control ourselves and how we view life and ourselves. We can view ourselves as strong and adaptive, or flawed, fearful or always making mistakes.
Holding on to possessions with the hope of one day selling on ebay, while they pile up and cause us to waste time re-arranging, cleaning and feeling guilty about only makes us feel a loss of energy. While we may have indeed wasted money by buying these items, and not using them and now donating them, we do not have to wallow in mistakes and bad choices forever. We can take this as an opportunity for strength to overcome the past, live solely in the present and take actions for a more fruitful future.
So, today if you are trying to reduce your possessions, take a deep breath and let go of the attachment to the past, to attitudes you have held on to, to guilt and to the possessions. Don't look at the possessions and create stories in your mind or lament over the feelings associated with them. Don't let yourself feel the overwhelming feelings of guilt and fear, but feel the emotions of the the beginning of a freer, less attached you, that lives only in the present. Take that donation box, and just ruthlessly put in the items that you have not used in the last few months or that do not give value to who you are now and who you want to be. Let go, welcome change and embrace today.
I have listed many items on Ebay, but have either not had sales because people want it dirt cheap. Ebay also high seller insertion fees and final value fees, so the few I have sold have only resulted in about $8 per item for items that were new and valued at least $50 each. I have also had the headache of some buyers not paying and having to initiate a dispute or wanting to return items because they change their mind. I do not get reimbursed for the insertion fees or shipping fees if the buyer returns the item. So, unless there is an item that you can make at least $30 selling, it is not worth it. Consequently, only name high end brand items sell for at least $30. My H&M clothes have not resulted in sales. The time to prepare the item and wait in the post office to ship it does not seem to be worth the $5 net that I make on lower end brand items. Consignment shops only usually give $5 to $10 even for high end items.
I have never hesitated to donate in the past, but there are only two charities that pick up, and I don't have a car to take items to legitimate charities. The two charities that pick up are not well known charities, and I have seen people selling used clothing in Chinatown and other areas, so I am not sure if these charities are legitimate, as research on the internet have not given much detail than a simple website that anyone can make. Since I purchased my items with my hard earned money, I want them to be used to legitimately help others.
However, I have come to a new conclusion today that we can't control certain things, especially the actions of others. When we give money to a homeless person, we cannot be sure that he will use the money for food rather than for alcohol or drugs. We hope that he will use it for food, but we really don't know, do we? My choice with this issue has been to give homeless people only food, and not money. However, with our clothing donations, we can't be sure that the charities are selling the items and using it to help the less fortunate, rather than for their own pockets.
I have accumulated a pile of items as I have lost weight since going back to being a vegetarian a year ago. Many of my items don't fit and cannot be altered and some items cause skin allergies (such as wool and cashmere). While I have donated much in the past, I have held onto good quality items, such as name brand items, items made of wool or cashmere and new shoes or shoes worn just a few times, but are now very tight on me. (My feet have gotten wider as I walk a lot these days, so I have to wear a 6 wide width to 6.5. I can no longer wear my size 5 1/2 or regular size 6 shoes). I have held onto these items, even though I purchased new items to fit me appropriately now because I hoped to sell them on eBay, but deep inside I knew it was not worth the effort, especially when even some of my name brand items didn't sell. I have held on to these items because of guilt and inability to let go of the past, and fear of the future and what I cannot control.
I feel guilt because I am not working and the items discarded are a symbol of the time I worked to earn money to buy the item. I also feel guilt for enjoying shopping for these items, thinking it will bring joy to me, when that joy lasted for only a short time. I feel fear of the future because my mother's constant about not throwing things away because you may need them someday and not have money has made me fearful of not having enough in the future. I have kept many items that didn't sell with the thought that I can refashion clothing into new clothing, but I don't need anymore, so it makes no sense other than adding to the clutter.
Yet today, I am doing a big overhaul and letting go of these chains of guilt and fear. I purchased some of the items in times of pain and uneasiness due to tragedy and feeling down. Keeping items that remind me of that and make me feel guilty for going against my nature and knowledge that objects don't bring peace only make me feel worse in this moment. The reason for the purchase, the time and money spent are now all the past. I cannot get the time or money back, and that is fine. The awareness and lessons from mistakes are jewels of the present that I can apply in the present and not make the same mistakes again. The fear of the future is unfounded. I am not an invalid nor an unintelligent or lazy person. Although I am studying for grad school now, and not working, I will work in the future. Although I don't have extensive long term experiences at jobs, I have managed to get jobs in the past, and at each job, I was valued for my hard work, intelligence, resourcefulness and desire to do well and be efficient.
The fear of not being able to make money or not having enough is not because I crave material things for comfort, but because I am allowing the fears and words of others in society to affect my own view of myself and my capabilities. Not working, worrying about the future, and reflecting about the mistakes of the past diminishes the self esteem and is dis-empowering.
Letting go of things that hold you back, be they ideas, frames of thinking or possessions is a way of empowering yourself because you are challenging the things that cause fear, anxiety or guilt in you. While we cannot control the future or the actions of others, including charities, we can control ourselves and how we view life and ourselves. We can view ourselves as strong and adaptive, or flawed, fearful or always making mistakes.
Holding on to possessions with the hope of one day selling on ebay, while they pile up and cause us to waste time re-arranging, cleaning and feeling guilty about only makes us feel a loss of energy. While we may have indeed wasted money by buying these items, and not using them and now donating them, we do not have to wallow in mistakes and bad choices forever. We can take this as an opportunity for strength to overcome the past, live solely in the present and take actions for a more fruitful future.
So, today if you are trying to reduce your possessions, take a deep breath and let go of the attachment to the past, to attitudes you have held on to, to guilt and to the possessions. Don't look at the possessions and create stories in your mind or lament over the feelings associated with them. Don't let yourself feel the overwhelming feelings of guilt and fear, but feel the emotions of the the beginning of a freer, less attached you, that lives only in the present. Take that donation box, and just ruthlessly put in the items that you have not used in the last few months or that do not give value to who you are now and who you want to be. Let go, welcome change and embrace today.
Feb 26, 2012
Determine what Fullfills You & Get Rid of the Rest
I have thought about on and off for the past few years about how material things affect our lives. I even went on a minimalist lifestyle at one point, and discarded/donated many of my books and clothing, and acquired a large blog following on the subject. However, my life goals and lifestyle do not permit me to be minimalist.
My experience is as a paralegal, and intend to stay in the legal field because I enjoy it very much. In this field, what comes with the territory is that your appearance does affect your credibility. If I only have 5 suits that I wear all the time, my bosses and clients will surely notice. Not to mention, there is a definite psychological effect of being put together and dressing appropriately and businesslike. I am not into trends or accumulating items for the sake of having them, but I like to look elegant and professional. While I do like the quality and styles of some brands, I don't purchase items with ostentatious logos to appear wealthy, as that simply looks tacky. So, I have had to come to a balance where I try to keep my wardrobe and my home somewhat minimalist in style, but I can no longer consider myself minimalist because I have too many items to take that label.
Nonetheless, I also realize that having too many items in your home, wardrobe, bookshelf, etc. is not beneficial if some of these items do not serve your life goals (personal and career). Having items that do not serve your goals just take time and energy to take care of, and actually can be distracting.
For that reason, I am re-evaluating my items in the next few weeks. I will attempt to sell some on Ebay, but my experience has not been good as I only get $7 for boots that I purchased for $50, and I wonder if it is worth the time and effort of taking pictures, following and hoping for a sale, answering potential buyer questions (many of whom don't end up purchasing), preparing for shipment and then going to the post office to ship. I would appreciate your thoughts.
In regards to simplifying to keep items that are essential to your life goals and enjoyments, I have thought about the fact that the most common goal of most people is happiness or well being. We try to find it through different avenues, but I have found that the more avenues I seek at once, the more complicated and elusive happiness becomes. I look back at my happiest times in life, save for my childhood, and realize that my happiest times was when I lived my life simply. It seems ironic because consumerism tells us that we need more and more things daily. Yet, during that time, my attention was focused on a few things that brought me great joy and peace. Namely, they were, waking up early in the morning to do yoga exercises and light meditation, writing a little daily, reading a little daily (on-line or books) and cooking wholesome, healthy food (vegetarian and seafood based). Of course, I also spend a little time with friends and loved ones, but we must first look for happiness within. Those are my particular affinities. Yours might be different. Yet, self discovery is the key.
Reflecting to Simpler Times in The Past
Look back and note times when you were truly happy. Try to not to associate these times with people at first, even though there are many who are happiest giving to others or spending time with others. It is important to look within first.
Make a Goal List: Find Your Essential Joys & Dreams
Continuing the exercise above, think of your day to day activities and list them. Next, think of what activities are truly beneficial to your life goals and also activities that you enjoy. They can be both career goals as well as hobbies. Then think of the people in your life that are most important to you, and that you truly enjoy being around. Then finish your list by listing how those people incorporate into your life.
Here's an example of my life goal & activities list:
Find the Things that Drive You in Life
Keep items that support your life goals. Making a list of all the items you own as sometimes we are not aware of what or how much we own. For everyone, the items on the list will be different. While making the list or afterwards, categorize the different functions and goals that each item supports. This will help you to more logically evaluate how much of a certain item you need. For instance, you may find that you own 30 pairs of shoes, but only 10 are businesslike or that you can wear in multiple situations. These numbers are arbitrary, and only you know what is best for your situation.
I will expand on this topic in later blog posts, and as I achieve success in this area as well.
My experience is as a paralegal, and intend to stay in the legal field because I enjoy it very much. In this field, what comes with the territory is that your appearance does affect your credibility. If I only have 5 suits that I wear all the time, my bosses and clients will surely notice. Not to mention, there is a definite psychological effect of being put together and dressing appropriately and businesslike. I am not into trends or accumulating items for the sake of having them, but I like to look elegant and professional. While I do like the quality and styles of some brands, I don't purchase items with ostentatious logos to appear wealthy, as that simply looks tacky. So, I have had to come to a balance where I try to keep my wardrobe and my home somewhat minimalist in style, but I can no longer consider myself minimalist because I have too many items to take that label.
Nonetheless, I also realize that having too many items in your home, wardrobe, bookshelf, etc. is not beneficial if some of these items do not serve your life goals (personal and career). Having items that do not serve your goals just take time and energy to take care of, and actually can be distracting.
For that reason, I am re-evaluating my items in the next few weeks. I will attempt to sell some on Ebay, but my experience has not been good as I only get $7 for boots that I purchased for $50, and I wonder if it is worth the time and effort of taking pictures, following and hoping for a sale, answering potential buyer questions (many of whom don't end up purchasing), preparing for shipment and then going to the post office to ship. I would appreciate your thoughts.
In regards to simplifying to keep items that are essential to your life goals and enjoyments, I have thought about the fact that the most common goal of most people is happiness or well being. We try to find it through different avenues, but I have found that the more avenues I seek at once, the more complicated and elusive happiness becomes. I look back at my happiest times in life, save for my childhood, and realize that my happiest times was when I lived my life simply. It seems ironic because consumerism tells us that we need more and more things daily. Yet, during that time, my attention was focused on a few things that brought me great joy and peace. Namely, they were, waking up early in the morning to do yoga exercises and light meditation, writing a little daily, reading a little daily (on-line or books) and cooking wholesome, healthy food (vegetarian and seafood based). Of course, I also spend a little time with friends and loved ones, but we must first look for happiness within. Those are my particular affinities. Yours might be different. Yet, self discovery is the key.
Reflecting to Simpler Times in The Past
Look back and note times when you were truly happy. Try to not to associate these times with people at first, even though there are many who are happiest giving to others or spending time with others. It is important to look within first.
Make a Goal List: Find Your Essential Joys & Dreams
Continuing the exercise above, think of your day to day activities and list them. Next, think of what activities are truly beneficial to your life goals and also activities that you enjoy. They can be both career goals as well as hobbies. Then think of the people in your life that are most important to you, and that you truly enjoy being around. Then finish your list by listing how those people incorporate into your life.
Here's an example of my life goal & activities list:
- Reading, studying and learning about Law
- Reading books on writing, success, personal growth, literature, art
- Writing essays, blog posts and poetry
- Spending Time with my husband & 4 close friends
- Housekeeping (My house is in no way immaculate, but when things get very cluttered or dusty, it stresses me out & distracts me very much.)
- Cooking (I try to be healthy and cooking food at home that I choose for nutritional reasons has been beneficial for the health of myself and my family)
- Exercise (yoga & jogging)
- Keeping in touch with my close family relatives
- Volunteering/Interning with Civic Organizations
- Sewing (I will still continue to do minor tailoring to my own clothing & it is beneficial because tailored clothes look more professional. However, I sometimes spend a whole day making a new item out of old styles that I no longer like. I do not intend on becoming a designer, so making my own clothing is just time consuming at this point. Sometimes it is better to buy an item than make it because of the opportunity cost - a day's pay is more than the amount saved on an item made in a day.)
- Watching documentaries (A documentary here and there or with friends is fine, but I watch too many in the recent past, which has taken me away from my work.)
- Going to museums and galleries (This does not support my life goals and it is time consuming as it takes a few hours to get in the museum, so a trip ends up taking a whole day. This will become a activity only shared as a way of spending time with my husband or friends.)
Find the Things that Drive You in Life
Keep items that support your life goals. Making a list of all the items you own as sometimes we are not aware of what or how much we own. For everyone, the items on the list will be different. While making the list or afterwards, categorize the different functions and goals that each item supports. This will help you to more logically evaluate how much of a certain item you need. For instance, you may find that you own 30 pairs of shoes, but only 10 are businesslike or that you can wear in multiple situations. These numbers are arbitrary, and only you know what is best for your situation.
I will expand on this topic in later blog posts, and as I achieve success in this area as well.
Top Productivity Blogs
I don't read or follow all of these. Those that I have visited more than once are listed on my Favorite Blogs link. Many of these are super helpful and encouraging, especially when I am having a low day, and don't feel much like writing myself.
http://zenhabits.net/the-top-50-productivity-blogs-most-of-which-you-havent-heard-about/
http://zenhabits.net/the-top-50-productivity-blogs-most-of-which-you-havent-heard-about/
Top Productivity Blogs
I don't read or follow all of these. Those that I have visited more than once are listed on my Favorite Blogs link. Many of these are super helpful and encouraging, especially when I am having a low day, and don't feel much like writing myself.
http://zenhabits.net/the-top-50-productivity-blogs-most-of-which-you-havent-heard-about/
http://zenhabits.net/the-top-50-productivity-blogs-most-of-which-you-havent-heard-about/
Jan 22, 2012
Minimize & Donate Clothing & Help the Poor in your nation & globally
Most charities that you donate to resell the clothes for profit to aid in their cause, their organization or people in need. However, make sure that you are donating to a reputable charity. I always make it a habit of checking charity Navigator or the Better Business Beaureau, but smaller charities may not be listed there. In that case, I do a google search of the charity and take a look at their website and activities. I also check their WHO IS information, to see who registered the website, although that is not always a clear indicator because a volunteer may have purchased the domain for the site. Reputable charities usually have a .ORG domain. I like to check the charity because even though it is clothing I may not be in need of, I have seen people selling used clothing on stands, such as in Canal Street in NY for personal profit. A charity sells back clothing, but at least some of the money from the sales go to fund research for illness or to help the homeless, etc.
I wish there was a way that the clothing would go directly to the poor, such as how the New York Coat Drive gives coats directly to the homeless. I am sure that many really needy and poor people cannot afford the clothing. However, most reputable charities do use the money to help others, such as Goodwill or Housing Works, which uses it's proceeds to help the homeless and people with HIV.
In many third world nations, things are so dire that I have seen many documentaries of India and Africa where the children are not wearing clothes not due to cultural customs, but because the family can barely get 2 meals a day, much less buy clothes.
Whatever clothes cannot be sold in some charity shops, like Salvation Army, Oxfam or Kinderkriegshilfe, are sold by the shops to wholesalers, who pay a small amount for them. Then these clothing are exported to third world countries, where they become rags or are sold in the second hand clothing market. So, people in third world countries still have to pay for the clothing, but it is less than buying a new item.
So, donating your used clothing does not help poor people 100% as they have to purchase it, but it help organizations with their mission as well as provide cheaper options to those less fortunate. Additionally, you clear out your house and also help the environment.
If you would like to help the less fortunate directly, perhaps holding a garage sale, ebay sale or yard sale is a good way to make money and then donate money directly to charity organizations to help the poor in your country or other countries. There are lots of people in need everywhere, and most of us really don't need all that we have.
A few great charities for those in the U.S. in addition to those mentioned above are:
Planet Aid
Vietnam Veterans of America
Goodwill
Housingworks
Salvation Army
Oxfam
Kinderkriegshilfe
Please feel free to add any more charities that you know of, and I will add more to this post as I come across them as well.
Most of all, forgive yourself for having over consumed in the past, but make a decision to not do so in the future. You can then use your funds directly to further your life as well as help others, rather than purchasing things and storing them up unused in your home.
I wish there was a way that the clothing would go directly to the poor, such as how the New York Coat Drive gives coats directly to the homeless. I am sure that many really needy and poor people cannot afford the clothing. However, most reputable charities do use the money to help others, such as Goodwill or Housing Works, which uses it's proceeds to help the homeless and people with HIV.
In many third world nations, things are so dire that I have seen many documentaries of India and Africa where the children are not wearing clothes not due to cultural customs, but because the family can barely get 2 meals a day, much less buy clothes.
Whatever clothes cannot be sold in some charity shops, like Salvation Army, Oxfam or Kinderkriegshilfe, are sold by the shops to wholesalers, who pay a small amount for them. Then these clothing are exported to third world countries, where they become rags or are sold in the second hand clothing market. So, people in third world countries still have to pay for the clothing, but it is less than buying a new item.
So, donating your used clothing does not help poor people 100% as they have to purchase it, but it help organizations with their mission as well as provide cheaper options to those less fortunate. Additionally, you clear out your house and also help the environment.
If you would like to help the less fortunate directly, perhaps holding a garage sale, ebay sale or yard sale is a good way to make money and then donate money directly to charity organizations to help the poor in your country or other countries. There are lots of people in need everywhere, and most of us really don't need all that we have.
A few great charities for those in the U.S. in addition to those mentioned above are:
Planet Aid
Vietnam Veterans of America
Goodwill
Housingworks
Salvation Army
Oxfam
Kinderkriegshilfe
Please feel free to add any more charities that you know of, and I will add more to this post as I come across them as well.
Most of all, forgive yourself for having over consumed in the past, but make a decision to not do so in the future. You can then use your funds directly to further your life as well as help others, rather than purchasing things and storing them up unused in your home.
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