The Thin Line between Crafting and Hoarding Fabric & Notions

Today I am de-cluttering my trim and fabric stash, which amounts to two large plastic bins. I know it is a whole lot, and I admit that I have a hoarding problem with fabric. De-cluttering the bins is turning out to be a laborious task as most of my clutter has been fabric I have saved from items for which I did not like the style and tons of lace. I have lots of pieces of fabrics that can be added to items, but cannot make a whole skirt or top. I also have a huge stash of white lace because I figured I can add them as trim to my black clothing. However, whenever I wear something black with a white trim, it looks lolita goth, which I find cute, but which is not really my style. Larger white lace trims even make me feel like I look like a maid or waitress. I have only trimmed my clothing with black or red lace. 

My mom sews a lot, and I have decided to give her most of my silk stash and also some lace. She said she would take the silk as silk is costly, but I am not sure if she will take the lace.  In any case, when you are giving away things to people that you thought were useful, it gives perspective as I realize that a lot of the lace and fabric are too small for her to make something with.  I also do not want to give her things she cannot use as she tends to hoard fabric also, although she sews a lot more than I do. Since I have not used them in 1 to 2 years, I am no longer kidding myself and realize that I probably won't use them in the future, especially since my time is limited now. So, I have decided to just throw them out because they cannot be donated or given away. It feels wasteful because I know people have to buy lace and fabric, but these little pieces are just not useful. I know no one who would buy little scraps like this.

Well, humble lesson learned...instead of cutting out lace from shirts and dresses to feel like I am not being wasteful by donating or throwing away the item, I just wasted time and even prevented another person from being able to purchase it and use it from the thrift store. 

For those crafters and sewers out there, I do hope you learn from my less and do not save fabric or trim unless you have a specific purpose in mind for it, not a potential project that does not already exist in some way.  

Well, back to the de-cluttering. I hope to be left with half of a bin when I am done donating items to my mom and throwing things away. After that, I am going to do projects with the fabric pieces in less than a month. Otherwise, all the stash is going, except my black and red lace trims and corset which I add to new clothing on an ongoing basis, as I can't afford the more pricey goth items in gothic clothing stores, and because I like the creative outlet of sewing and making unique things.

Letting go of Negativity & Criticism for Growth

I have been in a bit of a rut the last few weeks, and I cannot focus on work or studying. This is difficult for me as I work from home and study at home. My work does not pay very well, and is based on an hourly rate, so distractions and not being able to focus for hours means a loss in my pay. As for the studying, I have to take 2 GRE exams (general and subject) in the next few months, so I really do not have the luxury of loosing time.

Yet, when at home, I get distracted with reorganizing my possessions, cleaning the house, and going on the internet for hours. There were many times in my life when my focus was superb. I have been thinking about those times, and what facilitated that focus. I am an HSP (highly sensitive person), so I am affected by excessive sensory stimulation. However, since I do not have to deal with the stress of a micromanaging or domineering boss as before, my environment in terms of people is not the issue. However, I have worked out of a hotel for a few days every few weeks when visiting my husband when he is away for work, and my focus has been a lot better. I do get sidetracked and watch the history channel at times as I do not have cable at home, but overall, I am not as distracted and pull myself back after wasting time for a certain interval.

Looking back at my entire life and at the times when I was able to focus and also reflecting on why I am able to focus better away from home, I realize that my possessions and worrying about the well being of others seriously drain my energy. There is such a thing as doing too much of both. This morning, in the hotel, I started thinking about the several bins of clothing, shoes and bags that I have to go through as I am trying to weed out my clothing to have a more minimalist inventory. It brought me down so much that I unconsciously started surfing the web for a few hours to not think about it. Yesterday, I began to think about how needy some people in my life are for self assurance and for me to pick them up. This also weighed down on me and drained my energy as I realized after years of positive talk to them, only a person can change their own happiness, and it is selfish to ask others to do that. Although I am a caring person, I am also an INTJ, and I show care and love in different ways. However, what makes it hard to show care to these people as they have been very critical of me as a person, and also of me not showing enough even when I am trying. So, being that they are somewhat negative people and with their past history of being critical, I often feel guilty and drained when thinking about or trying to show care for them. This has affected my focus and my self esteem over the years because I feel that no matter what I do, it is not enough for them, and they do not accept me as I am.

I am certainly not an unfeeling person, and show care to my husband and 4 close friends often enough, but these people are positive or at least show me care in return. Very lopsided or one sided relationships where one is doing most of the giving or when demands are placed upon one who is not of the ability to fulfill them are draining and bad for the psyche. So, despite my guilty feelings, I have decided to limit contact with those people until I am at a healthier place psychologically to do so. I have spent my whole life in guilt in wanting to take care of myself first and have given a lot of my time and care that I did not have to extra to give due to it. However, after seeing a psychologist who noticed this pattern, and who told me that I had a right to care for myself too, I am trying to become healthier and raise my self esteem that has been broken directly and indirectly by negative people and many of emotional and verbal abuse.

When we are able to let go of the pain of the past, and build our self esteem and ourselves again, then we will be able to give. However, we cannot cover the pain with a false sheet of trying to be a good person and being a martyr for those we love. Otherwise, it only builds resentment that resurfaces later and actually taints the love or care that we feel for others. I am a private person, so I don't reveal things about myself such as I have above to most people. However, I do hope that others who have gone through verbal and emotional abuse that has affected their self esteem and sense of self worth would be brave enough to love themselves first before trying to love others.

Why Black Clothing is Versatile & Attractive

A true or blood red stirs me, such as when I see a luscious, red rose.

However, my love affair with red is not as frequent as my love affair with the color, black. I have worn and enjoyed these colors for 18 years now, and black especially is my go to color to wear or decorate with at any given moment. 

Black is by far the best color, not only loved by goths, minimalists, artists, writers, actors, priests and the French, to name a few. 

The majority of the clothing I wear is black, with the occasional dash of red, white or purple close to my face as black tends to wash me out (but which does not deter me from giving it up). Here are some of the reasons why I prefer black:

13 REASONS TO WEAR BLACK

1. It lends to an air of mystery.
   • Black is a simple, but highly complex color. Some people like to get attention from loud colors, but I think subtle attention is real attention. Personally, I am much more intrigued and attracted to a man wearing black, than one wearing color, for instance. It makes me wonder why he is so low key and not seeking attention, and makes him more intriguing. It is the same for women I meet, even just to be friends with.
2. It lends to an air of sophistication.
   • This is why the French are known to love it, why the little black dress is symbolized worldwide to be the article of clothing of elegance.Black clothing looks very elegant, even if it is just a black tshirt and jeans.
3. It matches everything.
   • This is one of my favorite ones. I can spend my time in the morning selecting lovely accessories, rather than worrying if my clothing matches. That time saved means I can have breakfast, which I have the terrible habit of skipping due to bad time management. Having only or mostly black clothing also means that you need less clothing because you don't have to worry about matching, and people don't notice as much if you wear the same item twice.
4. Easier laundry care
   • You do not have to worry about your clothes running in the laundromat if they are all the same color: black! White gets dingy after a while, and sometimes red runs in color. Even if you have a red item amongst mostly black, if it runs in the wash, it rarely shows on the black clothing.
5. Less likelihood of staining
   • I used to wear white t-shirts under black jackets, but the very day that I wore them, would be they day they got stained by pasta sauce or curry. I am not a klutz, but it seems so ironic that this always happened on the day I am wearing white or red. So, now even if I wear red, it is as an under-layer with black as the over layer or a as a bottom, such as a lovely, long red and black skirt that I have. Some of my black items do have just a trim of red lace, but they do not show stains as they are so small.
6. It is appropriate for any situation
   • Black is appropriate for work, for school, for weddings and formal occasion. I believe that at Indian weddings all black is seen as not being a festive color, although in the culture, black is also seen as the powerful color of the god Krishna and the goddess Kali. That is the only instance where I think black can be seen as inappropriate. However, the solution is easy, if you have an Indian wedding to go to, purchase a black sari with silver, gold or red decoration, or just wear a different color scarf (dupatta) with it, such as a red scarf, which is seen as good luck. Caveat, don't wear all red to an Indian or Chinese wedding as the bride usually wears that color, and white is the color of mourning in both cultures.
7. It's slimming and makes you have a nice silhouette.
8. It looks neater in your closet as well as while you are wearing it.
   • It may be personal preference, but I find that people look more put together when wearing black. Plus, in your closet, it looks very neat, and less like a cluttered mess such as when you have different colors. I am very visual and affected by colors, so it makes me calm in the morning to look into my closet and see a neat black set of clothing.
9. It lends to an air of confidence and intelligence. 
   • People wearing black always seem more refined ore intelligence to me. It evokes a confidence that one does not have to call attention to oneself or proove anything to others, which is the true measure of confidence in my opinion.
10. It is a powerful color.
    • Think of the black suit, the priest's robe, the color of the gods Krishna and Kali, etc. These are all symbols of power.
11. It is a sexy color.
    • I can't describe it, but the look of black lace or a man in a black t-shirt and jeans is incredibly sexy. It may be due to all the associations with black that I have made thus far, or black just has that effect in itself.
12. It makes me feel at home in myself.
    •  This is the whole reason that I started loving and wearing mostly black. It was not because my friends were all wearing black or because some magazine told me that black was trendy to wear. It just felt right and comfortable when I wear it, like I am sinking into my own skin.
13. It makes shopping easy and saves time. 
    • I have no worries about going through racks of clothing to find the perfect hue or item that will go with something else. My second worn color is red, and sparingly, green. However, I only like one hue in both of those colors - blood red and hunter green. There are time where I have purchased items and the color looks different in different lighting, which is very frustrating and time consuming to have to do the return process. With black, it's black in the store and black at home. Time saved.

1. Please share why you enjoy wearing black.

Psychological Implications of Clutter

Many times we hoard items because it gives us a sense of security. A guest on Oprah noted that many people keep things and develop clutter because they fear the future, or for other psychological reasons. Although I don’t believe I am a compulsive hoarder, it would be advisable that readers take a look at this link if they have a problem with clutter and hoarding.

We can all relate to some of these items in some manner, but the most important thing is to not let yourself slip too much if you do slip. I notice that I always buy stuff or keep stuff to alleviate boredom and take my mind off stress or insecurity about the future. I started  buying items after I got a job because I was not able to without feeling guilty to when I was not working,  and I indulged now that I got a job.

I have reorganized every week or two, but reorganizing is not enough because the clutter returns. At first, I thought it is because I don’t have enough time to clean as before and that I don’t put things in their rightful places because I am sometimes in a rush.
I am admitting to myself that I simply have too much stuff still. This has included 6 packets of  index cards and index card boxes, folders, a rainboot, 2 baking pans, 4 cardigans for winter, 4 sweaters and 4 summer cardigans and 3 suit jackets that were unnecesary as I have enough clothing, but that I thought would be work appropriate.  Since I brought several items in, I need to donate several items of clothing that I worn less than 5 times, but that I hold on to because they are good quality.

Papers, namely magazines and books have also piled up. Feeling terrible due to sustainability issues, I refused to throw magazines out until I read them, and there aren’t any places I can donate them in my area.  Luckily, my subscriptions have expired, and I have been reading and recycling some, so there are about 10 only that I have to scan and recycle now. My books are another story because I bought many in certain times in my life that will offer beneficial advice for my well being as well as for my interest in literature. The solution here is that I am going to read the ones that I want to read the most, as opposed to my strategy of saving them for last, and after I have read them all, to purchase a ebook reader and only buy ebooks from hereon. I love books, but I am not settled in life, and don’t want to be too attached to any home, so a ebook reader, though pricey at $300 and above will save me alot of time and space.  I will only purchase paper books that I really want to read and that are not in ebook format.

I watched a movie called Mongul about the life of Ghengis Khan, and the rusticness and nomadicness of life back then really appealed to me, though not the violence. It always makes me appreciate my life, and make me feel happiess when I live as simply and with as few items as possible. Having too many items lures us into a false sense of security especially when you may feel you do not have control in your life in some areas, or are unsatisfied in some areas. However, it actually does not alleviate those feelings, but adds  more fuel to it because many possessions make you loose your control of what is important to you as you are bombarded with so many items. It also takes away from your time as you have to care for, clean and some even subconciously worry about loosing stuff. Make sure that security is in yourself and your life, not in your possessions.

Let Possessions Go = Embrace the Present Self

I have had the guilt over letting go of possessions because I have more than I honestly need and use. Being that I am not working at the moment, I have had some pangs of hesitation to letting go lately, that is not very common for me. It is due to the guilt of money wasted and loosing money when I am not bringing in any income at the moment.

I have listed many items on Ebay, but have either not had sales because people want it dirt cheap. Ebay also high seller insertion fees and final value fees, so the few I have sold have only resulted in about $8 per item for items that were new and valued at least $50 each. I have also had the headache of some buyers not paying and having to initiate a dispute or wanting to return items because they change their mind. I do not get reimbursed for the insertion fees or shipping fees if the buyer returns the item. So, unless there is an item that you can make at least $30 selling, it is not worth it. Consequently, only name high end brand items sell for at least $30. My H&M clothes have not resulted in sales. The time to prepare the item and wait in the post office to ship it does not seem to be worth the $5 net that I make on lower end brand items. Consignment shops only usually give $5 to $10 even for high end items.

I have never hesitated to donate in the past, but there are only two charities that pick up, and I don't have a car to take items to legitimate charities. The two charities that pick up are not well known charities, and I have seen people selling used clothing in Chinatown and other areas, so I am not sure if these charities are legitimate, as research on the internet have not given much detail than a simple website that anyone can make. Since I purchased my items with my hard earned money, I want them to be used to legitimately help others.

However, I have come to a new conclusion today that we can't control certain things, especially the actions of others. When we give money to a homeless person, we cannot be sure that he will use the money for food rather than for alcohol or drugs. We hope that he will use it for food, but we really don't know, do we? My choice with this issue has been to give homeless people only food, and not money. However, with our clothing donations, we can't be sure that the charities are selling the items and using it to help the less fortunate, rather than for their own pockets.

I have accumulated a pile of items as I have lost weight since going back to being a vegetarian a year ago. Many of my items don't fit and cannot be altered and some items cause skin allergies (such as wool and cashmere). While I have donated much in the past, I have held onto good quality items, such as name brand items, items made of wool or cashmere and new shoes or shoes worn just a few times, but are now very tight on me. (My feet have gotten wider as I walk a lot these days, so I have to wear a 6 wide width to 6.5. I can no longer wear my size 5 1/2 or regular size 6 shoes). I have held onto these items, even though I purchased new items to fit me appropriately now because I hoped to sell them on eBay, but deep inside I knew it was not worth the effort, especially when even some of my name brand items didn't sell. I have held on to these items because of guilt and inability to let go of the past, and fear of the future and what I cannot control.

I feel guilt because I am not working and the items discarded are a symbol of the time I worked to earn money to buy the item. I also feel guilt for enjoying shopping for these items, thinking it will bring joy to me, when that joy lasted for only a short time.  I feel fear of the future because my mother's constant about not throwing things away because you may need them someday and not have money has made me fearful of not having enough in the future. I have kept many items that didn't sell with the thought that I can refashion clothing into new clothing, but I don't need anymore, so it makes no sense other than adding to the clutter.

Yet today, I am doing a big overhaul and letting go of these chains of guilt and fear. I purchased some of the items in times of pain and uneasiness due to tragedy and feeling down. Keeping items that remind me of that and make me feel guilty for going against my nature and knowledge that objects don't bring peace only make me feel worse in this moment. The reason for the purchase, the time and money spent are now all the past. I cannot get the time or money back, and that is fine. The awareness and lessons from mistakes are jewels of the present that I can apply in the present and not make the same mistakes again. The fear of the future is unfounded. I am not an invalid nor an unintelligent or lazy person. Although I am studying for grad school now, and not working, I will work in the future. Although I don't have extensive long term experiences at jobs, I have managed to get jobs in the past, and at each job, I was valued for my hard work, intelligence, resourcefulness and desire to do well and be efficient.

The fear of not being able to make money or not having enough is not because I crave material things for comfort, but because I am allowing the fears and words of others in society to affect my own view of myself and my capabilities. Not working, worrying about the future, and reflecting about the mistakes of the past diminishes the self esteem and is dis-empowering.

Letting go of things that hold you back, be they ideas, frames of thinking or possessions is a way of empowering yourself because you are challenging the things that cause fear, anxiety or guilt in you. While we cannot control the future or the actions of others, including charities, we can control ourselves and how we view life and ourselves. We can view ourselves as strong and adaptive, or flawed, fearful or always making mistakes.

Holding on to possessions with the hope of one day selling on ebay, while they pile up and cause us  to waste time re-arranging, cleaning and feeling guilty about only makes us  feel a loss of energy. While we may have indeed wasted money by buying these items, and not using them and now donating them, we do not have to wallow in mistakes and bad choices forever. We can take this as an opportunity for strength  to overcome the past, live solely in the present and take actions for a more fruitful future.

So, today if you are trying to reduce your possessions, take a deep breath and let go of the attachment to the past, to attitudes you have held on to, to guilt and to the possessions. Don't look at the possessions and create stories in your mind or lament over the feelings associated with them. Don't let yourself feel the overwhelming feelings of guilt and fear, but feel the emotions of the the beginning of a freer, less attached you, that lives only in the present. Take that donation box, and just ruthlessly put in the items that you have not used in the last few months or that do not give value to who you are now and who you want to be. Let go, welcome change and embrace today.

Moderation for Progress

I have a high respect for people who are minimalist due to the sheer discipline. However, I have found that some people believe that doing so makes you automatically a successful and self fulfilled person. I was a minimalist to some extent for most of my life in that I had only clothing and items I used, except for my large library of books. In my mid twenties, I shopped a lot, trying to fit an image that friends said I needed in the corporate world. However, unlike before, many of the items I had were not really "me", but others style that they oppressed on me. So, in the last 4 years, I went on an extreme spin to be a minimalist. It was great to challenge myself to see how much I can live without. Yet, I don't feel that I moved much towards achieving success in life due to it. I enjoy material things, but was never attached to them nor did I ever have the mistaken belief that I would find happiness purely by obtaining stuff. However, the minimalist goals of living close to the land, living with less stuff, shopping less and finding more time for friends and family did not fulfill me in themselves. I have always seen family as important, and other than school loans, I have never been in debt over purchasing items. I don't believe in having stuff you don't use, nor buying stuff you don't use, though I have certainly had my mishaps. I also don't believe in rampant consumerism for the sake of it or for the false believe that it will fulfill you. Doing without is refreshing and freeing, but having also can create joy and comfort. Therefore, I find moderation, not minimalism or extreme materialism is a better way.

What struck me about many minimalists is that they are so extreme. Some harped at me for owning 20 pairs of shoes when I work in the corporate legal field and live in NYC where our streets are not forgiving on shoes, and where we have 4 seasons.

People seem to have categories of minimalism now, such as extreme minimalist or moderate minimalist, but these are highly arbitrary. You are either a minimalist (obsessed with reducing possessions & living with less), an materialist/extremist (obsessed with gaining material possessions) or a moderate. I think most people fall into the category of being moderate, and with anything in life, moderation may be be the best in most things. I personally do not consider myself a minimalist or a materialist, but rather a moderate.

I am not obsessed with material things, but I have no desire to be so strict on myself that I cannot enjoy a small shopping trip now and then. I donate regularly, so I am not so attached to things that I am not letting them go. While I have had guilt at wasting money on purchases that didn't fit into my lifestyle in the past, it was a valuable lesson learned, and one that I remember to not commit. I make time for friends and family, and know that they are a great treasure. However, I am aware that my peace and self fulfillment is most important as if I don't have those, I am not as pleasant, encouraging and kind as I could be. So, yes, I do want to move up in life. I have career goals that I want to achieve. I would like to live a comfortable life. However, I also have big dreams to help others if I am blessed enough to achieve wealth. My reasons for attaining career success are 1) to be self fulfilled and reach my highest potential, 2) to be self sufficient so I am not a burden or expense on my family and to build a life with my husband, and 3) to give back to my close family, close friends and society. They are all equally important goals to me. In being self fulfilled, I like to have nice things and enjoy beauty. It is not a need per se, but something that makes me happy to reward myself for my hard work.

So, extreme minimalists may not agree and look down. I know some who are not working or are just happy being where they are in life, just living on a small budget and hanging out with friends and family in most of their time. That may make them happy, and that is fine. I personally think contentment is commendable. However, as much as I love people and my loved ones, having goals and challenging myself to achieve is also integral to my happiness. So, to each his own.

Green Ideas fo Health & Productivity

Limiting the things that I bring into my home and simplifying my chores gives me more time to do what I really enjoy. I find that using environmentally friendly products are better for my health and for the environment. Here are some products and practices that I employ that makes my life a little bit easier.


SKIN CARE

Use natural skin care products. It is better for the environment and your skin. Coincidentally, most natural products have fewer ingredients than other products. Look for those with the least ingredients and with no preservatives. If you don’t use face makeup (powder, foundation, concealer, blush, etc.), steaming your face with a soft wash cloth and boiling water should be sufficient. If you run out of natural products or can’t find them near your neighborhood, products for extremely sensitive skin, such as Cephatil or Eucerin, also have fewer ingredients.

HOUSE CLEANING

Baking soda and vinegar are miracle house cleaners, which were used before cleaners were mass marketed. You can use them to deodorize, clean stoves, counter tops, tubs, sinks, etc. Check this site for recipes/idea. I use baking soda to clean pots and pans, and soak dishes in baking soda and minimal water to loosen grease and food, but I am looking for an alternative to liquid soap to wash dishes. Any ideas?

LAUNDRY/DRY CLEANING

For delicate materials, such as silk, cashmere and merino wool (which encompass half of my wardrobe due to my sensitive skin), you can just use clear, cheap shampoo, like Suave, White Rain or Tresemme to hand wash them in lukewarm water. This saves money on the cleaners and protects the environment because dry cleaning solvents are dangerous for the environment and also bad for your clothing because they break down fabrics. If you have a stain, try to treat it right away with a little hot water and undyed soap. Then you can just steam the fabric when you get home. Steaming is also a good alternative to dry cleaning if your aim is just to freshen your clothing after a wear of two until you are ready to wash it with gentle shampoo.

PERIODICALS

I have done away with all my magazine subscriptions, except one for husband's reading in the bathroom. lol. Sorry for being explicit. You can read most of the information on online versions of most newspapers and magazines. If you want premium content, most major newspapers and magazine offer online subscriptions now, but I advise not to complicate your life by doing so unless you need premium content for your job. Also, ask retailers to remove you from their mailing if you can so you don’t get catalogs and junk mail. When you do get catalogs or junk mail, recycle right away rather than letting them pile up. Don’t bother looking through them to browse unless there was something you were looking for previously.

I have also scanned some of my old magazines into the computer to save spaces, such as my copies of Gothic Beauty, Propaganda and Victorian Goth Garden Magazine and articles from Yoga Journal.

BOOKS

I love the tactile-ness of books, but have only purchased a few books this entire year, since my husband bought me a Kindle Fire. I used to go on compulsive bookstore shopping at Strands and Barnes & Nobles. I still have held on to books not in eBook format, such as a few goth culture books, historical books on witchcraft and vampires, my collection of Poe and Lovecraft stories and my law books. However, all else have been replaced via eBook if the copyright has been expired, such as classics, like Wuthering Heights, and some of my psychology books. This saves so much time and space, and it looks so much like a book that the first few weeks of using it, I would reach for the edge as if turning a page. It is a little pricey, though cheaper than the Kindle, even though it was the first innovator of EBook technology. It is worth the price though in convenience and portability for your back, and think of how much you would save if you had to move all those books. Not to mention that it saves trees. All the classics are available in eBook format, and many current books are being produced as in eBook format (pdf) also. You can download classics, where copyrights have been expired, for free from Project Gutenberg and read in pdf format on the reader. These days, I only buy regular books if I really need them and cannot find it in a store. I also encourage supporting smaller booksellers when possible.

HOUSEKEEPING

Housecleaning takes up a lot of time if you have a lot of possessions, so the first thing that I recommend is clear out anything you have not used in the past year. This includes kitchen gadgets, office supplies, magazines, old video games and toys if you have children, etc., most of which can be donated to thrift stores. I also recommend getting rid of excess bins and containers because although they are marketed to keep clutter under control, they also keep you unaware of all the things that you actually own. The plastic in bins are also bad for the environment. I keep all kitchen items in accessible cupboards so they can be used regularly rather than stored somewhere. For two people who don’t usually entertain more than 4 people at a time, 6 forks, 6 knives, 6 spoons, 6 plates, 6 bowls and 6 glasses are sufficient. A lot of people have way too many house wares that they rarely or never use. We used to have only 2 of each, but since we like to have a few friends over instead of spending a lot of money dining out all the time, we bought a few more items, but not more than needed.

CLOTHING 

I have said a lot about minimizing clothes in my other posts, since as a female that was my biggest area I had to minimize when I started this journey. I have to emphasize that I do not recommend storing clothes, shoes or coats where you cannot see them because you will not be aware of how much you actually have. I keep all my clothes hung up and shoes on wood shelves and in wood baskets. At the end of the season, I wash or steam all my clothing and put them in clear, reusable suit bags. I hate using plastic, but this makes it easier to see the items that I have in the event that I need an off season item and also to keep inventory of all that I have. Shoes that I am currently using go on a wood shelf near the door, and those not in use are in wooden baskets in the bottom of my closet.

FOOD

I am not a strict vegetarian, but try to eat meat and fish as little as possible, and I eat no red meat. I used to be a strict vegetarian, but as I am anemic, I got very sick, and my doctor recommended that I eat a little more protein. So I eat fish and seafood 2 to 3 times a week, and once in a blue when I visit my in-laws home, I eat chicken or pork if there is nothing else because I do not want to inconvenience them, but that is rare. That said, I try to eat simple, vegetarian food most of the time. It is better for the environment because of all the emissions and food required to maintain the food industry and for your health as studies have shown that communities that do not eat meat live longer. See the Cornell China Study, and the Oprah’s episode on centenarian (person who is at least 100 years old) populations around the world.  I walk with vegetarian snacks, like Kashi cereal, dried fruits, etc., so if I am hungry and cannot find a vegetarian friendly menu or if it is too expensive such as in New York, I have sustenance to hold me out until I get home.  I do my best not to eat chocolate, processed food or excess sugar, though I do have a fruit filled cookie or make flan or other desserts. I try to make deserts at home because there are no or less preservatives and less sugar than store bought items.

Determine what Fullfills You & Get Rid of the Rest

I have thought about on and off for the past few years about how material things affect our lives. I even went on  a minimalist lifestyle at one point, and discarded/donated many of my books and clothing, and acquired a large blog following on the subject. However, my life goals and lifestyle do not permit me to be minimalist.

My experience is as a paralegal, and intend to stay in the legal field because I enjoy it very much. In this field, what comes with the territory is that your appearance does affect your credibility. If I only have 5 suits that I wear all the time, my bosses and clients will surely notice. Not to mention, there is a definite psychological effect of being put together and dressing appropriately and businesslike. I am not into trends or accumulating items for the sake of having them, but I like to look elegant and professional. While I do like the quality and styles of some brands, I don't purchase items with ostentatious logos to appear wealthy, as that simply looks tacky. So, I have had to come to a balance where I try to keep my wardrobe and my home somewhat minimalist in style, but I can no longer consider myself minimalist because I have too many items to take that label.

Nonetheless, I also realize that having too many items in your home, wardrobe, bookshelf, etc. is not beneficial if some of these items do not serve your life goals (personal and career). Having items that do not serve your goals just take time and energy to take care of, and actually can be distracting.

For that reason, I am re-evaluating my items in the next few weeks. I will attempt to sell some on Ebay, but my experience has not been good as I only get $7 for boots that I purchased for $50, and I wonder if it is worth the time and effort of taking pictures, following and hoping for a sale, answering potential buyer questions (many of whom don't end up purchasing), preparing for shipment and then going to the post office to ship. I would appreciate your thoughts.

In regards to simplifying to keep items that are essential to your life goals and enjoyments, I have thought about the fact that the most common goal of most people is happiness or well being. We try to find it through different avenues, but I have found that the more avenues I seek at once, the more complicated and elusive happiness becomes. I look back at my happiest times in life, save for my childhood, and realize that my happiest times was when I lived my life simply. It seems ironic because consumerism tells us that we need more and more things daily. Yet, during that time, my attention was focused on a few things that brought me great joy and peace. Namely, they were, waking up early in the morning to do yoga exercises and light meditation, writing a little daily, reading a little daily (on-line or books) and cooking wholesome, healthy food (vegetarian and seafood based). Of course, I also spend a little time with friends and loved ones, but we must first look for happiness within. Those are my particular affinities. Yours might be different. Yet, self discovery is the key.

Reflecting to Simpler Times in The Past
Look back and note times when you were truly happy. Try to not to associate these times with people at first, even though there are many who are happiest giving to others or spending time with others. It is important to look within first.

Make a Goal List: Find Your Essential Joys & Dreams
Continuing the exercise above, think of your day to day activities and list them. Next, think of what activities are truly beneficial to your life goals and also activities that you enjoy. They can be both career goals as well as hobbies. Then think of the people in your life that are most important to you, and that you truly enjoy being around. Then finish your list by listing how those people incorporate into your life.


Here's an example of my life goal & activities list:

1. Reading, studying and learning about Law
2. Reading books on writing, success, personal growth, literature, art
3. Writing essays, blog posts and poetry
4. Spending Time with my husband
5. Housekeeping: My house is in no way immaculate, but when things get very cluttered or dusty, it stresses me out & distracts me very much.)
6. Cooking: I try to be healthy and cooking food at home that I choose for nutritional reasons has been beneficial for the health of myself and my family)
7. Yoga for exercise and stress relief
   
8. Spending time with close friends and family
9. Volunteering/Interning with Civic Organizations

The 3 items below are life goals, but are hobbies that I believe I engage in too much that do not support my life goals. activities that I engage in that support my interests and hobbies. They are activities that I will have

1. Sewing: I will still continue to do minor tailoring to my own clothing & it is beneficial because tailored clothes look more professional. However, I sometimes spend a whole day making a new item out of old styles that I no longer like. I do not intend on becoming a designer, so making my own clothing is just time consuming at this point. Sometimes it is better to buy an item than make it because of the opportunity cost - a day's pay is more than the amount saved on an item made in a day.)
   
2. Watching documentaries: A documentary here and there or with friends is fine, but I watch too many in the recent past, which has taken me away from my work.
3. Going to museums and galleries: This does not support my life goals and it is time consuming as it takes a few hours to get in the museum, so a trip ends up taking a whole day. This will become a activity only shared as a way of spending time with my husband or friends.

 
Find the Things that Drive You in Life
Keep items that support your life goals. Making a list of all the items you own as sometimes we are not aware of what or how much we own. For everyone, the items on the list will be different. While making the list or afterwards, categorize the different functions and goals that each item supports. This will help you to more logically evaluate how much of a certain item you need. For instance, you may find that you own 30 pairs of shoes, but only 10 are businesslike or that you can wear in multiple situations. These numbers are arbitrary, and only you know what is best for your situation.

I will expand on this topic in later blog posts, and as I achieve success in this area as well.

The Greatest Skill - A Positive Attitude

I can attest to my performance in any area of life being contingent on my attitude. I am human, and I have had let criticisms and negative comments from some "friends" affect me, although I have been for most of my life, encouraging to friends. However, when it comes down to fulfillment in our life, we are ultimately responsible. So, in cases such as these, we should internally deflect these comments or defend ourselves and wait to see if the friends change this behavior. If they don't, distance yourself, and don't let them sully your attitude with their negativity. Sometimes, we also are our own spirit-dampener, whether it is because we are used to the habit of pessimism ourselves or if we are going through depression due to a rough time in our lives. However, a positive attitude is the greatest skill that we can have to make progress internally and externally in life. Comforting friends and expressing ourselves is not a bad thing. We all need that. Even criticism is not bad if the person does so with a solution to help us, and says it in a gentle way. However, people who are consistently miserable do not help themselves or the world at large. We will all have our moments, but as a whole, starting today, try to eradicate a consistently negative outlook from your own mind, and do not spread the poison of negativity. Every day is filled with gifts of life if we would only move the veils away and see clearly.

Here are some quotes that inspire me on the topic:

• Since the house is on fire, let us warm ourselves.  -Italian Proverb
• Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world.  ~Eckhart Tolle
• In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.  ~Albert Camus, Lyrical and Critical Essays
• If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one.  -Cavett Robert
• Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts.  It's what you do with what you have left.  -Hubert Humphrey
• Learn to smile at every situation.  See it as an opportunity to prove your strength and ability.  -Joe Brown
• A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone.  -Robert Frost
• Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.  ~Voltaire
• The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so; but we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitoes and silly people.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
• If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.  ~Vince Lombardi
• My riches consist not in the extent of my possessions, but in the fewness of my wants.  ~J. Brotherton
• I don't like that man.  I must get to know him better.  ~Abraham Lincoln
• I don't think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains.  ~Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl
• The best things in life are unexpected - because there were no expectations.  ~Eli Khamarov, Surviving on Planet Reebok
• Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye.  ~Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Frankenstein, 1818
• Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.  ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
• Whenever you fall, pick something up.  ~Oswald Avery
• Success is due less to ability than to zeal.  ~Charles Buxton
• You're not going to make me have a bad day.  If there's oxygen on earth and I'm breathing, it's going to be a good day.  ~Cotton Fitzsimmons
• Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time.  ~Betty Smith
• The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.  One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.  ~F. Scott Fitzgerald
• I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.  ~Mahatma Gandhi
• There's a saying among prospectors:  "Go out looking for one thing, and that's all you'll ever find."  ~Robert Flaherty
• The soul does not absorb negativity by accident, always by choice.  ~Dodinsky, www.dodinsky.com
• Being a sex symbol has to do with an attitude, not looks.  Most men think it's looks, most women know otherwise.  ~Kathleen Turner
• We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails.  ~Author Unknown
• The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong.  ~Thomas Carlyle
• We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.  ~Joseph Campbell

Tips to Let Go of Possessions

 When trying to streamline your life, many start with possessions.  It is not the goal in itself, but a means to commence the goal and get on the path of meaningfulness. This is true for me as I am especially affected by my surroundings. It is a weird catch 22 as I enjoy beautiful things, but I also crave simplicity. How then do we reconcile this? The solution is easy: keep only the things that are useful and beautiful. However, that solution is not so easy when we think of it in terms of the mental steps to get there. For instance, what if you are a person like me, who likes to see beauty in almost everything. I sometimes look at winter tree branches, all grey and bare, but I see such beauty in their form and texture. I have always been this way, so it is innate in me. I have come to realize that this is a great quality to have in appreciating art and nature, and even life experiences. However, it sometime gets in the way of my simplifying and de-cluttering. Combine that with my highly analytical mind, and I am sometimes my own obstacle. For instance, I don't keep things that are in terrible condition, but I will sometimes cut a piece of a garment and turn it into another garment. So, sometimes, if an article is damaged, I still see possibility for it, and it has resulted in my having a lot of scrap material for sewing, even though I declutter my stash annually.  I sometimes think when an item is not top rate anymore that thrift stores won't sell it, and it will just end up in the landfill, when I could just reconstruct it into a new garment.

The problem is that sewing is very time consuming, and I don't have a lot of time these days. The time that I take to make a new garment out of old ones can take hours, and I could've worked during those hours and made more money. So, I can't use the reason that I am keeping it so I won't waste money. I have also learned that it is futile to lament over money already spent and time lost time earning money that money. Then, there is the mental anguish in seeing so many items, and more time is also wasted taking care of the possessions, such as organizing them, cleaning them, and moving them when you move to a new apartment or home. The time it takes to Ebay them is not always beneficial. For instance, I sold a pair of boots recently that I purchased for $45, but sold only for $9.99 (not including shipping, although Ebay's fees consider shipping also). After Ebay fees, I only earned $8. However, it took me 20 minutes to take pictures, load on my computer and post a description. Then, I am sure that I spent about 35- 40 minutes total responding to buyer questions and checking periodically how it is doing. Then, packaging to ship, printing and taping postage, and taking it to the post office took about another 20 minutes. So, in all I would say, I spent about a minimum of 1 hour and 15 minutes to half to earn $8. If I was working, due to the fact that I have several years experience in the field, I would have made double that amount. I think that hour and a half would have been more well spent job hunting or studying for my graduate school exam. So, donating would seem to bring the highest return for my time.

I read this wonderful post that mentioned that one way to let go is to think about another person enjoying the object that you enjoy. This really struck a chord with me as the reason that I don't want to let go of some items is because they are in new or like new condition, and I still think they are lovely items. I just don't use them because they do not fit my lifestyle.

Along the lines of time vs money that I was just writing about, the joy that someone else can get out of an item is a comparative advantage to the time I spend trying to sell it and the money earned from that.

Thinking about letting go gives me immense respect for monks and yogis who abandon possessions so easily and quickly to live a monastic life. I have let go of many things in the past, and lived very simply before, but I still hesitate at times to let go at time due to living in the past and the future. I think the biggest secret to letting go is to practice living in the present. As the winter season is ending, think about what you did not use, and donate them. In the coming spring season, think about what you will actually use, and donate the rest. Someone else will be able to enjoy it, and once you let go, you will will feel even more free as you have less. In the initial letting go, I feel a little clinging and fear, but with every item that I let go, I feel the chains of the control of possessions loosen on me. Time and freedom are life's most valuable gifts.

The Balance of Structure and Individuality

Loosing Structure 

For the last few years, I believed that I disliked structure very much. However, I also noticed that without structure, such as a schedule or to do list or a plan for my days, months and years, I have drifted from job to job and not moved closer to my personal and life goals. I didn’t quite understand my aversion to structure in those last few years as when I was a paralegal, I took a great sense of pride in accomplishing things in a measured time. Even before that, from my youth to my early 20s, I was always an achiever, who planned my goals, and took steps to achieve them.

Thinking about thesee things in the last week as I feel more driven to accomplish my goal of getting into a top grad school, I realized that I need stucture to be successful. I am an INTJ, not an INTP. I also realized that the reason I have had an aversion to structure in the past few years is because I began to associate structure with people trying to control me. This is due to my previous relationship, where the person was as such, and caused me great anxiety due to his infidelities. Additionaly, it is due to my having a two jobs where I was micromanaged, and structured in by my bosses in almost everything I did. I also began to associate structure with people I saw who are successful and very structured, but who are also verymainstream in their views and behaviors, while I am somewhat unconventional.

Structure does not mean conformity

I  began to associate structure with the lack of freedom to be myself, and an invisible hand of society to conform me to the thoughts and behaviors of most people. Subconsciously, I rebelled, not in the way I rebelled as a teen, where I went goth, with black clothing, high platform boots, streaks in my hair or safety pins and staples in my clothing. How I rebelled was in abandoning the desire and need for structure in my life, and instead doing what spurred me in the moment, not planning my days in detail, and trying to be more hippiesh, and procrastinating. However, I still could not help planning myself in some ways, such as planning where I will meet my friends, checking out the directions first, deciding what I would do if I arrived early, etc. Yet to not stick to the structure and rigidity of being punctual, which I associated with my structered jobs, I would decide to do the dishes or clean the apartment before I leave, and therefore, end up leaving later than I estimated and knew I should. I rebelled by impulsively shopping, yet ironically, I would plan that I would impulsively shop, such as which store, which isle I would start with, etc. While at the store, I still sorted through my options before I make my decision. The inpulse was in purchasing things that I didn’t need more of. My need for structure then led me to continously organize, categorize and de-clutter my items.

Success requires vision and a plan

 Looking back over the last few years, I realize that I have always been successful when I have a vision, a plan, and take small action steps daily to achieve that plan. My rebellion against the structure I need has led me to seek structure in other ways, such as my environment, yet since my internal views were not congruent, even that has not stayed structured as I would like, leading to a lot of stress and wasted time organizing. I have come to understand myself that I like structure and getting things done. I don’t feel accomplished just thinking about things, and drifting aimslessly in knowledge. I like my thoughts and ideas to translate into something tangiable, into something that can be achieved, and I need closure and accomplishment. What I don’t need is structure and control under someone else’s terms. I am after all, an INTJ. I am highly independent, resourceful and I need a balance of a path/structure to follow in a job, but also enough freedom to exercise my ideas, and demonstrate and build my skills.  

Being Your Authentic Self (Self-Esteem & Self-Actualization)

It is a conundrum that I am sure humans have faced since the dawn of civilization and society: be autonomous, unique and independent OR be harmonious and confirm to certain ideals of society. Personally, I have been on both sides of the spectrum, but 80% on the side of being independent. However, it has been an extreme that has not always created balance and clarity in my life. This is because the fact is that we live in a society and have to play by certain rules and need each other to subsist. I certainly have needed people in my life, but I am very stubborn to ask for help due to not burdening others, but more so out of not wanting to give up control to anyone or my authenticity to appease others. However, the truth is that unless you live on the land, fetch your own water from streams, hunt wild animals and build a hut from forest timber, we all need people and interact with people in our day to day lives. I enjoy people and a thriving environment very much, but have been torn by the need for human contact, interaction and help.

Here's a great video about self-esteem and Self-Actualization pertaining to Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, which has to do with being the being the best version of yourself. I will post more on this topic in the future.

Balance from Letting Go of Clutter

It's a delicate balance: that of appreciating beauty and comforts of material things without becoming too attached to them.

Since I am on a budget at the moment, I have felt a pang in letting go of possessions in storage that I have unearthed since I plan on moving to a new apartment by the end of the year if all fares well. It makes absolutely no sense to lug things around that we do not love or use on a regular basis. I am not attached to these items themselves, so I don't have a problem letting them go. However, since they are good items and some very pretty, I feel bad letting them go to the trash, but feel bad donating also as I feel guilt for spending money on them. However, my husband made an important observation about opportunity cost. The time that it takes to rearrange, organize, clean, or take pictures, list, and track on eBay exceeds the value of what I could be spending my time on, such as more assertively job hunting or studying for grad school. Furthermore, on days that I am not at my best, these objects are a constant reminder of opportunities wasted and bad decisions made or decisions not thought through. They further bring me down on days when I am not motivated enough.

Extreme minimalism can be an unhealthy, cultist sort of existence, where people seem focus mainly on number of items you have (of which, I was also guilty of in my minimalism phase). However, challenging ourselves continuously to only keep things that are useful and inspiring to our present and future goals and that give value to us and our family is a wonderful balance to have. It keeps things in perspective to have things that are beautiful or that we enjoy, but not become too attached to material things that we loose sight that they are a means, but not an end.

This week, my goal is to donate anything from which I cannot sell for more than $30 on ebay (which really amounts to $20 after fees & shipping). My husband suggested that anything less than $50 should be donated, but I know eBayers are looking for an extreme bargain.

I have come to a point where looking at only a small bit of clutter makes me anxious about unfinished things and distracts my time away from my goals in terms of maintaining the items as well as my loss of energy and motivation at seeing the clutter. The past is the past as we cannot reclaim the money we have lost or spent. However, we can clear our present and aim to produce in the future.

The 100 Thing Challenge - Revamp

When people think of minimalists, they often think of extreme tree-huggers, hippies, and rugged, low maintenance people. Goths are perhaps very low on the list of immediate associations, although many goths are Pagan and believe in being touch with nature. Shortly after college, I had a 3 year stint where I was trying to live a minimalist lifestyle. I was able to achieve it because I wanted to get rid of a hideous wardrobe of boring, normal clothes I had bought for my job before. I ended up having only 150-200 clothing items, which included shoes and underclothes, and was for work and casual. I also lived in a studio in Manhattan at the time with my husband (then-boyfriend), so we did not have a lot of room, so trying to be minimalist seemed like a good idea. We also were not working at the time as we were in the job-hunting flux after college. In fact, I had to discard many of my precious books when we moved in that apartment. It was also not difficult because while I enjoy material things, I have never been overtly attached to them due to loosing loved ones early and some, tragically.

However, in time, after we moved out of the studio to a one bedroom, and I began to work, I began to feel suffocated by the limitations of minimalism. There was no place for bat necklaces and witchy shoes just for fun. Minimalism as a lifestyle is about functionality, while my black and red clothes have always been functional and uncomplicated for me, I missed the creativity of dressing and living. So, I slowy began to go away from it.

However, there were some wonderful lessons that I acquired during that time that I have forgotten a bit, such as having less stuff means less time cleaning and more time for things you truly enjoy. I have also been an mild environmentalist in terms of not eating meat (well, I cheat once in a blue), using organic products (my sensitive skin can't take chemicals anyway), and natural healing and food, so minimalism didn't cause me to do that as I was environmental before. However, my research did lead me to understand the impacts that excess has on the landfills. I did DIY fashions since I was a teen to now because I liked making things to my liking, but I did throw away clothing once in a blue. Now, I make sure I donate, even if I am not certain that they will take it. Whatever can't be sold sometimes get sent to the third world second hand market.

In any case, this long intro is to preface that I want to embark again on the challenge of getting rid of stuff I don't use. Minimalist will say get rid of all you don't need or have used in 6 months, but that is too restrictive and extreme for me. A search of the internet for minimalist blogs will show you people with 2 pairs of shoes and jeans, etc. That is too extreme in my opinion unless you are back-packing through Europe or something of the like. Attire should be both functional and fun.

One concept I came across in my research on letting things go is The 100 Thing Challenge. If you have not, it is a challenge to live on only 100 things, whereby collections, such as CDs or books count as one. So, I am also sure that many of you, like me, are inspired by the challenge, but need more than 100 things for your lifestyle and career. I know that 100 things are an arbitrary number, and there is room for warping the amount of things if you consider some a collection, such as books. I personally don't think collections should be grouped into one as I could consider my work suits or my knick knacks a collection. I do agree that shared family items should not count, though.

For those of us whose lives do not permit us to reduce or stuff to 100 things or if we simply feel that 100 things is just too limiting, I propose a new challenge. The 100 Thing Challenge to see if you can rid your life of 100 things in a week or a month. That is a good start to getting rid of some of your possessions if you don't have the space for them. If you feel ambitious, and have lots of stuff, you could even do a 100 thing challenge to get rid of 100 things every month for 3 to 6 months. I am going to start by getting rid of 100 things by the end of next week. I would like to get rid of 100 things biweekly or monthly until every single item has a proper, uncluttered place in my home. I have a little time as I am not working at the moment, though I am also busy studying for grad school. I hope to move by Fall 2012, so that gives me the incentive to start de-cluttering quickly as I don't want to spend extra money toting stuff that I don't use currently or in the near future.

Another twist on this challenge could be to have only 100 things in each category of your life, such as mentioned in this blog post.

Whichever form of the 100 thing challenge you embark on, the goal is to reduce stuff and see what you can do without. A great inspiration to begin is to think of when you are traveling, and how little you need, yet how much fun you have just experiencing life.

I think this challenge will be easy for goths in one way as our wardrobes are pretty minimalist in terms of color, but I know some of us, like myself may also have too much fun clothing and accoutrements. I will share my progress in the upcoming weeks.

Words to Inspire You

"Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left." - Hubert Humphrey

"Self-actualization refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, ...to the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming." - A.H. Maslow

Top Productivity Blogs

I don't read or follow all of these. Those that I have visited more than once are listed on my Favorite Blogs link. Many of these are super helpful and encouraging, especially when I am having a low day, and don't feel much like writing myself.

http://zenhabits.net/the-top-50-productivity-blogs-most-of-which-you-havent-heard-about/