Another Great INTJ Description

INTJ

Visionaries - ‘Time is of the essence.’

INTJs are self-assured analytical types with a great need to innovate to achieve their goals. They are usually very original, creative thinkers who need to feel and appear competent.

INTJs’ particular intellectual style comes from the interaction of their preferences for intuition and thinking. They are usually very gifted at seeing the big picture. They often talk about “mapping” things out in their head and seeing how things fit together. This makes them naturally drawn to systems-thinking or any type of thinking which requires facility with connection, abstraction and complexity. They are able to use these skills in the kind of careers which often attract them – architecture, law, and management. Many scientists and engineers have a preference for INTJ.

INTJs often appear to others first and foremost as thinking types. This is because thinking in all its forms – from critiquing to prioritising – is what INTJs most readily do when engaged with others. But at heart, they are primarily ideas people. It is when they spend time reflecting that INTJs find connections, operate on hunches, theorise and cultivate their vision. Unlike their outer life which is usually fairly structured and controlled, an INTJ’s inner life can sometimes seem a pretty chaotic maelstrom of possibilities and ideas. 

Of all the types, INTJs are most motivated by “vision”. They  have a great need to come up with a unifying idea of a future, improved state which is then their job to realise. This inner vision can be so strong for INTJs and so individual that they are often reckoned to be the most independent-minded of all the types. In other words, they will sometimes cling stubbornly to what they “know” to be true and they will refuse to listen to others.

INTJs have a great need to be purposeful. They need to feel they are continually achieving, moving towards their vision or improving their mastery or competence in some way. Time is truly “of the essence” for INTJs.

This often means that INTJs come across to others as potentially impatient and time-pressured. Of all the introvert types, INTJs reguarly communicate in ways which can make them appear like extraverts rather than introverts. For example, they tend to speak quickly and forcefully, putting a great deal of energy into their communications. 

Their true introverted nature, however, can be seen in their need for privacy. To feel sane, INTJs must spend quality time alone. This may mean time for solitary pursuits or it may mean time for reading and writing. Like all NT types, they dislike social chit chat. If they are going to expend energy conversing they usually want it to be more puposeful than that. This means that INTJs can be difficult to really get to know. 

Competence is an important issue for INTJs. They have a need to feel they are able to do everything very well and to appear competent to others. Many will say they will just not tackle jobs if they think they will not be very good at them. On the other hand, they can get bored easily and need to feel challenged. 

As TJs they find it easy to keep their focus on being organised but like all NJ types their lack of attention to practical detail can mean their organisation falls apart slightly at the seams. They could misread their diary, for example, or pick up the wrong documents.

However, of all the N types, INTJs can sometimes be very good on detail if it is related in some way to the attainment of their bigger goal or if they feel their competence may be at stake in some way. Proof-reading documents, is a case in point. In these instances, they will go all out to ensure there are no mistakes. 

The research on type preferences in the UK suggest that only 1.4% of the population have a preference for INTJ and that it is the least common type. It is not surprising then that most INTJs say that they are aware of being “different” from most of the people they meet. 

Relationships, other than family and a few close personal friends, don’t usually matter greatly to INTJs yet they are often conscious of wanting to serve people in some way. Indeed many an INTJ’s vision is ultimately designed to make life better in some way for people. 

But relationships with others can present a difficulty for INTJs. They know they cannot achieve their vision alone and they can drive others towards the same exacting standards of competence and commitment that they use for themselves. This can cause resentment, particularly if the INTJ has not learned to openly appreciate others and thank them for their efforts. Female INTJs often learn this lesson more readily than male INTJs. 

Ultimately it is important for INTJs to keep their intuition within useful bounds. They must come to see that their inner vision is not always right. It can be overly abstract and impractical and not take adequate account of human feelings, frailties and values. They can become more effective if they learn to use their own thinking skills to critique their vision more and by soliciting and paying attention to other people’s views.

INTJ overview

Words to describe INTJs

reflective           global            independent

determined        innovative     original

quick                 focused         objective

theoretical         logical           structured

analytical           critical          private 

Careers attractive to INTJs

Management positions of all kinds, particularly senior management. Architecture, law, engineering, science, social science, research, management consultancy, computing. 

Needs at work

• The opportunity to have a “vision”.
• To feel challenged and display their mastery..
• Privacy and time for reflection.
• May need encouragement to consider others’ views more.

Anticipated work/team strengths

• Having a strong vision for what the organisation could be like.
• Coming up with new ways of looking at problems.
• Finding logical flaws in other people’s thinking. 
• Seeing the big picture and the movement of trends. 
• Having the courage of their convictions and not being side tracked easily.   

Potential problem areas

• May come up with a vision or ideas which are not practical enough.
• May stubbornly refuse to listen to others’ views.
• May not take adequate account of people’s feelings and needs and subsequently alienate others.  
• May be so critical and confident of their opinions and goals that other types feel intimidated or driven. 
• May be unaware of the impact their style is having on others. 

Likely areas for improvement

• Considering and then factoring in the “human” element” in their decision-making. 
• Deliberately consulting other types and considering their opinions before making decisions.
• Learning to thank and appreciate others for their efforts. 
• Asking others for feedback.

Common relationship Issues for INTJs

INTJs show caring by spending time with people discussing things of interest to them or doing something which stimulates both parties’ interests in some way.

INTJs like others to admire their intellectual abilities and their insights. They also like people to respect their need for privacy and time to reflect. 

INTJ Type Dynamics

Dominant – intuition  – introverted

Auxiliary -  thinking  -  extraverted

Tertiary   -   feeling

Inferior   -    sensing 

This profile information is copyright and for review only. If you would like to buy a version of this for workshop/coaching use please see details about Enspired Profiles. 

© Carol Craig

Source:http://www.centreforconfidence.co.uk/type-resources.php?pid=376

INTJ Communication & Relationships

As an INTJ, I have come to realize that my weakest point is relationships. I have a great group of close friends, and I am not shy and make acquaintances easily. I don't get nervous around new people or at interviews or networking events. However, my problem is expressing myself clearly. I express myself very well on paper, and most people think I am natural and articulate enough in person. Yet personally, I have a hard time saying precisely what I want to say, and I like to be precise. So, often times, after an encounter, even just a phone call on the phone, I think back that I could have said something in a better manner.

Another problem that I have is that I try to communicate with people through logic and reason, and I am sometimes short with people if they are not making sense logically, or especially if I feel that they are trying to persuade me to do something or assume their position on something that does not appeal to me. I am hard on myself also as I said before I will ruminate that I could've said something more logically and clearly. I don't have trouble finding the words to tell friends and family how I feel about them, but except for with my husband, I always feel a little awkward and exposed after. I think this is because I am a little uncomfortable expressing my feelings, but I still express them because I have learned over the years that you have to show people that you appreciate them. I have made the mistake of not putting enough effort in friendships and relationships before, and inadvertently loosing the connections due to emotional and mental distance from not maintaining friendships through regular gathering and consistent communication. Sometimes this letting friendships fall to the wayside was not because I did not care as I have missed some of those friends, but because I was not aware of how much work it takes to maintain friendships. However, with some other friendships, it was because I lost interest in the friendship, as I began to see little in common or because I did not see growth in it or in the other person.

It seems that this sort of miscommunication due to not wanting to be controlled mentally, and trying to see life and people through reason is common with INTJs. Here are some more details.

                                          

                                              INTJ Relationships

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INTJs believe in constant growth in relationships, and strive for independence for themselves and their mates. They are constantly embarking on "fix-up" projects to improve the overall quality of their lives and relationships. They take their commitments seriously, but are open to redefining their vows, if they see something which may prove to be an improvement over the existing understanding. INTJs are not likely to be "touchy-feely" and overly affirming with their mates or children, and may at times be somewhat insensitive to their emotional needs. However, INTJs are in general extremely capable and intelligent individuals who strive to always be their best, and be moving in a positive direction. If they apply these basic goals to their personal relationships, they likely to enjoy happy and healthy interaction with their families and friends.

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INTJ Strengths

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• Not threatened by conflict or criticism
• Usually self-confident
• Take their relationships and commitments seriously
• Generally extremely intelligent and capable
• Able to leave a relationship which should be ended, although they may dwell on it in their minds for awhile afterwards
• Interested in "optimizing" their relationships
• Good listeners

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INTJ Weaknesses

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• Not naturally in tune with others feelings; may be insensitive at times
• May tend to respond to conflict with logic and reason, rather than the desired emotional support
• Not naturally good at expressing feelings and affections
• Tendency to believe that they're always right
• Tendency to be unwilling or unable to accept blame
• Their constant quest to improve everything may be taxing on relationships
• Tend to hold back part of themselves

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INTJs as Lovers

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"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May
 
INTJs live much of their lives inside their own heads. They constantly scan their environment for new ideas and theories which they can turn into plans and structures. Sometimes, what they see and understand intuitively within themselves is more pure and "perfect" than the reality of a close personal relationship. INTJs may have a problem reconciling their reality with their fantasy.

INTJs are not naturally in tune with their own feelings, or with what other people are feeling. They also have a tendency to believe that they are always right. While their self-confidence and esteem is attractive, their lack of sensitivity to others can be a problem if it causes them to inadvertantly hurt their partner's feelings. If this is a problem for an INTJ, they should remember to sometimes let their mate be the one who is right, and to try to be aware of the emotional effect that your words have upon them. In conflict situations, INTJs need to remember to be supportive to their mate's emotional needs, rather than treating the conflict as if it is an interesting idea to analyze.

Sexually, the INTJ enjoys thinking about intimacy, and about ways to perfect it. In positive relationships, their creativity and intensity shine through in this arena. In more negative relationships, they might enjoy thinking about sex more than actually doing it. They're likely to approach intimacy from a theoretical, creative perspective, rather than as an opportunity to express love and affection. Although, the INTJ who has learned the importance of these kinds of expressions to the health of their relationship is likely to be more verbally affectionate. 
INTJs are able to leave relationships when they're over, and get on with their lives. They believe that this is the right thing to do. They may have more difficulty accomplishing the task than they like to exhibit to other people.

INTJs are highly intense, intelligent people who bring a lot of depth and insight into most major areas of their life. In terms of relationships, their greatest potential pitfall is the tendency to think about things rather than doing them, and their difficulty reconciling reality with their inner visions. INTJs are likely to be in positive, healthy relationships, because they're likely to leave relationships which aren't working for them (unless other circumstances prohibit that).

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, the INTJ's natural partner is the ENFP, or the ENTP. INTJ's dominant function of Introverted Intuition is best matched with a partner whose personality is dominated by Extraverted Intuition. How did we arrive at this?

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INTJs as Parents

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"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran
  As parents, INTJ's main goal is to raise their children to be intelligent, autonomous and independent. They want their kids to think for themselves and make their own decisions, and so are likely to give them room to grow, and to challenge their decisions and thoughts at key points in their lives.

The INTJ is not naturally likely to be an overly supportive or loving parental figure. Since their own need for expressions of love and affirmation is relatively low, they may have difficulty seeing that need in their children who have Feeling preferences. If they do see this sensitivity, they may not recognize or value the importance of feeding it. In such situations, there will be a distance between the INTJ and the child. This is a problem area for the INTJ, who should consciously remember to be aware of others' emotional needs.

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INTJs as Friends

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INTJs are usually difficult to get to know well, and difficult to get close to. Those who are close to the INTJ will highly value them for their ideas and knowledge. Although INTJs are generally very serious-minded people, they also have been known to enjoy letting loose and having fun, if others pull them into it. They also can be really good at telling jokes, and exhibiting a sarcastic wit with a poker face.

The INTJ is not likely to choose to spend time with people who they feel don't have anything to offer the INTJ. They especially like to spend time with other Intuitive Thinkers, and also usually enjoy the company of Intuitive Feelers. These personality types love to theorize and speculate about ideas, and so can usually relate well to the INTJ, who loves to analyze ideas.

Many INTJs believe that they are always right. In some INTJs, this belief is quite obvious, while in others it is more subtle. Some people may have a difficult time accepting what they see as a "superior attitude" or "snobbery". Not to imply that INTJs are snobbish, just that some people with strong Feeling preferences may perceive them that way. And some individuals simply have no interest in the theoretical pursuits which the INTJ enjoys.

Source: http://www.personalitypage.com/html/INTJ_rel.html

Introverted HSP vs. Extrovert HSP

Some highly sensitive people are also extroverts or High Sensation Seeking. This article goes into it very well: Highly Sensitive People who are also High Sensation Seeking

At first, I thought that perhaps I am a high sensation seeker because I can be very social and I make acquaintances quickly. I also don't fear public speaking more than most people, have no problem taking leadership roles and also enjoy positive praise for my hard work. I also enjoy new experiences, such as traveling and meeting and getting to know people of different cultures and experiences. I also enjoy walks alone, sitting in a cafe and quietly observing people or reading a good book by myself.

I feel the intense need to retreat to re-cooperate after socializing.  I need a few minutes alone every day and cannot be around people all day or else I feel drained. These are qualities of HSPs as well as introverts. However, if I stay home too much, I become jaded, down and loose energy. So, it seems that I acquire energy both from being alone and from being in the world. Curious to see if I am indeed a high sensation seeker, I took the HSS test, and scored 11, with 11 or more qualifying one as a high sensation. So I guess I am borderline. On a strictly Sensation Seeking Test, I scored 22 out of 40. Again, quite borderline.

Taking the Jung Test, I always place as an INTJ, with my introversion always being between  22-44%, which is slightly to moderately introverted. I am very reflective, analytical and enjoy working alone, but I also enjoy breaks to speak with a few people or just to go out and be in the world.

Curious to see what strictly introversion-extroversion tests would say, I got took the following.

This strictly Introversion Extroversion test gives me the result of being a being a balanced introvert extrovert:

Your extroversion level is 52%

This means that you are well-balanced, not too concentrated on you inner life, but at the same time you don't depend on the outside world too much. You like either spending time with other people, or staying on your own analyzing your inner world and talking to yourself. Write us if you enjoyed this test.

This one, place me as a balanced Introvert Extrovert as well with my extroversion being 45%.

Extrovertedness: 45%

 The Introvert-Extrovert Test
says that I'm Balanced

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What does it mean?

You are fairly balanced in your introvert-extrovert personality. You like going out, but like to have time to yourself as well. You typically have a few great friends, and many that you can hang around with.

Extroverts:
-have motives and actions that are directed outward.
-are more prone to action than contemplation.
-are typically very friendly to unknown people.
-feel empowered in social situations.

Introverts:
-have motives and actions that are directed inward.
-tend to be preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings.
-minimize their contact with other people.

My Conclusion:

I am definitely a HSP and an introvert because much more than the need to interact and experience new things is my need to reflect and have time alone. However, the Jung tests are very accurate in placing me as a "moderate introvert", rather than a distinct or very distinct introvert. My social skills are developed enough, and I am not shy, but it seems that many INTJs are also very confidence. Perhaps we are more at ease with being introverts and show it through our quiet confidence. I am not always comfortable with social situations where I have little in common with others, but I don't fear or shrink from them, but rather see them as a challenge that I like to take on every now and then. Sometimes we can learn a lot though uncomfortable situations. Furthermore, INTJs are not only analytical and reflective, but they also enjoy taking action. Sometimes to take action and make changes, we have to engage in the world, take leadership and social roles, and I am glad I enjoy it enough to do so. Please tell me your thoughts.

I read this article on being an Introverted Extrovert, and it totally describes me as I believe that I am an introvert who is adept with certain extroverted tendencies.

Do any other INTJs think and relate similarly?

Careers & Skills for the Introverted Extrovert

Introverted extroverts are evolved extroverts. They've developed some of the characteristics of introverts, particularly socially. They're not true extroverts, because their style is quite different. Sharing a mix of the characteristics of two potentially very complex types makes IEs pretty complicated.

A rare few, those who were actually introverts but became semi-extroverts through their work, remain introverts, but have developed a range of social abilities. Introverts don't change drastically, but this form of the IE is what happens when they do. Their confidence has also developed enough for some selective extroversion.

IEs tend to be older, usually developing in early middle age or late adolescence. Experience has often dealt them some difficult cards, and frequently they've become a lot more advanced than people of their own age.

The extroverted part of the IE is the truly experienced campaigner. There will have been many situations, many lessons learned, and the IE tends to be a good student. The studious side, particularly the practical learning, interestingly, is the promoter of the introversions which transform the extrovert into an IE.

IEs are intelligent, and they recognize good working methods of doing things. Introverts have a lot of learning skills and habits which make them brilliant students, and the IE has no difficulty adopting them. They may also have introvert friends whose sheer ability has taught them how to use these skills. Their evolution is perfectly natural, and the result is a really effective hybrid.
The single accurate description of IEs is Low Key. IEs are the exact opposite of Extroverted Introverts in the sense that there are little or no theatrics. The IE doesn't bother to put on an act, because they assume others can see through acts as easily as they can. Their former extroversion remains functional as social judges, and in fact it's a major asset.

IEs have a huge advantage over other types. They're genuinely sensitive, like real introverts, but they have the social instincts of extroverts as well. As professionals in a career environment, this is usually a very good combination of abilities. They can see the raw nerves, and they know how to deal with them so no damage is done.

IEs are normally people who were good students, and became good professionals. As they mature, they improve their skills in doing business in their career environment. The days as a younger extrovert have given them some real toughness, but they've also evolved a lot of ability to empathize.
They don't tread on toes or try to belittle people. They can still be real extroverts when they feel like it, or when provoked, but that's not often. Usually they've completely outgrown it. If they suddenly become full powered extroverts, it generally means they're either annoyed, or enthusing like kids about something.
The ability to empathize is perhaps unique. IEs could make a career out of it. They're excellent negotiators and mediators. They know what's reasonable and what's not. They don't usually even need to ask what's acceptable to another party in a business deal.

This is partly professional skill, because they're always competent. However, it's also real understanding. Most IEs have had enough real life experience to be able to see the problems on a personal level as well as the purely professional. They know why something's a problem for a particular individual.

In the career environment, IEs are often hired as fixers as much as for their ability to make a good fit as for their work. Their mix of abilities means they're not too easily ruffled by any group of people, even the sometimes impossible EIs and the pure introverts, some of whom need a code book to be understood.
They're an indispensable asset to extroverts. The IE will be able to talk to the extrovert in the same language, with a perfectly genuine understanding of how the extrovert works. The IE also makes a very good sounding board for both the extrovert's and the introvert's endless streams of ideas. Both these types need people who can argue at their level, who have opinions and ideas of their own.
If that sounds like IEs have to be pretty good themselves to deal with very demanding people, that's exactly what it means. IEs are often leaders, CEOs, or managers, and they're extremely good in those positions because of their character. They can handle some of the most fiercely independent members of the other types, for that reason. They know why the introvert is frustrated, why the extrovert's chewing holes in the ceiling, and why the Extroverted Introvert is threatening suicide.

IEs know how to work with other people, and that fact is universally appreciated by everyone they work with. The IE is the one the warring tribes will bring in to make sense of the situation, when they've completely lost track of it. The IE will also be brought along to any business meeting, because of their ability to read the situation. It may not even be a conscious decision, but everyone will feel better if the highly experienced and knowledgeable IE is watching the store.
Another lesson IEs could teach the human race as a whole is that they never conflict with each other to the point where any damage is done. It simply would not cross the mind of an IE to even raise their voice, when disagreeing with another IE. Their disputes are more like games of chess, where the better thinking will win.

IEs will acknowledge good ideas, too, which is another invaluable career skill, sometimes totally lacking in some people. They will, invariably, promote talent. They never feel threatened by the skills of others. They're mentally much better adjusted to career issues than many others.

IEs can be highly competitive, but it's only in relation to things they care about. They're not competitive on principle, like extroverts, or despite themselves, like introverts. They'll do a good competitive interview for the job they've always wanted, because it really will be the job they've always wanted. IEs keep an eye on their career track, and being at heart realists, they will try to better their position. They are goal oriented, but most people don't notice that.
In career environments, their approach is good, because they don't get discouraged. It's part of their evolved state that they've acquired some of the sheer determination of introverts. To an introvert, nothing is impossible, just irritating. To the IE, nothing is impossible, it's just a matter of time.
Like extroverts, IEs create their environment to a large degree, but they do it cooperatively. Even as managers, in full control of environments, they remain low key, and don't become oppressive about their control.

Actually one difficulty in analyzing IEs is that they can be so low key they look like the janitor, not the boss. They're often underestimated because of their way of doing things.

Underestimating IEs is a real mistake. They can be seen as being too nice, too accommodating, too helpful. These perfectly natural traits are usually mistaken for weaknesses, which is entirely wrong. It doesn't bother the IE much if people don't know how to read them, but it gets on the nerves of the IE's friends. IEs have a lot of real friends, which they accumulate largely because of their habitual empathy and frequent fixing of other's problems. So those mistaking the IE for a doormat will soon find themselves on the receiving end from the IE's pure extrovert and pure introvert friends. Every once in a while the IE has to save their detractors from their friends.
 
The IE isn't a good person to try to pick on, when on their own, either. In some instances the IE, if required to fight, can become a very well organized mixture of the pure introvert and the pure extrovert. It's a hideously effective mix. At career level, the IE is a very strong professional. They can always stand on their own two feet. They're usually well connected, always respected, and have the career kudos to prove their abilities. Fortunately for their opponents, IEs aren't as nasty as the other types, unless someone's been fool enough to really push their buttons. It's no contest, either way. The IE will win.

IEs are never conspicuous or flashy and never play pecking order games. If they do, it's more likely to be as a joke against themselves among friends, not to be taken seriously. They don't need to show off, they know better, and they don't like it when others do, because they see it as a risk. They will make a point of not letting their friends of the other three types set themselves up for a fall like that either, on principle. IE's social skills are very reliable, and their advice is taken because their friends trust their judgment. They're good at keeping their friends safe.

Trust is another part of the large inventory of healthy career skills the IE works with on a regular basis. IEs can be trusted with sensitive information, and can be relied upon to keep their mouths firmly but tactfully shut. The IE, unlike many others, doesn't need to be told when to clam up on a subject, or why it needs doing. They will remain silent on basic principles. They're naturally suited to sensitive situations, where their trustworthiness is a relief to others.

IEs are not suited to the roles of extroverts. They can do the work, and are often as good as the pure extroverts, but they're rarely happy in the social hurricane environment in which the extroverts thrive. They simply don't like it. Trying to remake them into extroverts is like trying to make them into 5 year olds again. They've moved on, and it represents a step backwards.

For the introverted IE form, that environment is poison. They hate it, they're allergic to it, they loathe it, and despite their extroversion skills, and even if they can do the work, they'll already be on the way out the door.

They're also impossible to keep in any environment they dislike. To be strictly fair, they will work in uncomfortable situations when they know the work needs to be done, or to help out. However, if they find themselves in a position where they're expected to be extroverts, and are assessed in comparison with extroverts, they will consider themselves to be misinterpreted.

That means in IE language that an error of judgment has been made, and IEs don't have much faith in people who can't read other people. Because empathy and good character judgment are such basic parts of an IE's nature, misinterpretation equates to incompetence. It's a real faux pas just to make such a basic error of judgment, let alone expect the IE to live with it.

The IE can get another job in about 5 seconds. Unlike introverts, they're instantly recognizable for their skills. Managers should also note that losing the real social mechanics of their organization is not a good idea. IEs contribute a lot to their career environment, on all levels. Their mere presence will generate a bit of positive receptivity, even from office politicians, let alone the other three types. The IE's competence gives them authority in any social group, even when they're not managers, or even particularly well known.

Lack of recognition will annoy an IE. They know much better than almost anyone else, through their early years as extroverts, what a stop-start career means. They've done it before, and won't gladly tolerate any repeat performances. They'll vanish, overnight, and the gap they leave will horrify others in the workplace.

Unlike some, IEs don't need applause, but they do need to know that they're properly understood and that their work in particular is properly understood. This is particularly important among professional IEs whose judgment will tell them they're wasting their time in that job if their efforts are routinely disregarded.

IEs are highly motivated people, although you'd never guess it to speak to them, unless you're on a favorite topic. They do have ambitions, they're just not as neurotic about them as others. The motivation is usually shown by what jobs they go for, and the sort of studies and qualifications they do almost as permanent parts of their lives.

IEs share with introverts the ability to specialize, sometimes to extreme levels. Their extroverted components make them good explorers, and if you were to pick a group of people to land on another planet, the group of most qualified and enthusiastic explorers, apart from the extroverts, would be comprised of at least half IEs.

The IE is a truly brilliant team member. This is the best use of any IE, the one where they're naturally at their most effective. It's the career environment they prefer. They have their friends with them, and although they have a lot of introverted characteristics, they're not natural loners. Team environments, as long as they're real teams, are perfect for IEs to work on all levels. If the IE is in a position to use their talents without restriction, the extroverted component is also happy.

There's one further thing which needs mentioning. The IE, unlike anyone else, is never unreasonable. That's also an utterly non-negotiable part of their makeup. In a career situation, anything unreasonable is simply not acceptable. They will never be able to trust that situation, or the people involved. They'll know what will happen long before it happens. Their ability to empathize will be disgusted. They don't appreciate being able to virtually taste irrationality, greed, or plain stupidity. They won't tolerate it.

It's a good example of how truly competent IEs are. If you see an IE heading for the exit as a career move, you'd probably be best advised to follow.

Source: http://www.cvtips.com/career-choice/best-careers-and-skills-for-introverted-extroverts.html

Best job environments for Introverted-Extroverts

Introverted Extroverts (IEs) lack the extreme skills in social situations of pure extroverts, and share some characteristics with introverts. They're a mixture of both, but they have their own individual characteristics which make them quite unique.

Many IEs have evolved from pure introversion to a working level of extroversion. Some are extroverts who've developed truly deep inner dimensions. They have a sufficient level of extroversion to be good communicators, and are much more comfortable in social and career environments than introverts. Their social instincts are sometimes highly developed, like extroverts, and they are frequently good mixers.
However, their basic origins are very like introverts, even with the ones who were formerly pure extroverts. They retain a lot of the personal characteristics of introverts, and are often empathic to pure introverts. IEs are relatively low key, compared to even mild extroverts, although the former extroverts can turn it off an on at will.

They're good listeners, as well as talkers. They can see multiple perspectives in any social situation, which makes them excellent mediators, because they really can see both sides of any dispute.

This ability is their unique skill, and they can use it effectively in any career situation. They're real thinkers, like introverts, and their role is often to think their way through social situations. They're very good trainers, because they can literally see what's happening with their trainees' thinking, and know what's worrying them.

They aren't born managers. But if they have enough experience, they're very good managers by any standards. They communicate at all levels of their workforce, and are never bullies, or unreasonable. It's against their instincts to be unfair. They get a lot of genuine respect for that characteristic from their subordinates and their managers. Their judgment of people is very good, and they find and fix social problems without needing to be asked.

IEs far prefer healthy social environments, and actively avoid anything that doesn't meet that criteria. They don't like, and usually won't tolerate, irrational behavior, even in their managers. They're honest to the bone, and are never going to be part of anything underhanded or illegal. They also dislike office gossip, and executive power games.

That makes them lousy at office politics, but they're usually so good at their jobs that they're never even considered as dispensable. The IE will be the one that does the difficult jobs well, puts in enormous amounts of time where necessary, and does really good work on a routine basis.

They're not actually unambitious, although they may seem uninterested in promotions and careerism as a whole. To the IE, like the introvert, the career is a personal thing, and they have their own ideas about what they consider to be success.

This mix of characteristics makes IEs very good original thinkers. In creative fields, they excel, because of the variety of perspectives they understand so well, and they love to innovate. To them, innovation is exploration, and sometimes problem solving as well. They share with introverts the love of mental challenges, and will tackle any difficult concept fearlessly, like introverts.

They're very fast learners. Only the pure introverts can keep up with them in terms of recognizing the importance and uses of learning skills. They learn well, and they're almost always as demanding as introverts in perfecting their new skills. They want to know everything about their own mistakes, and will go looking for reasons for any shortcomings in their own work, and fix them.
As mediators, IEs are unique, and utterly unlike the other three types, in that they do a lot of their best social work almost unconsciously. For the others, it's a conscious effort, but for the IE it's so normal that they may not even notice that they've successfully solved a personal dispute or problem.

Unfortunately for IEs, management may not notice it, either. Where their natural skills are properly understood, IEs can be high flyers, and much appreciated. Their skills in some fields, like mediation, product development, and consultancies are usually so advanced that they're impossible to overlook. But in other fields, like accountancy, or in bureaucracies, they can be almost ignored, however good their work may be.

Their talents have to be in areas where recognition is easy, to guarantee career success. Their thinking is their real skill, and in humdrum careers full of routines and standardized procedural situations, that thinking is seriously restricted, and lacks outlets.

Anywhere an idea has a perceived value, the IE has a good career.
Conversely, anywhere thinking is not required is a desert to the IE, like the introvert. They're as likely to suffer from restrictions on use of their talents as an extrovert, and can be as deeply offended and repelled by some career environments as an Extroverted Introvert.

IEs mix very well with the other types, because of their empathy, and can be relied upon to assist them. They're very effective as mentors and make excellent friends, because they can genuinely understand the personal difficulties of others. IEs are often interpreters between the other types, and can explain the logic of an introvert to an extrovert so that the extrovert actually understands what's involved in the introvert's thought processes.

IEs can also make an EI feel secure in a room full of extroverts. They understand the extrovert mentality, and can explain it in a few words so the EI doesn't misinterpret the situation. They can help an introvert deal with a presentation, simply by being there, and with a few reassuring words. They can help an extrovert avoid going insane while attempting to communicate with an office full of introverts. They do this simply by asking a few questions which will make the extrovert use the sort of concepts which the introverts will want to hear, rather than doing a sales pitch, which will bounce off the introverts.
They are born consultants. Their advice is always good, and they check their own thinking are rigorously as any introvert. When they give advice, it's honest advice. Their honesty applies to themselves, too, and no double standards or excuses are made. They would be devastated if they ever gave bad advice, as much out of empathy as out of sheer horror at their mistake. Fortunately for IEs, they don't often make mistakes.

Despite their social skills, IEs sometimes frighten other people with their sheer inscrutability, which is very like introverts, unless they make the extra effort to communicate their friendliness. It takes a bit of time to spot the IE, who can be mistaken for an introvert or an extrovert, at first glance.

IEs are very good information handlers, but they do it differently from introverts and extroverts. The multiple perspective function takes over control of information, and will make associations with those perspectives, in any situation. Possible clashes and conflicts will be seen in advance. Most importantly, IEs share with introverts the ability to find weak points in information, and have the added ability to make all possible connections to their work.

It's not uncommon for an introvert, who can always find the most obscure information imaginable, to recognize significant issues with that information, and pass it on to the IE. The introvert knows the IE will know what to do with it, and how best to use it. An extrovert, who has a very high level of exposure to information from a huge variety of sources, will make a point of passing on any odd-looking or implausible information to the IE, for the same reason.

IEs are true team players. They really can generate trust in such diametrically opposite types of people. In any group of people if you ask who's the person they would trust with sensitive or difficult information, it'll be an IE. This is not a coincidence. IEs are trusted because they are trustworthy, and so are their skills. Their empathy and their individualism makes them strong characters, even if they appear understated compared to others.

IEs, by definition, are not doormats. They won't demand respect, but they'll get it, and there won't be any doubt why they get it. They're invariably capable, competent, people, and they have no difficulty proving it. They will stand up for themselves on principle, and the big risk in getting into a dispute with an IE is that they'll prove themselves right. They make very good arguments, and they're tough to debate against.

The best way to antagonize an IE is to be blas� about their ideas, or superficial about something important. That will convince the IE that they're dealing with a lesser intelligence, or one that doesn't know its own job. IEs do not like incompetent people, any more than introverts. They're usually nicer about it, most of the time, but they're as ruthless as introverts at removing anyone they see as a liability. They make very good managers, fair, open-minded and understanding, but the IE's bottom line cannot be crossed.

They're much the same, as subordinates. The bottom line applies to those above them as much as those below. An IE is more likely to fire an employer than an employer is likely to fire an IE. As employees, or members of an organization, the bottom line is credibility. They won't stick around trying to un-destroy any workplace, business, or group which has passed their level of tolerance. If you see an IE walking out of your workplace, that workplace is in trouble of some sort, for sure. Their judgment is extremely good, particularly in older IEs, and they will get off a sinking ship well before it hits an iceberg.

IEs don't know the meaning of laziness. Their internal introversion is a very powerful driving force, usually unseen by most people. The extroverted part may seem perfectly normal, but the energy level is always high.

This is where the Extroverted part of the IE flourishes. They aren't as frenzied as the extroverts in full flight, or a silently ultra industrious as introverts, both of whom can handle gigantic workloads, but they're on a par with both. If you want something done, and done in a certain way, the IE is the one who'll do that. Introverts and extroverts can be absolutely brilliant, and so can IEs. But the IE will understand instantly what you want, and why you want it done that way. The others may need it explained to them, or not see the perspectives.

Another definite skill of the IE, devolving on that ability to understand the priorities of others, is project management. Given a set task, the IE can turn it into a work of art. Their extroversion is particularly good at dealing with stakeholders, negotiating the impossible, and their empathy with other types connects well with anyone involved. Better yet, from the IE's point of view, there are plenty of issues to solve, planning issues, budget problems, all of which is lots of fun, for any IE, who thrives on any mental work. The IE may well make a few remarks about getting paid for having fun in these situations, and mean it.

If you want to build a pyramid, the introvert may produce a spaceship shaped like a pyramid, and the extrovert might have it built two weeks before you mentioned you'd like to build it. The IE, however, will give you a beautiful pyramid, with the sphinxes you asked for, all under warranty, and quite possibly under budget, if anyone suggested there was likely to be a budget blowout, and made that a problem for the IE to solve.

All that's required is that they're left in peace to do their work, like introverts, and aren't ever confined to the point their talents are suffering, like extroverts. If they have an idea to present, they should be heard, and their idea evaluated. Even if that idea isn't feasible, you can bet good money on the fact that the next idea will be, because the IE will learn from any situation.

IEs are real assets, in any situation, in any career. Managers who see an IE in their midst are strongly advised to grab them, before your competition does.

Source: http://www.cvtips.com/career-choice/which-are-the-best-job-environments-for-introverted---extroverts.html

Best Careers for the Introverted Extrovert

Source: http://www.cvtips.com/career-choice/best-careers-and-skills-for-introverted-extroverts.html

Introverted extroverts are evolved extroverts. They've developed some of the characteristics of introverts, particularly socially. They're not true extroverts, because their style is quite different. Sharing a mix of the characteristics of two potentially very complex types makes IEs pretty complicated.

A rare few, those who were actually introverts but became semi-extroverts through their work, remain introverts, but have developed a range of social abilities. Introverts don't change drastically, but this form of the IE is what happens when they do. Their confidence has also developed enough for some selective extroversion.

IEs tend to be older, usually developing in early middle age or late adolescence. Experience has often dealt them some difficult cards, and frequently they've become a lot more advanced than people of their own age.

The extroverted part of the IE is the truly experienced campaigner. There will have been many situations, many lessons learned, and the IE tends to be a good student. The studious side, particularly the practical learning, interestingly, is the promoter of the introversions which transform the extrovert into an IE.

IEs are intelligent, and they recognize good working methods of doing things. Introverts have a lot of learning skills and habits which make them brilliant students, and the IE has no difficulty adopting them. They may also have introvert friends whose sheer ability has taught them how to use these skills. Their evolution is perfectly natural, and the result is a really effective hybrid.

The single accurate description of IEs is Low Key. IEs are the exact opposite of Extroverted Introverts in the sense that there are little or no theatrics. The IE doesn't bother to put on an act, because they assume others can see through acts as easily as they can. Their former extroversion remains functional as social judges, and in fact it's a major asset.

IEs have a huge advantage over other types. They're genuinely sensitive, like real introverts, but they have the social instincts of extroverts as well. As professionals in a career environment, this is usually a very good combination of abilities. They can see the raw nerves, and they know how to deal with them so no damage is done.
IEs are normally people who were good students, and became good professionals. As they mature, they improve their skills in doing business in their career environment. The days as a younger extrovert have given them some real toughness, but they've also evolved a lot of ability to empathize.

They don't tread on toes or try to belittle people. They can still be real extroverts when they feel like it, or when provoked, but that's not often. Usually they've completely outgrown it. If they suddenly become full powered extroverts, it generally means they're either annoyed, or enthusing like kids about something.

The ability to empathize is perhaps unique. IEs could make a career out of it. They're excellent negotiators and mediators. They know what's reasonable and what's not. They don't usually even need to ask what's acceptable to another party in a business deal.
This is partly professional skill, because they're always competent. However, it's also real understanding. Most IEs have had enough real life experience to be able to see the problems on a personal level as well as the purely professional. They know why something's a problem for a particular individual.

In the career environment, IEs are often hired as fixers as much as for their ability to make a good fit as for their work. Their mix of abilities means they're not too easily ruffled by any group of people, even the sometimes impossible EIs and the pure introverts, some of whom need a code book to be understood.

They're an indispensable asset to extroverts. The IE will be able to talk to the extrovert in the same language, with a perfectly genuine understanding of how the extrovert works. The IE also makes a very good sounding board for both the extrovert's and the introvert's endless streams of ideas. Both these types need people who can argue at their level, who have opinions and ideas of their own.

If that sounds like IEs have to be pretty good themselves to deal with very demanding people, that's exactly what it means. IEs are often leaders, CEOs, or managers, and they're extremely good in those positions because of their character. They can handle some of the most fiercely independent members of the other types, for that reason. They know why the introvert is frustrated, why the extrovert's chewing holes in the ceiling, and why the Extroverted Introvert is threatening suicide.

IEs know how to work with other people, and that fact is universally appreciated by everyone they work with. The IE is the one the warring tribes will bring in to make sense of the situation, when they've completely lost track of it. The IE will also be brought along to any business meeting, because of their ability to read the situation. It may not even be a conscious decision, but everyone will feel better if the highly experienced and knowledgeable IE is watching the store.

Another lesson IEs could teach the human race as a whole is that they never conflict with each other to the point where any damage is done. It simply would not cross the mind of an IE to even raise their voice, when disagreeing with another IE. Their disputes are more like games of chess, where the better thinking will win.

IEs will acknowledge good ideas, too, which is another invaluable career skill, sometimes totally lacking in some people. They will, invariably, promote talent. They never feel threatened by the skills of others. They're mentally much better adjusted to career issues than many others.

IEs can be highly competitive, but it's only in relation to things they care about. They're not competitive on principle, like extroverts, or despite themselves, like introverts. They'll do a good competitive interview for the job they've always wanted, because it really will be the job they've always wanted. IEs keep an eye on their career track, and being at heart realists, they will try to better their position. They are goal oriented, but most people don't notice that.

In career environments, their approach is good, because they don't get discouraged. It's part of their evolved state that they've acquired some of the sheer determination of introverts. To an introvert, nothing is impossible, just irritating. To the IE, nothing is impossible, it's just a matter of time.

Like extroverts, IEs create their environment to a large degree, but they do it cooperatively. Even as managers, in full control of environments, they remain low key, and don't become oppressive about their control.

Actually one difficulty in analyzing IEs is that they can be so low key they look like the janitor, not the boss. They're often underestimated because of their way of doing things.
Underestimating IEs is a real mistake. They can be seen as being too nice, too accommodating, too helpful. These perfectly natural traits are usually mistaken for weaknesses, which is entirely wrong. It doesn't bother the IE much if people don't know how to read them, but it gets on the nerves of the IE's friends. IEs have a lot of real friends, which they accumulate largely because of their habitual empathy and frequent fixing of other's problems. So those mistaking the IE for a doormat will soon find themselves on the receiving end from the IE's pure extrovert and pure introvert friends. Every once in a while the IE has to save their detractors from their friends.

The IE isn't a good person to try to pick on, when on their own, either. In some instances the IE, if required to fight, can become a very well organized mixture of the pure introvert and the pure extrovert. It's a hideously effective mix. At career level, the IE is a very strong professional. They can always stand on their own two feet. They're usually well connected, always respected, and have the career kudos to prove their abilities. 

Fortunately for their opponents, IEs aren't as nasty as the other types, unless someone's been fool enough to really push their buttons. It's no contest, either way. The IE will win.
IEs are never conspicuous or flashy and never play pecking order games. If they do, it's more likely to be as a joke against themselves among friends, not to be taken seriously. They don't need to show off, they know better, and they don't like it when others do, because they see it as a risk. They will make a point of not letting their friends of the other three types set themselves up for a fall like that either, on principle. IE's social skills are very reliable, and their advice is taken because their friends trust their judgment. They're good at keeping their friends safe.

Trust is another part of the large inventory of healthy career skills the IE works with on a regular basis. IEs can be trusted with sensitive information, and can be relied upon to keep their mouths firmly but tactfully shut. The IE, unlike many others, doesn't need to be told when to clam up on a subject, or why it needs doing. They will remain silent on basic principles. They're naturally suited to sensitive situations, where their trustworthiness is a relief to others.

IEs are not suited to the roles of extroverts. They can do the work, and are often as good as the pure extroverts, but they're rarely happy in the social hurricane environment in which the extroverts thrive. They simply don't like it. Trying to remake them into extroverts is like trying to make them into 5 year olds again. They've moved on, and it represents a step backwards.

For the introverted IE form, that environment is poison. They hate it, they're allergic to it, they loathe it, and despite their extroversion skills, and even if they can do the work, they'll already be on the way out the door.

They're also impossible to keep in any environment they dislike. To be strictly fair, they will work in uncomfortable situations when they know the work needs to be done, or to help out. However, if they find themselves in a position where they're expected to be extroverts, and are assessed in comparison with extroverts, they will consider themselves to be misinterpreted.
That means in IE language that an error of judgment has been made, and IEs don't have much faith in people who can't read other people. Because empathy and good character judgment are such basic parts of an IE's nature, misinterpretation equates to incompetence. It's a real faux pas just to make such a basic error of judgment, let alone expect the IE to live with it.

The IE can get another job in about 5 seconds. Unlike introverts, they're instantly recognizable for their skills. Managers should also note that losing the real social mechanics of their organization is not a good idea. IEs contribute a lot to their career environment, on all levels. Their mere presence will generate a bit of positive receptivity, even from office politicians, let alone the other three types. The IE's competence gives them authority in any social group, even when they're not managers, or even particularly well known.

Lack of recognition will annoy an IE. They know much better than almost anyone else, through their early years as extroverts, what a stop-start career means. They've done it before, and won't gladly tolerate any repeat performances. They'll vanish, overnight, and the gap they leave will horrify others in the workplace.

Unlike some, IEs don't need applause, but they do need to know that they're properly understood and that their work in particular is properly understood. This is particularly important among professional IEs whose judgment will tell them they're wasting their time in that job if their efforts are routinely disregarded.

IEs are highly motivated people, although you'd never guess it to speak to them, unless you're on a favorite topic. They do have ambitions, they're just not as neurotic about them as others. The motivation is usually shown by what jobs they go for, and the sort of studies and qualifications they do almost as permanent parts of their lives.

IEs share with introverts the ability to specialize, sometimes to extreme levels. Their extroverted components make them good explorers, and if you were to pick a group of people to land on another planet, the group of most qualified and enthusiastic explorers, apart from the extroverts, would be comprised of at least half IEs.

The IE is a truly brilliant team member. This is the best use of any IE, the one where they're naturally at their most effective. It's the career environment they prefer. They have their friends with them, and although they have a lot of introverted characteristics, they're not natural loners. Team environments, as long as they're real teams, are perfect for IEs to work on all levels. If the IE is in a position to use their talents without restriction, the extroverted component is also happy.

There's one further thing which needs mentioning. The IE, unlike anyone else, is never unreasonable. That's also an utterly non-negotiable part of their makeup. In a career situation, anything unreasonable is simply not acceptable. They will never be able to trust that situation, or the people involved. They'll know what will happen long before it happens. Their ability to empathize will be disgusted. They don't appreciate being able to virtually taste irrationality, greed, or plain stupidity. They won't tolerate it.
It's a good example of how truly competent IEs are. If you see an IE heading for the exit as a career move, you'd probably be best advised to follow.

Introverted vs Highly Sensitive Person

It's interesting in our outward based society how different temperaments can be misconstrued.

My Jung Typology test indicates that I am moderately introverted (44%). However, I have no trouble making friends, being social, striking up conversations with strangers, and although I am quiet at times when I am observing a situation, I cannot recall an instance, even as a child when it was due to shyness or timidity. I have met people who say they are introverted, and who are socially awkward, but although I may feel anxiety at times, I quite natural with my social graces and behavior. I also enjoy being out and about and experiencing new things. However, I also enjoy being alone or just one on one with a friend, and social activity every day, except for with my few closest friends who are like me, leaves me feeling drained, and desperately craving alone time to recharge my batteries after social activity. I also like spending lunch breaks alone at work, but have made exceptions for a few coworkers over the years. I used to tell people that I am introverted because of this need to be alone at time and recharge and because I dislike large crowds. However, people took my saying that I am introverted to mean that I did not feel comfortable or natural socializing. Consequently, introversion has to do with where one gets one energy from. It is not shyness or social awkwardness, and most people think. Shyness and social awkwardness occurs in people who desire to be more social or lack social skills. Some introverts are also shy, but so are some extroverts. I obtain my energy recharge internally and from being alone as well as from new experiences and sensations in the world. After too much outward activities though, I feel overwhelmed. This led me to be unsure of whether I am introverted or extroverted for a long time. I never felt that introverted descriptions aptly fit me or extroverted ones.

Then I discovered one of the books that changed my life: Elaine Aaron's The Highly Sensitive Person for it really changed my understanding of myself. I realized that while I do lean more toward introversion, I am not an extreme introvert, but I am definitely highly sensitive from being affected by loud noises, having a very sensitive body to allergies, my need to be alone due to overwhelm of stimuli, and being able to sense and feel a room or a person's moods very strongly. However, when I tell people that I am highly sensitive, they assume that I am emotionally sensitive and just emotional in general. This couldn't be furthest from the truth because I am a true INTJ because I am very logical and analytical. I even analyze my emotions. High sensitivity related to sensory and biological sensitivity more than emotions. So, I have then stopped telling people I am a HSP, because I find it extremely aggravating when people assume I am emotionally sensitive and delicate (not that there is anything wrong with that. I have a close friend who is very sensitive and I love that about her. However, it is very much not me). I know for sure that I am an HSP as described by Dr. Aaron.

Only 30% of HSPs are extroverted and many assume that the need to withdraw due to over-stimulation is due to introversion, but that is not always the case. Sometimes, you know instinctively when something describes you.

This article explains my point of view quite aptly and explores the relationship and differences between HSP and introversion, check out this great article: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/attending-the-undervalued-self/201107/understanding-the-highly-sensitivity-person-sensitive-int

What I have learned from people's feedback is that it is not necessary to tell people what you are, especially if you are doing so in an effort to make them understand you because there are preconceived notions prevalent in society about some labels. If they are interested, you can perhaps describe your character trait and then explain high sensitivity, and then send them an article or get them a book on it. However, I find it quite cumbersome, and it appears so self-centered to go to such great lengths to explain and talk about yourself for as long as it will take to clear up the mis-assocations. Even some of my wonderful friends have made a mis-association when I told them I was more introverted and a HSP. These concepts are great to learn about so that you can understand yourself and learn how to maneuver in your own life and in the world in a manner that utilizes your greatest strengths and enables you to build build coping skills in regards to your weaknesses.

INTJs Communication & Feelings

INTJs Do Have FeelingsMany, especially those who do not know them well, may think that INTJs are unfeeling, but as an INTJ, and knowing several others, this is not so. As a matter of fact, all the INTJs that I know, myself included, feel very deeply, may be even more so than others. What they do have a problem with, however, is showing it.

INTJs don't cry at the usual things that most people cry about.

For instance, I don't cry at chick flicks or many of the usual things that most cry about, but I am deeply moved to the point that I not only cry and feel my whole body in chills when I see a documentary or movie where someone's parent dying in a movie due to personal experience or when I see children suffering. I also cry and get angry at the same time in family conflicts. My family think I am emotional, but they mean it in intensity, rather than in frequency, because the only few times they see me emotional are very intense like that. lol

INTJ Communication Methods

Most of the time, although INTJs are experiencing and feeling things, they are also thinking and analyzing their feelings at the same time. This results in them not being able to or feeling uncomfortable showing feelings at the onset or while something is happening. They want to thoroughly understand their feelings - such the situation, what they are feeling, why they are feeling it, if the feeling has validity, etc. Later on, after they have thought about and analysed it, they may cry or feel moved. If a similar situation occurs, they may show feelings because they have already understood it in a previous instance.

Personally, I have worked at trying to show my feelings especially to people I care about over the years, but it took some very extreme losses to do so. I have have gotten better at expressing my care to people, but I am most comfortable doing so in actions. When I am too verbal about my feelings, it feels inauthentic to myself, and it makes me feel a little awkward and uncomfortable. I know from experience, though, that repressing or keeping feelings in can lead to depression, anxiety or even, misunderstandings. What has been a better method to me since I was 10 is writing my feelings on paper either in greeting cards, poetry or journals/blog posts, like this.I would make homemade cards on my mom's birthday and other holidays to tell her I love her because I didn't feel comfortable saying it. To this day, I don't feel comfortable saying it to my mom, but I make an effort to show her by spending time with her and saying it every now and then.

I even had trouble expressing my feelings to boyfriends. The only one that I have been openly affectionate and more verbally expressive to, though not always, is with my husband. Coincidentally, he is also an INTJ. It is a relief to know that if I am not expressive sometimes, he can tell I still are from my actions.

 I am also expressive on paper to my close friends, my sister and my brother, but I feel uncomfortable being verbal about it. I try to show my love and care by spending time with them and calling them every two weeks. I know that it is not a lot to other types, but it is to me as I dislike talking on the phone.

For INTJs to be expressive in actions or words, they must care deeply about them. Once an INTJ cares about someone, they will be very kind to that person and be there for them, but it has to be earned. They carry the same standards for themselves as well.

Now, although INTJs don't expressive their feelings to everyone, and do not usually make the first move, his does not mean that we dislike when other's show their feelings. I actually enjoy it when they are expressive because it makes it easier for me to open up. However, I greatly dislike hollow flattery or shallow feelings. I also dislike overly emotional people who show their feelings all they time because it makes me feel suspicious about the sincerity and depth. I know this may not be correct as some people are expressive and genuine at the same time. However, I just feel uncomfortable about excessive displays of expressions, be it anger, love, sadness, etc. Excessive for me is every single time I see someone or for a majority of our time together; there must also be time for talking and analysing together. ;)

Because INTJs feel deeply, but do not express it, they can actually get very hurt if the few people that they are expressive to are neglectful or insensitive. I used to drop friends and acquaintances easily as a result because I am not one to wallow when wrong is done to me, but rather get angry or defensive. I have learned, though, and it is something I believe all INTJs must make an effort to learn, that sometimes people don't mean to hurt you on purpose. Many times, people do not think about their during actions or after, like we do. (I say after because once in a while I am impulsive, though I usually am a planner, but in those times when I am impulsive, I will analyze the situatuion for hours. lol.) In cases where you care about someone, and they say or do something that upsets you, give them a chance to explain. Tell them how their actions affected you, but that you realize that perhaps sometimes people misunderstand each other and ask them to clarify. If they care, they may not fully see your side or fully understand your reaction, but they will be genuinely apologetic. However, if they continue doing the same thing more than three times, it may be a good idea to distance yourself just a little until they do change their behavior or be very distant if they don't.

Resolving Misunderstandings

If you are the one who has done something that may have caused a misunderstanding or pain to another, apologize, but don't obsess or analyse their actions and communication or lack thereof. After you have genuinely apologized, give them some time to calm down. This is very hard because we want to understand what they are thinking, if they were affected, what you did wrong so that you may not do it again, etc. However, I have learned patience from living with my husband. Being an INTJ, he is just like me when he is upset, he gets angry in a silent way and then will withdraw. If I press him, he gets angry and then withdraws further. After you give people time to think and reflect on the situation and on the whole person of who you are, communication will be easier. We must learn to be more tolerant and accepting of the different temperaments of those in our life. Sometimes INTJs dismiss people who have different temperaments from them. However, if you care about the person and you have similar interests and values, it is worth the effort to work at communication and relationships with them. Remember, though, that you deserve the same in return. Others must also judge you as a whole person, not based on one or two instances, unless they are extreme. INTJs are naturally perfectionists and can beat themselves up for mistakes. You don't need others in your life to beat you up constantly for them, but rather see you and accept you for who you are, strengths and weaknesses.

Please tell me whether you can relate as an INTJ regarding feelings and communication.

Self-Actualization: Be the Best You

For the last few years of my life, I have contemplated what truly makes one happy. I personally have felt unsatisfied within myself, so I turned to different things to explore self fulfillment. I explored religion and spirituality, reading, meditating and following basic rituals of Buddhism and Hinduism. In my early 20s, I even followed Christianity for 2 years. However, although I believe that having a spiritual center is great, organized religion was too restrictive for me. I now just do yoga, and take daily walks in nature, and that gives me sufficient peace and connection to the universe.

I thought that perhaps helping others would work so I obtain a job helping the public, but although that is a wonderful thing to do, in itself, it is not fulfilling, especially if you are more introverted and like working alone, like myself. I thought that going to grad school to obtain the status of PhD would make me feel better and more fulfilled. So, I took post graduate classes, but they were in a field that I simply had a hobby in, and I soon found out that there were other areas of the field that I did not like enough.

All of these endeavors were idealistic and in my mind, but the answer to self-fulfillment was with me along. It was in the choices that I naturally gravitated towards before I started acknowledging the pressure of society. Now, functioning in society is a wonderful for as the poet, John Donne, said "No man is an Island." However, when we silence our voice by listening to the voice of others, then we loose ourselves. Many of the people giving us opinions may mean well, and care about us, but sometimes people project their own interests and views onto us, or may not truly know us inside.

Thinking about self-fulfillment, I came across Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs a few years ago. While I knew it in theory, I never really paid attention to it and applied it to my own life. However, slowly I began to do so a year ago, and it has led me to truly understand that the purpose in life or well being is attained by simply best you that you can possibly be. I suppose I had to go through some of the other stages on Maslow's Heircharchy of Needs before I was able to embrace and want to pursue self-actualization in my life.

Here is a wonderful article from about.com that describes what self-actualization is very well.

What Is Self-Actualization?

By Kendra Cherry, About.com Guide

Abraham Maslow proposed a hierarchy of needs that represented various needs that motivate human behavior. The hierarchy is often displayed as a pyramid, with lowest levels representing basic needs and more complex needs located at the top of the pyramid.

At the peak of this hierarchy is self-actualization. The hierarchy suggests that when the other needs at the base of the pyramid have been met, the individual can then focus their attention on this pinnacle need. Self-actualization is described as "…the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially."

What exactly is self-actualization? Located at the peak of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy, he described this high-level need in the following way:

"What a man can be, he must be. This need we may call self-actualization…It refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially. This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming."¹

While Maslow’s theory is generally portrayed as a fairly rigid hierarchy, Maslow noted that the order in which these needs are fulfilled does not always follow this standard progression.¹ For example, he notes that for some individuals, the need for self-esteem is more important than the need for love. For others, the need for creative fulfillment may supersede even the most basic needs.

Characteristics of Self-Actualized People

In addition to describing what is meant by self-actualization in his theory, Maslow also identified some of the key characteristics of self-actualized people:

• Acceptance and Realism: Self-actualized people have realistic perceptions of themselves, others and the world around them.
• Problem-centering: Self-actualized individuals are concerned with solving problems outside of themselves, including helping others and finding solutions to problems in the external world. These people are often motivated by a sense of personal responsibility and ethics.
• Spontaneity: Self-actualized people are spontaneous in their internal thoughts and outward behavior. While they can conform to rules and social expectations, they also tend to be open and unconventional.
• Autonomy and Solitude: Another characteristics of self-actualized people is the need for independence and privacy. While they enjoy the company of others, these individuals need time to focus on developing their own individual potential.
• Continued Freshness of Appreciation: Self-actualized people tend to view the world with a continual sense of appreciation, wonder and awe. Even simple experiences continue to be a source of inspiration and pleasure.
• Peak Experiences: Individuals who are self-actualized often have what Maslow termed peak experiences, or moments of intense joy, wonder, awe and ecstasy. After these experiences, people feel inspired, strengthened, renewed or transformed.³

Self-Acceptance and Democratic World View
Self-actualized people tend to accept themselves and others as they are. They tend to lack inhibition and are able to enjoy themselves and their lives free of guilt. Other people are treated the same regardless of background, current status or other socio-economic and cultural factors.
 
Realistic
Another major characteristic of self-actualized people is a sense of realism. Rather than being fearful of things that are different or unknown, the self-actualized individual is able to view things logically and rationally.

Problem-Centered
Self-actualized individuals are often motivated by a strong sense of personal ethics and responsibility. They enjoy solving real-world problems and are often concerned with helping other people improve their own lives.
 
Peak Experiences
Self-actualization is also characterized by having frequent peak experiences. What exactly is a peak experience? According to Maslow, these "Feelings of limitless horizons opening up to the vision, the feeling of being simultaneously more powerful and also more helpless than one ever was before, the feeling of ecstasy and wonder and awe, the loss of placement in time and space with, finally, the conviction that something extremely important and valuable had happened, so that the subject was to some extent transformed and strengthened even in his daily life by such experiences."

Autonomy
The self-actualized individual does not conform to other people's ideas of happiness or contentment. This original perspective allows the individual to live in the moment and appreciate the beauty of each experience.
 
Solitude and Privacy
Self-actualized individuals value their privacy and enjoy solitude. While they also love the company of others, taking time to themselves is essential for personal discovery and cultivating individual potential.

Philosophical Sense of Humor
Self-actualized individuals generally have a thoughtful sense of humor. They are able to enjoy the humor in situations and laugh at themselves, but they do not ridicule or make fun at the expense of another person's feelings.
 
Spontaneity
Another characteristic of self-actualized people is a tendency to be open, unconventional and spontaneous. While these people are able to follow generally accepted social expectations, they do not feel confined by these norms in their thoughts or behaviors.

Enjoy the Journey
While self-actualized people have concrete goals, they do not see things as simply a means to an end. The journey toward achieving a goal is just as important and enjoyable as actually accomplishing the goal.