Achieving goals starts with small feats of discipline

It has been difficult for me to balance working  and studying with the multitude of distractions presented by doing these things from home.

Let me preface the urgency of my situation. I have taken a significant pay cut and am only working part time in order to be able to study and ace the GRE. There is a lot at stake as my husband is paying most of the rent now, and it causes financial strain on him and guilt within myself because I want to contribute more. So, I am certainly not a typical person wanting to go to grad school just for kicks or because I just finished college and don't know what to do nor do I have all the time in the world or my parents supporting me financially. In fact, I have a$40,000 loan that I need to pay back, plus current utility bills (at least $300/mo in NY), my transportation and personal expenses.

However, despite this urgency, I have had an incredibly difficult time in the last 6 months trying to balance my work and study. Last year, I was even off for most of the year, studying for the LSAT, and I did not utilize the time effectively. I scored high on the prep-test (168) after only actually studying for 2 and a half months for 2 hours, 3 days a week. Still, I did not feel a sense of accomplishment because most of the week, I was reorganizing my possessions, going out with friends or reading online. I decided not to continue with the LSAT because after having a talk with my husband and a few professors, plus my experience in law, I realized that the loan of law school would be $186,000 minimum and I really wanted to teach, not be confined to practicing as a corporate lawyer. However, I would not be able to teach until I had experience in a firm for 8-10 years, and that is the requirement and also to pay off the loans.

Since I changed my focus to my real passion that I have had since I was 6 (academia, language, learning, teaching, writing, reading), but which seemed impractical as it does not pay a lot, I have felt a lot more motivation and joy when I actually study.  The LSAT was boring and a chore for me. However, despite enjoying studying for the GRE, I have not been able to study a lot or consistently because I have been reading minimalist fashion and design blogs online, reading novels, watching the History and Travel channel and reorganizing and DE-cluterring at a very slow pace, and catching up on work after procrastination on these things. I thought that perhaps my distraction was my home as it is in a state of disarray as I have brought everything out of storage in an effort to de-clutter and reduce my possessions a great deal. However, progress with that has been slow as I have indecision about discarding many things as I am not making a lot of money, and beause I feel guilty to be wasting my time de-cluttering when I should be studying or working.

On some weeks, I have decided to do my work from the hotel where my husband is staying for a temporary assignment, but I am still laden with the distractions of the internet and TV.

So, today, I decide to do a little experiment. After breakfast, I decided to do some studying in the lobby of the hotel with just my textbook and my cell phone, which has a dictionary program that I needed to use. I used to think that being around people distracted me, but I discovered that it was noise. I actually was able to focus and study intensely despite a few staff around. I did start getting distracted when some more staff came and they started getting chatty. However, even with the noise, I was able to focus more than when in the hotel room. In the hotel room, I do not have a lot of stuff, so I reliaze that it is not my possesions at home that prevent me from studying, although I want to get rid of at least half of them. My conclusion is that my biggest distractor in work and in studying is my computer due to the internet and the television.

I felt an increible boost of self confidence when I realized this and after studying for just an hour and a half. I had begun to think that perhaps I had ADD or just was not as smart or able to concentrate as I was able to in the past. I also realized that by getting a small goal accomplished through discipline, I felt more of an urge to reduce my time on the internet or watching TV, and I also felt a freedom from possesions and a desire and courage in place of the fear to reduce my possesions. This realization came as I felt so much more joy and esteem from studying and learning than I did from watching TV, being on the internet or from any of my possesions. I felt the freedom and hope that I had to succeed as I had when I was younger. I also realized that my depression has been affected from not pursing and working on my passion for a career. I have felt a shadow of myself for the last 10 years while I have been in law as I did my job well, but I kept leaving jobs as the environment was too harsh, money oriented and not intellectually stimulating and intellectually challenging for me. I felt like a failure to have the capacity and skill to do a job, but not being able to sustain emotionally in the environment. I also felt like a failure to have spent so much time trying to make it work and not going after what I really want. Since I made a decision to switch fields, I have felt a weight lift. However, only today, when I have engaged in my passion of learning have I seen the light at the end of the tunnel.

I know I have spent a lot of time describing my experience, and not a lot giving advice, but what I can sum up from this is that it is so important to challenge your habits and ways of thinking when you are trying to find your passion or make a change in your life. Try going without the internet and TV for a day and do something you really enjoy (unless it is web maintenance or something having to do with broadcasting or film). Taking small steps outside our comfort zone is the only way to experience your true, authentic self.

Journey Back to Elegant Simplicity

For someone who is a perfectionist with oneself, trying to achieve any goal satisfactory either ends up in feeling like the goal is not accomplished, but settling or giving up altogether as the ideal cannot be achieved.

While I have lived simply for a good part of my life, when I took on the formal goal during college, it took a life of it's own. I acheived a good degree of minimalism, and even had my clothing, shoes and bags combined  down to 113 items. I also brought my book collection down to less than 50 by giving away or recycling books that I would never use again, and obtaining eBook copies of ones that I would read again. However, criticism from extreme, fanatic minimalists on the web who had 20 personal items slowly broke my confidence. Criticism to a perfectionist is dreadful. I knew that I had stripped most of the excess of my items, and kept only the items that I used. I like variety and to be creative and have fun with my look, so perhaps I kept more than the extreme minimalists kept. However, all that I kept brought me joy and/or added value to my life in some way. Still, I am a consciencious person, and I did not want to look like a fake or a fraud, even though I did not feel I was one. So, in time, I slowly began to abandon my minimnalist lifestye about two years ago for several reasons: not being able to live up to the standard of being the best minimalist possible and because I fell into mild depression because my life was in a rut due to my career and lacked energy to monitor my possessions and even bought items to make myself feel better.

However, almost completely abandoning my minimalist lifestyle has made me feel so unsatisfied with myself that a few months ago, I decided to begin weeding out possessions again. In the same way that people are critical of people in the goth subculture, saying that one is not goth enough because they don't go to goth clubs, or what have you, people in the minimalist subculture will be critical. There are negative and insecure people everywhere who like to put others down to feel more special. However, when one is genuinely inclined to an interest, even with the valleys of self-doubt or setbacks, continue with interests that are genuine or authentic. I have also loved a more minimalist lifestyle for years because keeping my life simple has enabled me to focus on my true passions, such as literature, learning and creating written works.

So, although I made the decision to re-embark on more simple lifestyle again a few months ago, I am going full speed now as I can't function well with many possessions around me. Having so many things take my energy and attention, and actually make me feel more down because I am distracted from doing the things that truly bring me joy and value.

My advice to anyone embarking on a new lifestyle change - be it becoming more minimalist or even embarking on a new career- is to firstly, block out all the negative people and naysayers. Ultimately, it is your life, and no one has a right to tell you how to live. While I do not advocate being inauthentic, such as saying your're minimalist when you are really a hoarder or shopaholic, I do believe that we should all strive to be authentic and unique. We should define ourselves by ourselves and as long as we are not mocking others or their lifestyle, we are allowed to put our own spin on things.

So, in defining myself in the goal of minimalism, I would say that I aim to once again become and stay a moderate minimalist as I have been for most of my life and because I enjoy seeing the beauty in less and in the usual. I think a more appropriate term would be that I am trying to live a more simple, but still comfortable life - one of elegant simplicity as minimalism may be too restrictive a label for my tastes.

Would You Be Happy Without Friends or Possessions?

If you had no friends, no possessions or were isolated from these things for a period of time, would you still be happy?

I think that at the heart of unhappiness is unhappiness with the self.  Granted that we human are social beings, and we are phsyical beings, so we do need some social interaction and also the necessities of life, such as food, clothing and shelter. I think the things beyond the necessities of life bring us joy, such as art, music, books, and even lovely things. However, no matter how many friends we have and objects we may possess, without a healthy contentment in who we are as people, we cannot fully enjoy these things.

There are times when I have gone through periods of stress or depression, and I have purchased items, but I always knew that I am just procrastinating on facing my discomfort or discontent in a situation. Sometimes, I found that just as looking at nature's beauty brings me peace, the beauty of these objects brought me some joy. However, unlike the awe that nature inspires in me and the lessons that it teaches me, these objects soon loose their utility even in their beauty when I am struck with the reality of an apartment running out of space, money wasted or time having to care for these items. This is why I keep coming back to voluntary simplicity, and intend to stay there consistently from hereon.

However, de-cluttering or simplifying is not the entire solution to finding peace, purpose and bliss. I have seen and read a lot of films and surveys on happiness, and they often conclude that many people who have less than others are actually happier because they have a support network and a large group of friends and family. I meet people often, and I am not shy, but because I am an introvert and an HSP, I prefer to keep a small, but amazing group of friends and family. I enjoy time with them a great deal, and there is a mutual exchange of care and value,  but a part of me is well aware that I cannot rely on them for happiness or peace. In fact, after a week or several days of spending a lot of time with people, I often feel a little disconcerted and as if I need to find my center. I know that it is partly due to me being an introvert and HSP, but I also feel it is due to an existential awareness that happiness is deeper than people or things.

Happiness is not even in achievement as I know that I achieved a lot academically in my early years, but a few setbacks derailed me and made me loose confidence in my self worth as I associated it with success. I made a lot more money at my previous job than I do now, but I was still unhappy because I was not challenged and stimulated nor pursuing something creative or that I was passionate about.

From the few and wonderful moemnts and periods of bliss that I have experienced in my life, I would say that true happiness is when we are living in the moment and appreciating the moment - the good, the bad, the dark, the light - all that is around us, and when we are doing that thing that sets us afire, that comes naturally and that inspires us and is what I may dare say, we are put on this world to do. It is elusive staying in the moment or finding that thing that makes us come alive, but once you have a glimpse of it, that is what we must remind ourselves of. So, while I enjoy my family, friends and possessions, I am also had periods when I feel disconnected from others and/or disoriented with the things I own or where I am success-wise in life. These moments of inner turmoil and despair have been my teachers and reminders that I must try and keep aware of that elusive peace of the present and that driving power because nothing else has given me such pure and true peace.

Moderation for Progress

I have a high respect for people who are minimalist due to the sheer discipline. However, I have found that some people believe that doing so makes you automatically a successful and self fulfilled person. I was a minimalist for most of my life, although I did not give myself such a label. I had only clothing and items I used, except for my large library of books. In my mid twenties, I shopped a lot, trying to fit an image that friends said I needed in the corporate world. However, unlike before, many of the items I had were not really "me", but others style that they oppressed on me. So, in the last 4 years, I went on an extreme spin to be a minimalist. It was great to challenge myself to see how much I can live without. Yet, I don't feel that I moved much towards achieving success in life due to it. I enjoy material things, but was never attached to them nor did I ever have the mistaken belief that I would find happiness purely by obtaining stuff. However, the minimalist goals of living close to the land, living with less stuff, shopping less and finding more time for friends and family did not fulfill me in themselves. I have always seen family as important, and other than school loans, I have never been in debt over purchasing items. I don't believe in having stuff you don't use, nor buying stuff you don't use, though I have certainly had my mishaps. I also don't believe in rampant consumerism for the sake of it or for the false believe that it will fulfill you. Doing without is refreshing and freeing, but having also can create joy and comfort. Therefore, I find moderation, not minimalism or extreme materialism is a better way.

What struck me about many minimalists is that they are so extreme. Some harped at me for owning 20 pairs of shoes when I work in the corporate legal field and live in NYC where our streets are not forgiving on shoes, and where we have 4 seasons.

People seem to have categories of minimalism now, such as extreme minimalist or moderate minimalist, but these are highly arbitrary. You are either a minimalist (obsessed with reducing possessions & living with less), an materialist/extremist (obsessed with gaining material possessions) or a moderate. I think most people fall into the category of being moderate, and with anything in life, moderation may be be the best in most things. I personally do not consider myself a minimalist or a materialist, but rather a moderate.

I am not obsessed with material things, but I have no desire to be so strict on myself that I cannot enjoy a small shopping trip now and then. I donate regularly, so I am not so attached to things that I am not letting them go. While I have had guilt at wasting money on purchases that didn't fit into my lifestyle in the past, it was a valuable lesson learned, and one that I remember to not commit. I make time for friends and family, and know that they are a great treasure. However, I am aware that my peace and self fulfillment is most important as if I don't have those, I am not as pleasant, encouraging and kind as I could be. So, yes, I do want to move up in life. I have career goals that I want to achieve. I would like to live a comfortable life. However, I also have big dreams to help others if I am blessed enough to achieve wealth. My reasons for attaining career success are 1) to be self fulfilled and reach my highest potential, 2) to be self sufficient so I am not a burden or expense on my family and to build a life with my husband, and 3) to give back to my close family, close friends and society. They are all equally important goals to me. In being self fulfilled, I like to have nice things and enjoy beauty. It is not a need per se, but something that makes me happy to reward myself for my hard work.

So, extreme minimalists may not agree and look down. I know some who are not working or are just happy being where they are in life, just living on a small budget and hanging out with friends and family in most of their time. That may make them happy, and that is fine. I personally think contentment is commendable. However, as much as I love people and my loved ones, having goals and challenging myself to achieve is also integral to my happiness. So, to each his own.

Words to Inspire You

"Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left." - Hubert Humphrey

"Self-actualization refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, ...to the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming." - A.H. Maslow

Great video about Self Esteem & Self-Actualization

Self-Actualization: Be the Best You

For the last few years of my life, I have contemplated what truly makes one happy. I personally have felt unsatisfied within myself, so I turned to different things to explore self fulfillment. I explored religion and spirituality, reading, meditating and following basic rituals of Buddhism and Hinduism. In my early 20s, I even followed Christianity for 2 years. However, although I believe that having a spiritual center is great, organized religion was too restrictive for me. I now just do yoga, and take daily walks in nature, and that gives me sufficient peace and connection to the universe.

I thought that perhaps helping others would work so I obtain a job helping the public, but although that is a wonderful thing to do, in itself, it is not fulfilling, especially if you are more introverted and like working alone, like myself. I thought that going to grad school to obtain the status of PhD would make me feel better and more fulfilled. So, I took post graduate classes, but they were in a field that I simply had a hobby in, and I soon found out that there were other areas of the field that I did not like enough.

All of these endeavors were idealistic and in my mind, but the answer to self-fulfillment was with me along. It was in the choices that I naturally gravitated towards before I started acknowledging the pressure of society. Now, functioning in society is a wonderful for as the poet, John Donne, said "No man is an Island." However, when we silence our voice by listening to the voice of others, then we loose ourselves. Many of the people giving us opinions may mean well, and care about us, but sometimes people project their own interests and views onto us, or may not truly know us inside.

Thinking about self-fulfillment, I came across Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs a few years ago. While I knew it in theory, I never really paid attention to it and applied it to my own life. However, slowly I began to do so a year ago, and it has led me to truly understand that the purpose in life or well being is attained by simply best you that you can possibly be. I suppose I had to go through some of the other stages on Maslow's Heircharchy of Needs before I was able to embrace and want to pursue self-actualization in my life.

Here is a wonderful article from about.com that describes what self-actualization is very well.

What Is Self-Actualization?

By Kendra Cherry, About.com Guide

Abraham Maslow proposed a hierarchy of needs that represented various needs that motivate human behavior. The hierarchy is often displayed as a pyramid, with lowest levels representing basic needs and more complex needs located at the top of the pyramid.

At the peak of this hierarchy is self-actualization. The hierarchy suggests that when the other needs at the base of the pyramid have been met, the individual can then focus their attention on this pinnacle need. Self-actualization is described as "…the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially."

What exactly is self-actualization? Located at the peak of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy, he described this high-level need in the following way:

"What a man can be, he must be. This need we may call self-actualization…It refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially. This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming."¹

While Maslow’s theory is generally portrayed as a fairly rigid hierarchy, Maslow noted that the order in which these needs are fulfilled does not always follow this standard progression.¹ For example, he notes that for some individuals, the need for self-esteem is more important than the need for love. For others, the need for creative fulfillment may supersede even the most basic needs.

Characteristics of Self-Actualized People

In addition to describing what is meant by self-actualization in his theory, Maslow also identified some of the key characteristics of self-actualized people:

• Acceptance and Realism: Self-actualized people have realistic perceptions of themselves, others and the world around them.
• Problem-centering: Self-actualized individuals are concerned with solving problems outside of themselves, including helping others and finding solutions to problems in the external world. These people are often motivated by a sense of personal responsibility and ethics.
• Spontaneity: Self-actualized people are spontaneous in their internal thoughts and outward behavior. While they can conform to rules and social expectations, they also tend to be open and unconventional.
• Autonomy and Solitude: Another characteristics of self-actualized people is the need for independence and privacy. While they enjoy the company of others, these individuals need time to focus on developing their own individual potential.
• Continued Freshness of Appreciation: Self-actualized people tend to view the world with a continual sense of appreciation, wonder and awe. Even simple experiences continue to be a source of inspiration and pleasure.
• Peak Experiences: Individuals who are self-actualized often have what Maslow termed peak experiences, or moments of intense joy, wonder, awe and ecstasy. After these experiences, people feel inspired, strengthened, renewed or transformed.³

Self-Acceptance and Democratic World View
Self-actualized people tend to accept themselves and others as they are. They tend to lack inhibition and are able to enjoy themselves and their lives free of guilt. Other people are treated the same regardless of background, current status or other socio-economic and cultural factors.
 
Realistic
Another major characteristic of self-actualized people is a sense of realism. Rather than being fearful of things that are different or unknown, the self-actualized individual is able to view things logically and rationally.

Problem-Centered
Self-actualized individuals are often motivated by a strong sense of personal ethics and responsibility. They enjoy solving real-world problems and are often concerned with helping other people improve their own lives.
 
Peak Experiences
Self-actualization is also characterized by having frequent peak experiences. What exactly is a peak experience? According to Maslow, these "Feelings of limitless horizons opening up to the vision, the feeling of being simultaneously more powerful and also more helpless than one ever was before, the feeling of ecstasy and wonder and awe, the loss of placement in time and space with, finally, the conviction that something extremely important and valuable had happened, so that the subject was to some extent transformed and strengthened even in his daily life by such experiences."

Autonomy
The self-actualized individual does not conform to other people's ideas of happiness or contentment. This original perspective allows the individual to live in the moment and appreciate the beauty of each experience.
 
Solitude and Privacy
Self-actualized individuals value their privacy and enjoy solitude. While they also love the company of others, taking time to themselves is essential for personal discovery and cultivating individual potential.

Philosophical Sense of Humor
Self-actualized individuals generally have a thoughtful sense of humor. They are able to enjoy the humor in situations and laugh at themselves, but they do not ridicule or make fun at the expense of another person's feelings.
 
Spontaneity
Another characteristic of self-actualized people is a tendency to be open, unconventional and spontaneous. While these people are able to follow generally accepted social expectations, they do not feel confined by these norms in their thoughts or behaviors.

Enjoy the Journey
While self-actualized people have concrete goals, they do not see things as simply a means to an end. The journey toward achieving a goal is just as important and enjoyable as actually accomplishing the goal.

Tips to Manifest Your Dreams - The Luck Factor

The Luck Factor by Richard Wiseman

-- At anytime, you can take action to change your luck.

-- Winners ascribe succes to hard work (cause - effect)

-- Successful people are thoughtful about words and actions.

The Law of Averages - Do enough work and try equals greater success

The Law of Attraction - You will attract what you think about the most. (Think and talk only about what you want.) Any thought emotionalized goes to the subconscious. which is the seat of attraction.

The Law of Belief - What you believes becomes reality.

The Law of Expectation - What you tell yourself manifests. What you think about determines the future direction of your life.

Action Steps
1. Clarify your mind and your goals

2. Put your values into action. Values are your actions, especially under pressure.

3. Make a vision statement for life. Make it achievable and measurable. Read constantly and take actions regularly toward those life goals.


I will post more lessons from this book as I read along. Please comment if they are helpful, and I will post more book reviews/summaries.

What would you Do in Your Last Days?

I have been thinking a lot lately about how minimalism is not just about owning less, but also doing less. After all, the problem with owning many objects is that each object has energy and zap your energy because of the time it takes to maintain and care for those items. The same applies for when you involve yourself with too many activities. I am definitely for living a full life in which enjoys themselves and/or helps the world, and not just lull around the house. However, I think many of us, including myself, involve ourselves daily in activities that do not contribute to our overall life goals.

I know that after a long work week, we all need some activities to unwind, that do not occupy all of our mental faculties, but there must be limits also. Watching an interesting movie every now and then, or watching a program with your partner once or twice a week is fine. However, think of all the time wasted watching mindless television to kill time, time wasted window shopping, time wasted reading gossip or the like on the internet or in magazines, even time wasted talking repeatedly about topics that you are not particularly interested in or giving the same advice to someone over and over who does not really care.

Everyone has different interests, and that makes the world very interesting as well. However, I find that many of us, including myself, spend a lot of time on things that don’t really call to us and what we want to leave behind in life. I was thinking about my friend who passed away this year, and he valued people in his life, and always gave his time to bring friends together and spend time with them. Everyone who knew him remembers him as a kind person who always brought people together and would give his last dollar if a friend needed it. He also enjoyed activities like spending time with friends (dining, billiards, watching movies), cleaning and collecting kung fu figurines and movies. Before he got sick, he was into high end name brands of clothing and shoes. After he got sick, he still enjoyed the activities I mentioned above, but stopped buying name brand clothing and caring about image.

It makes me think, if we had just a year to live, what would we change in our lives? What would we buy? What would we eat? What would we get rid of in our life? What would we do that we always wanted to? What would we do daily to make our life enjoyable each day?

I know I would not waste money or energy buying clothing, shoes, or even certain books. I would not want to waste my time cleaning and organizing those things in my home. I would watch and read meaningful or substantive movies, plays and books. I would only wear clothes that were simple and easy to pull on in the morning without having to think about fashion or matching pieces. I would volunteer in the community or with children more. I would learn things daily that bring me closer to obtain a career that is more socially active. I would only keep things in my home that I could easily transport if I decide I want to pick up and move somewhere in short notice.

I am trying to think along these lines and do some of these things daily as I was in a rut for a few weeks deciding what to do next after being unemployed since the end of August. It’s a bit morbid to think about what we would do in our last days, but it is very poignant way to live to remember that each day is a gift. A gift that many who are in their last days wish they had. On our death bed, we will not miss or think about objects or useless activities nor regret not doing those things, but we will miss and remember the people in our lives and the activities that we found interesting and are passionate about.

Zenhabits has a great post those who have difficulty minimizing activities. Good luck and enjoy the day!

The Balance of Structure and Individuality

Loosing Structure 

For the last few years, I believed that I disliked structure very much. However, I also noticed that without structure, such as a schedule or to do list or a plan for my days, months and years, I have drifted from job to job and not moved closer to my personal and life goals. I didn’t quite understand my aversion to structure in those last few years as when I was a paralegal, I took a great sense of pride in accomplishing things in a measured time. Even before that, from my youth to my early 20s, I was always an achiever, who planned my goals, and took steps to achieve them.

Thinking about thesee things in the last week as I feel more driven to accomplish my goal of getting into a top grad school, I realized that I need stucture to be successful. I also realized that the reason I have had an aversion to structure in the past few years is because I began to associate structure with people trying to control me. This is due to my previous relationship, where the person was as such, and caused me great anxiety due to his infidelities. Additionaly, it is due to my having a two jobs where I was micromanaged, and structured in by my bosses in almost everything I did. I also began to associate structure with people I saw who are successful and very structured, but who are also verymainstream in their views and behaviors, while I am somewhat unconventional.

Structure does not mean conformity

I  began to associate structure with the lack of freedom to be myself, and an invisible hand of society to conform me to the thoughts and behaviors of most people. Subconsciously, I rebelled, not in the way I rebelled as a teen, where I went goth, with black clothing, high platform boots, streaks in my hair or safety pins and staples in my clothing. How I rebelled was in abandoning the desire and need for structure in my life, and instead doing what spurred me in the moment, not planning my days in detail, and trying to be more hippiesh, and procrastinating. However, I still could not help planning myself in some ways, such as planning where I will meet my friends, checking out the directions first, deciding what I would do if I arrived early, etc. Yet to not stick to the structure and rigidity of being punctual, which I associated with my structered jobs, I would decide to do the dishes or clean the apartment before I leave, and therefore, end up leaving later than I estimated and knew I should. I rebelled by impulsively shopping, yet ironically, I would plan that I would impulsively shop, such as which store, which isle I would start with, etc. While at the store, I still sorted through my options before I make my decision. The inpulse was in purchasing things that I didn’t need more of. My need for structure then led me to continously organize, categorize and de-clutter my items.

Success requires vision and a plan

 Looking back over the last few years, I realize that I have always been successful when I have a vision, a plan, and take small action steps daily to achieve that plan. My rebellion against the structure I need has led me to seek structure in other ways, such as my environment, yet since my internal views were not congruent, even that has not stayed structured as I would like, leading to a lot of stress and wasted time organizing. I have come to understand myself that I like structure and getting things done. I don’t feel accomplished just thinking about things, and drifting aimslessly in knowledge. I like my thoughts and ideas to translate into something tangiable, into something that can be achieved, and I need closure and accomplishment. What I don’t need is structure and control under someone else’s terms. I am highly independent, resourceful and I need a balance of a path/structure to follow in a job, but also enough freedom to exercise my ideas, and demonstrate and build my skills.

Volition: Accomplishing Goals

I am not exactly the conventional type, but have tried to change that a little because practicality has its uses. Although, creative types don’t seem as practical or ruthless in the “get ahead world”, I have come to embrace myself even more now. I usually don’t like to be structure too much, and really dislike the 9-5, even though I am very hard working and passionate when I do work. Yet, living on schedule-less days have left me feeling like I have not accomplished alot. That is because I guess even for creative, free-spirited types, we still need to set goals. Don’t make the mistake of setting too many goals though because in the past when I do not accomplish all the goals I set in a day or week, I become frustrated and disgruntled, and throw out the whole idea of a schedule. Now A better alternative is to set a few present goals a day - things that need to be done, and for the rest of the day, I am free to dream, learn, write, etc. I have set 5 goals today other than blogging and cooking- hem a few articles of clothing, write two letters and prepare for mailing, spruce up my resume, organize my notes and books, read at least a chapter of a book I started weeks ago - all of which I have organized in 1 hour intervals. I planned on starting at 10 am, but woke up at 12 am, so I am now starting to accomplish these goals at 2 pm. It is important to be easy on yourself when things do not go exactly as planned, but to keep trudging forward to accomplish the goals. I have often gotten dejected in the past because I did not accomplish things in the time period that I planned, but I now realize that sometimes it is not as important how we come to accomplish goals and time is relative to a point. The most important things is to finish those goals in a reasonable time period. So if you find that you are not able to accomplish all your goals in one day, start by planning a little less until you become acclimated to a somewhat flexible routine, and most of all keep pressing forward regardless of obstacles. This can be applied to small as well as large goals as the small goals are building steps in achieving our larger goals.

False Success: Reducing attitudes & bevahiors to be your authentic self

One of my main goals in life is not success in terms of money or possessions because even when I earned more, I was still unhappy. I did not know it at the time, and thought that perhaps, it was the job itself or some difficult people with whom I worked. I made this conclusion with my many of my jobs. To my remorse, I realized many years later that it was not the job, but me. I was trying to get fulfillment out of what I was doing, rather than find fulfillment with being. I have never been enraptured with money or material possessions, and in the period of my life when I shopped a lot, it was to kill time, fill a hole or because I was trying to please others. So, since I knew that I did not undertake the jobs solely due to money, I could not figure out why I was depressed in a general sense and not happy doing work in a field I found interesting. I thought that perhaps my interest in the field had waned or that the field was too stressful for me. I thought that perhaps pursuing another interest would help, and tried two different fields, but I was left with the same discontent. In retrospect, some of the jobs were great jobs, and I met even greater people along the way. So, what I had to examine is what fulfillment and happiness meant to me.

What I eventually realized is that no interest or even noble goals, such as the goal of living a simpler life, achieving a graduate degree, contributing to the world and helping the environment, good goals as they are, are not enough to bring me peace, fulfillment and happiness. These goals and life pathways are simply conduits to help me achieve a more peaceful and content life. True maximization of my potential and peace for me, and I believe for many if not, all, can only be achieved through one goal: being and living a life that is in life with your authentic self in every way - in thoughts, in actions, in career, in family and social relationships and in the choices we make every day, including how we spend our time and consumer choices. 


Even in our dealings with others, we must be authentic. This means not allowing people to continue to criticize, control or treat you in a manner that you are very uncomfortable with. At the end of the day, we are the only ones who can change how people treat us. We cannot be peaceful with others if we are not living authentically with them because resentment with build for ourselves or for them, and then there will be no growth.

So, aim to be a better, more authentic version of yourself and to live a more authentic life, not to gain money or title, because of fear of conflict or disapproval, but for yourself because only then can you achieve noble goals and make a difference in the world.

To understand who your authentic self truly is, please read this wonderful article by Dr. Phil.