Achieving goals starts with small feats of discipline

It has been difficult for me to balance working  and studying with the multitude of distractions presented by doing these things from home.

Let me preface the urgency of my situation. I have taken a significant pay cut and am only working part time in order to be able to study and ace the GRE. There is a lot at stake as my husband is paying most of the rent now, and it causes financial strain on him and guilt within myself because I want to contribute more. So, I am certainly not a typical person wanting to go to grad school just for kicks or because I just finished college and don't know what to do nor do I have all the time in the world or my parents supporting me financially. In fact, I have a$40,000 loan that I need to pay back, plus current utility bills (at least $300/mo in NY), my transportation and personal expenses.

However, despite this urgency, I have had an incredibly difficult time in the last 6 months trying to balance my work and study. Last year, I was even off for most of the year, studying for the LSAT, and I did not utilize the time effectively. I scored high on the prep-test (168) after only actually studying for 2 and a half months for 2 hours, 3 days a week. Still, I did not feel a sense of accomplishment because most of the week, I was reorganizing my possessions, going out with friends or reading online. I decided not to continue with the LSAT because after having a talk with my husband and a few professors, plus my experience in law, I realized that the loan of law school would be $186,000 minimum and I really wanted to teach, not be confined to practicing as a corporate lawyer. However, I would not be able to teach until I had experience in a firm for 8-10 years, and that is the requirement and also to pay off the loans.

Since I changed my focus to my real passion that I have had since I was 6 (academia, language, learning, teaching, writing, reading), but which seemed impractical as it does not pay a lot, I have felt a lot more motivation and joy when I actually study.  The LSAT was boring and a chore for me. However, despite enjoying studying for the GRE, I have not been able to study a lot or consistently because I have been reading minimalist fashion and design blogs online, reading novels, watching the History and Travel channel and reorganizing and DE-cluterring at a very slow pace, and catching up on work after procrastination on these things. I thought that perhaps my distraction was my home as it is in a state of disarray as I have brought everything out of storage in an effort to de-clutter and reduce my possessions a great deal. However, progress with that has been slow as I have indecision about discarding many things as I am not making a lot of money, and beause I feel guilty to be wasting my time de-cluttering when I should be studying or working.

On some weeks, I have decided to do my work from the hotel where my husband is staying for a temporary assignment, but I am still laden with the distractions of the internet and TV.

So, today, I decide to do a little experiment. After breakfast, I decided to do some studying in the lobby of the hotel with just my textbook and my cell phone, which has a dictionary program that I needed to use. I used to think that being around people distracted me, but I discovered that it was noise. I actually was able to focus and study intensely despite a few staff around. I did start getting distracted when some more staff came and they started getting chatty. However, even with the noise, I was able to focus more than when in the hotel room. In the hotel room, I do not have a lot of stuff, so I reliaze that it is not my possesions at home that prevent me from studying, although I want to get rid of at least half of them. My conclusion is that my biggest distractor in work and in studying is my computer due to the internet and the television.

I felt an increible boost of self confidence when I realized this and after studying for just an hour and a half. I had begun to think that perhaps I had ADD or just was not as smart or able to concentrate as I was able to in the past. I also realized that by getting a small goal accomplished through discipline, I felt more of an urge to reduce my time on the internet or watching TV, and I also felt a freedom from possesions and a desire and courage in place of the fear to reduce my possesions. This realization came as I felt so much more joy and esteem from studying and learning than I did from watching TV, being on the internet or from any of my possesions. I felt the freedom and hope that I had to succeed as I had when I was younger. I also realized that my depression has been affected from not pursing and working on my passion for a career. I have felt a shadow of myself for the last 10 years while I have been in law as I did my job well, but I kept leaving jobs as the environment was too harsh, money oriented and not intellectually stimulating and intellectually challenging for me. I felt like a failure to have the capacity and skill to do a job, but not being able to sustain emotionally in the environment. I also felt like a failure to have spent so much time trying to make it work and not going after what I really want. Since I made a decision to switch fields, I have felt a weight lift. However, only today, when I have engaged in my passion of learning have I seen the light at the end of the tunnel.

I know I have spent a lot of time describing my experience, and not a lot giving advice, but what I can sum up from this is that it is so important to challenge your habits and ways of thinking when you are trying to find your passion or make a change in your life. Try going without the internet and TV for a day and do something you really enjoy (unless it is web maintenance or something having to do with broadcasting or film). Taking small steps outside our comfort zone is the only way to experience your true, authentic self.

Journey Back to Elegant Simplicity

For someone who is a perfectionist with oneself, trying to achieve any goal satisfactory either ends up in feeling like the goal is not accomplished, but settling or giving up altogether as the ideal cannot be achieved.

While I have lived simply for a good part of my life, when I took on the formal goal during college, it took a life of it's own. I acheived a good degree of minimalism, and even had my clothing, shoes and bags combined  down to 113 items. I also brought my book collection down to less than 50 by giving away or recycling books that I would never use again, and obtaining eBook copies of ones that I would read again. However, criticism from extreme, fanatic minimalists on the web who had 20 personal items slowly broke my confidence. Criticism to a perfectionist is dreadful. I knew that I had stripped most of the excess of my items, and kept only the items that I used. I like variety and to be creative and have fun with my look, so perhaps I kept more than the extreme minimalists kept. However, all that I kept brought me joy and/or added value to my life in some way. Still, I am a consciencious person, and I did not want to look like a fake or a fraud, even though I did not feel I was one. So, in time, I slowly began to abandon my minimnalist lifestye about two years ago for several reasons: not being able to live up to the standard of being the best minimalist possible and because I fell into mild depression because my life was in a rut due to my career and lacked energy to monitor my possessions and even bought items to make myself feel better.

However, almost completely abandoning my minimalist lifestyle has made me feel so unsatisfied with myself that a few months ago, I decided to begin weeding out possessions again. In the same way that people are critical of people in the goth subculture, saying that one is not goth enough because they don't go to goth clubs, or what have you, people in the minimalist subculture will be critical. There are negative and insecure people everywhere who like to put others down to feel more special. However, when one is genuinely inclined to an interest, even with the valleys of self-doubt or setbacks, continue with interests that are genuine or authentic. I have also loved a more minimalist lifestyle for years because keeping my life simple has enabled me to focus on my true passions, such as literature, learning and creating written works.

So, although I made the decision to re-embark on more simple lifestyle again a few months ago, I am going full speed now as I can't function well with many possessions around me. Having so many things take my energy and attention, and actually make me feel more down because I am distracted from doing the things that truly bring me joy and value.

My advice to anyone embarking on a new lifestyle change - be it becoming more minimalist or even embarking on a new career- is to firstly, block out all the negative people and naysayers. Ultimately, it is your life, and no one has a right to tell you how to live. While I do not advocate being inauthentic, such as saying your're minimalist when you are really a hoarder or shopaholic, I do believe that we should all strive to be authentic and unique. We should define ourselves by ourselves and as long as we are not mocking others or their lifestyle, we are allowed to put our own spin on things.

So, in defining myself in the goal of minimalism, I would say that I aim to once again become and stay a moderate minimalist as I have been for most of my life and because I enjoy seeing the beauty in less and in the usual. I think a more appropriate term would be that I am trying to live a more simple, but still comfortable life - one of elegant simplicity as minimalism may be too restrictive a label for my tastes.

Would You Be Happy Without Friends or Possessions?

If you had no friends, no possessions or were isolated from these things for a period of time, would you still be happy?

I think that at the heart of unhappiness is unhappiness with the self.  Granted that we human are social beings, and we are phsyical beings, so we do need some social interaction and also the necessities of life, such as food, clothing and shelter. I think the things beyond the necessities of life bring us joy, such as art, music, books, and even lovely things. However, no matter how many friends we have and objects we may possess, without a healthy contentment in who we are as people, we cannot fully enjoy these things.

There are times when I have gone through periods of stress or depression, and I have purchased items, but I always knew that I am just procrastinating on facing my discomfort or discontent in a situation. Sometimes, I found that just as looking at nature's beauty brings me peace, the beauty of these objects brought me some joy. However, unlike the awe that nature inspires in me and the lessons that it teaches me, these objects soon loose their utility even in their beauty when I am struck with the reality of an apartment running out of space, money wasted or time having to care for these items. This is why I keep coming back to voluntary simplicity, and intend to stay there consistently from hereon.

However, de-cluttering or simplifying is not the entire solution to finding peace, purpose and bliss. I have seen and read a lot of films and surveys on happiness, and they often conclude that many people who have less than others are actually happier because they have a support network and a large group of friends and family. I meet people often, and I am not shy, but because I am an introvert and an HSP, I prefer to keep a small, but amazing group of friends and family. I enjoy time with them a great deal, and there is a mutual exchange of care and value,  but a part of me is well aware that I cannot rely on them for happiness or peace. In fact, after a week or several days of spending a lot of time with people, I often feel a little disconcerted and as if I need to find my center. I know that it is partly due to me being an introvert and HSP, but I also feel it is due to an existential awareness that happiness is deeper than people or things.

Happiness is not even in achievement as I know that I achieved a lot academically in my early years, but a few setbacks derailed me and made me loose confidence in my self worth as I associated it with success. I made a lot more money at my previous job than I do now, but I was still unhappy because I was not challenged and stimulated nor pursuing something creative or that I was passionate about.

From the few and wonderful moemnts and periods of bliss that I have experienced in my life, I would say that true happiness is when we are living in the moment and appreciating the moment - the good, the bad, the dark, the light - all that is around us, and when we are doing that thing that sets us afire, that comes naturally and that inspires us and is what I may dare say, we are put on this world to do. It is elusive staying in the moment or finding that thing that makes us come alive, but once you have a glimpse of it, that is what we must remind ourselves of. So, while I enjoy my family, friends and possessions, I am also had periods when I feel disconnected from others and/or disoriented with the things I own or where I am success-wise in life. These moments of inner turmoil and despair have been my teachers and reminders that I must try and keep aware of that elusive peace of the present and that driving power because nothing else has given me such pure and true peace.

DIY - Victorian goth curtain decor / Upcycling

Project: Victorian curtains
Difficulty: Medium
Time: 2 hours for a set of curtains 

I made these curtains two weeks ago, but I forgot to put the pictures of it up.

I used the linings of 2 pants for the valance and 6 yards of silver grey fabric for each curtain. I wanted a black curtain, but there is so little sunlight that gets in through our window, especially in the fall in NY, so a gauzy grey worked better.

Measure your window, cut the fabric and sew hems along both sides and the bottom. Then sew a stitch half inch from the top. Then, sew another stitch two inches away from that one or 3 inches from the top. This is to put in the curtain rod.

Now for the harder part, the valance:

Cut the lining out of a pant.

Remove all lining seams except the middle seam that joins the two pieces of cloth together.

Cut the lining into a rectangular shape. Use a ruler if necessary to get a straight fabric. Sew hems on all four corners. Then sew on tassels to it equidistant from each other.

Sew 4 rouches equidistant from each other.

Sew valance below the bottom curtain rod stitch of the grey curtain. You can see the line where the two pieces of fabric are sewn together here, but it is not noticeable when hung up. No one has noticed it, and they have complimented me on it.

Valances can be very expensive running from at least $15 up to $50 each, but they do make a difference in look as you can see. If you are on a budget like me and know how to sew and have some time, it is worth the effort to make them.

The final products.

Why Black Clothing is Versatile & Attractive

A true or blood red stirs me, such as when I see a luscious, red rose.

However, my love affair with red is not as frequent as my love affair with the color, black. I have worn and enjoyed these colors for 18 years now, and black especially is my go to color to wear or decorate with at any given moment. 

Black is by far the best color, not only loved by goths, minimalists, artists, writers, actors, priests and the French, to name a few. 

The majority of the clothing I wear is black, with the occasional dash of red, white or purple close to my face as black tends to wash me out (but which does not deter me from giving it up). Here are some of the reasons why I prefer black:

13 REASONS TO WEAR BLACK

1. It lends to an air of mystery.
   • Black is a simple, but highly complex color. Some people like to get attention from loud colors, but I think subtle attention is real attention. Personally, I am much more intrigued and attracted to a man wearing black, than one wearing color, for instance. It makes me wonder why he is so low key and not seeking attention, and makes him more intriguing. It is the same for women I meet, even just to be friends with.
2. It lends to an air of sophistication.
   • This is why the French are known to love it, why the little black dress is symbolized worldwide to be the article of clothing of elegance.Black clothing looks very elegant, even if it is just a black tshirt and jeans.
3. It matches everything.
   • This is one of my favorite ones. I can spend my time in the morning selecting lovely accessories, rather than worrying if my clothing matches. That time saved means I can have breakfast, which I have the terrible habit of skipping due to bad time management. Having only or mostly black clothing also means that you need less clothing because you don't have to worry about matching, and people don't notice as much if you wear the same item twice.
4. Easier laundry care
   • You do not have to worry about your clothes running in the laundromat if they are all the same color: black! White gets dingy after a while, and sometimes red runs in color. Even if you have a red item amongst mostly black, if it runs in the wash, it rarely shows on the black clothing.
5. Less likelihood of staining
   • I used to wear white t-shirts under black jackets, but the very day that I wore them, would be they day they got stained by pasta sauce or curry. I am not a klutz, but it seems so ironic that this always happened on the day I am wearing white or red. So, now even if I wear red, it is as an under-layer with black as the over layer or a as a bottom, such as a lovely, long red and black skirt that I have. Some of my black items do have just a trim of red lace, but they do not show stains as they are so small.
6. It is appropriate for any situation
   • Black is appropriate for work, for school, for weddings and formal occasion. I believe that at Indian weddings all black is seen as not being a festive color, although in the culture, black is also seen as the powerful color of the god Krishna and the goddess Kali. That is the only instance where I think black can be seen as inappropriate. However, the solution is easy, if you have an Indian wedding to go to, purchase a black sari with silver, gold or red decoration, or just wear a different color scarf (dupatta) with it, such as a red scarf, which is seen as good luck. Caveat, don't wear all red to an Indian or Chinese wedding as the bride usually wears that color, and white is the color of mourning in both cultures.
7. It's slimming and makes you have a nice silhouette.
8. It looks neater in your closet as well as while you are wearing it.
   • It may be personal preference, but I find that people look more put together when wearing black. Plus, in your closet, it looks very neat, and less like a cluttered mess such as when you have different colors. I am very visual and affected by colors, so it makes me calm in the morning to look into my closet and see a neat black set of clothing.
9. It lends to an air of confidence and intelligence. 
   • People wearing black always seem more refined ore intelligence to me. It evokes a confidence that one does not have to call attention to oneself or proove anything to others, which is the true measure of confidence in my opinion.
10. It is a powerful color.
    • Think of the black suit, the priest's robe, the color of the gods Krishna and Kali, etc. These are all symbols of power.
11. It is a sexy color.
    • I can't describe it, but the look of black lace or a man in a black t-shirt and jeans is incredibly sexy. It may be due to all the associations with black that I have made thus far, or black just has that effect in itself.
12. It makes me feel at home in myself.
    •  This is the whole reason that I started loving and wearing mostly black. It was not because my friends were all wearing black or because some magazine told me that black was trendy to wear. It just felt right and comfortable when I wear it, like I am sinking into my own skin.
13. It makes shopping easy and saves time. 
    • I have no worries about going through racks of clothing to find the perfect hue or item that will go with something else. My second worn color is red, and sparingly, green. However, I only like one hue in both of those colors - blood red and hunter green. There are time where I have purchased items and the color looks different in different lighting, which is very frustrating and time consuming to have to do the return process. With black, it's black in the store and black at home. Time saved.

1. Please share why you enjoy wearing black.

Reclaim Your Passion & Alievate Depression & Anxiety

I had streaks in my hair from 1996 to 2000, and then in 2008 and 2009.  Removing my streaks always coincided with my work as a paralegal because law is such a conservative field. I have missed my streaks and always felt not completely myself to have to hide to some extent who I was because of a job.

While I enjoy law a great deal and how it can benefit society, I know that I am too introverted and although I am emotionally strong, I am also a highly sensitive person, qualities that do not correlate to being involved in prosecution, human rights or environmental law as it requires a lot of activism and a very thick skin. I have been writing poetry for 20 years on and off, and wanted to be a writer when I was younger, and even started college as an English major. However, I had told my mom when I was a pre-teen and even in my teen years that I wanted to be a lawyer. I wanted to make her proud, so I stuck in the field, although I found it difficult to my psyche to subsist in such a ruthless, money driven field, even in the creative side of corporate law, trademarks and copyrights.

After a few therapy sessions, my therapist told me she found it interesting that I wanted to go to law school solely to become a law professor, and not to be a lawyer. I found out that one has to have legal practice experience as a lawyer to teach law. The prospect of having to practice corporate law to pay off law school loans of $150,000 to $180,000  it made me so anxious that I decided to re-evaluate my choice to go to law school. Therapy is a beneficial exercize, but I stopped going to the therapist after 5 sessions because she was telling me things I already knew as I am very self aware and can't afford to pay someone to tell me what I know.  I decided to take the LSAT prep test after only a month and a half of serious study 3 days a week, and I got 160. I was shocked at this because I was terrified of doing so badly on the LSAT that I put off studying for it for a whole year. I took a second pre-test to see if the first was just luck, and scored 168.  The interesting thing is that after taking test, I realized that the main reason I wanted to go to law school was to make my mom proud. I am good at English and writing, and more-so, passionate about literature and poetry, but they are not practical majors or fields where your parents can be proud of you, especially traditional parents like mine. It made me realize that as unconventional as I have been all my life, and willing to challenge what mainstream society thinks, in the area of career, I confirmed to what is expected of me because I wanted to make my mom proud as well as to be looked upon favorably by others as a success. However, in doing so, I was also stifling who I was.

I never lost my love for English. I excelled in my classes, continue to write poetry, prose and essays and read literature. I have decided to go back to this passion for literature, writing and language and study for the GRE for to get into an English MA program.

Making this decision has freed a barrier in me and to celebrate the return to my passion and myself, I have decided to redo my streaks that I gave up and have missed to pursue something other than my passion.

Penne Alla Vodka Recipe (Vegetarian, Pescetarian, Vegan)

Eating fresh food and more vegetarian options can help those who want to loose weight or those who are thin, but they want to be healthier. I am thin, but I used to get sick all the time with respiratory infections until I started eating more vegetarian. However, meals must be very balanced with vegetables and protein totaling in proportion to the carbs to loose weight or to get nutritional value.

I made Penne Alla Vodka last night, and I didn't have heavy cream, so I substituted shredded vegan cheese as soy or rice milk would not be creamy enough. You can also use shredded cow's milk cheese if you are a lacto-ovo vegetarian. I am a pescetarian, meaning that I still eat some seafood, such as mollusks and shellfish, and occasionally fish. I was a lacto-vegetarian before, but I got very anemic (black and blues all over my body) because I am susceptible to it as I was born anemic. I made a whole pot for the rest of the week. If you have time, it is a good idea to make tomato sauce from scratch and freeze it as all natural is always better as well as use fresh shrimp and clams. However, I was out of tomatoes and too hungry to go to the grocery store and deal with the lines.

Total time (preparation + cooking): 25-35 minutes
Cooking level: Easy
Total servings: 8 servings equivalent to 2 cups of cooked pasta each

Ingredients

• 1 4 oz.can Snow's chopped clams in their own juice (reserve juice)
• 1 10 oz. can Geisha whole baby clams (discard juice as it is mostly salt water)
• 1 4 oz Bumblebee's baby shrimp
• Vegan alternative: 2 links Tofurkey or 1 can of mock duck in place of clams or shrimp
• 1 28 oz can Tuttorosso crushed Tomatoes (4 fresh chopped tomatoes preferred, but I ran out)
• 1 14 oz can Dole stewed tomatoes (A 6 oz can of tomato paste is  preferred)
• 6 cloves garlic, chopped
• 2 medium carrots, shredded (frozen carrots is fine as they retain the nutrients)
  
• 1 small bunch of broccoli (frozen broccoli is fine as they retain the nutrients)
  
• 1 lb whole wheat penne
• 1/1 lb semolina penne (you may omit and use all whole wheat, but I ran out)
• 1 hot red cherry pepper, crushed (red pepper flakes also good)
• 1/4 cup Vodka (the cheapest Vodka you can find will do)
• Vegan or Cow's milk cheese (1 inch x 2 inches x 2 inches), shredded
• 1 tbs fresh minced basil (I keep my herbs in the freezer to keep them fresh and readily available.)
• 1/2 tbs fresh thyme
• 1/2 tbs fresh oregano
• 1/4 tsp sea salt, or to taste
• 1/4 tsp fresh peppercorns, grated, or to taste 
  

Cooking Directions

1. Put a pot of water to boil.
2. On medium heat, fry garlic in 2 tbsp of olive oil until lightly browned. Add crushed red pepper and saute another 30 seconds.
3. Vegans: slice Tofurkey or mock chicken and fry for 5 minutes. Skip steps 4 and 9.
4. Add clam juice
5. Lower heat and add vodka
6. Add broccoli and shred carrots with a potato peeler and add as you go. I do this to save time on preparation and to eliminate too many dishes to wash.
7. Simmer for 1 minute, then add crushed and stewed tomatoes.
8. Add thyme, basil and oregano. They wilt too fast and loose flavor if you add them too early.
9. Add salt to taste and grate black peppercorns on top to taste.
10. Add clams and shrimp. 
11. At this time, your pasta water should be boiling, so add pasta and a dash of salt.
12. Simmer on low heat for 10 minutes. 
13. Remove pasta and drain in a colander.
14. Turn off the sauce. Plate pasta and add sauce on top. Bon apetit.

OCD Perfectionism & Criticism

I desire perfectionism - it is not due to ego or society, but because I just prefer and enjoy seeing a perfectly organized closet or a perfectly punctuated/written piece of work. However, I cannot be perfect in everything or even half of the things I want to be so because I just don't have the time and energy to achieve that, and this causes me a lot of issues because I have had OCD perfectionism for as long as I can remember. As a child, I was highly functioning, so it aided me in some ways, but as I became socialized in my pre-teens, it started slowly to become maladaptive perfectionism as I became aware of the expectations of others and also aware that I didn't always fit in or relate to people 100% or as much as others seemed to relate. The other thing that I struggle with is moderate, chronic depression, which is why on some days, I am not at my best and just don't have the energy to get get things done perfectly or to my standards. This, then often leads me to not doing anything at all by procrastinating and doing more distracting and less stressful things, such as surfing the web, reading non-related books than my studies, etc. In the end, though, it makes me feel more depressed to not have worked towards my goals. One other thing I struggle with is social anxiety. I am certain that many people with OCD perfectionism struggle with this as well. We desire to portray a perfect image to the world or to play the perfect role in whatever situation, and since we are already hard on ourselves due to perfectionism, any criticism hits us 100 times harder than it does someone without OCD. Sometimes people may not even be critical, but we feel we falter on how we should be in a certain role.

For instance, I have social skills and am not an awkward person, but I am also an introvert. I turn on the outgoing switch when the time and situation calls for it, and I think I do well enough with it as I make acquaintances easily. However, doing it daily or even a few times a week is absolutely exhausting for me. I sometimes feel guilty for seeing friends and family only once every week or two weeks. I am not working now, so I have the time, and although I love my friends and family and enjoy seeing them, I really just want to be alone most of the time. To add to that, sometimes my depression will act up, and I do not want to interact with people, except for my husband who sees me and accepts me and is rarely critical. (My husband is not goth, but his normalcy gives me a sense of balance, which is something I need  with these issues.) So, I will avoid going outside for days at a time and even put off errands and chores because I feel guilty for being in society and not engaging in it by small talk or polite greeting. However, due to my OCD, I feel guilty to do this or not to see friends and family because I feel like I am not fulfilling my role as polite member of society, daughter, sister, friend, employee, acquaintance, even member of the goth community (since I don't like clubs and rarely go to shows), etc. For friends, family members and bosses/colleagues who can be critical, but who I am sure mean no real harm to me, I sometimes dread talking to them or hanging out with them, even though I love them because I get anxious about possible judgment, expectation and criticism when I don't do what they want or see fit. I have even projected and judged them in return and thought that they are negative people, so I will not hang with them. However, although they might have some judge-mental tendencies, they are not blatantly offensive, and I do want them in my life, and with some, I have to deal with for work, so I have to work on not letting the standards and criticisms of others add to my already too high and unforgiving standards that I have on myself.

My advice to those who struggle with the same things as I do is to try to be mindful if criticisms are your own or that of others. It is really important to build self esteem and a personal value system, so you are not affected by the words or expectation of others. No matter what someone thinks and say to you, even if you have to grin and bear it to get on in your family or at your job, please practice trying to not let it penetrate to your self worth. I have done that in the past, and small criticisms added up and became so debilitating that I quit several very good job that I now regret leaving, especially now that the paralegal market is so slow and because I really did enjoy working with my boss and colleagues. I just let the criticism that anyone experiences in any job affect me. It was due to my desire to be perfect, so if anyone saw imperfection in me, I took it really hard, and rather than deal with the issue, my defense mechanism was avoidance and to run/quit. Sometimes we just don't want to let people down, but we really can't please everyone all the time. However, all these experiences, as painful and regretful as they are now, has led me to have no choice but to accept that my OCD perfectionism is a problem that cannot be ignored and that has to be worked on continuously, and maybe even for the rest of my life, since it is genetic as well as from my pre-teen upbringing to now.

Remember to be kind to yourself and not too critical. People with OCD perfectionism and depression are their own worse enemies, and that is why the criticism from others becomes unbearable. However, realize that your intense emotional (hidden, not displayed often in my case) to the criticism of others is because you are not forgiving on yourself. Taking it on yourself easy does not mean inertia as that will make the OCD and depression worse. Being kind to yourself means getting up after each bout or fall, small or large, and not determining your self worth by results. Many people with depression and OCD are kind and gentle people to others, but not to ourselves. I consistently have to remind myself that I would not be so unforgiving on a friend if she made a mistake or didn't perform well enough. I still struggle with it, but I think it will get better with consistent practice. Lack of consistency and structure has been my downfall. However, it is never too late to get better or improve, even little by little. Babies fall numerous times a day, and we still love them just the same and encourage them on. Begin the practice of nurturing yourself in the same way.

Therapy & Personality Disorders (Batfit Health Challenge)

Le Professeur Gothique asked for a Batfit Challenge assessment recently. While I did not start the challenge six months ago at it's original juncture, I would like to now as I am periodically and continuously seeking to improve, although I lack consistency. It got me thinking about mental health, and my current and past state, and how I have grown as well as how I can improve.

We don't live in a perfect world, and many try to avoid the negative in life by running from it or avoiding it. One thing I have found common in many goths (though not all as nothing is absolute) of all genres and backgrounds is the willingness to face themselves head on and look at both the good and the bad in life as well as themselves. I think that it takes courage for anyone regardless of what group or subculture they are in to look at themselves and want to understand, change and improve.

I know that many people are inherently goth from their natural tastes and dispositions. At least, I know I am that way. Concurrently, many goths are highly sensitive persons (HSP), introverted or struggling with depression or another personality disorder. It is just the cards dealt by biology or behavioral environment. The same occurs for mainstream society. I don't feel that goths are obsessed with suicide, dying or death like the common misconception of those not in the subculture. Goths just choose to explore death and depression if they are depressed, rather than run from it. I know that like many people with depression, goths or mainstream, some probably have thought about or attempted suicide, but for many thankfully, it is a learning experience. I have had depression for a number of years and OCD perfectionism, and did not come into the goth subculture because of it. I was already predisposed to darker tastes and interested in darker literature as a result of these issues.  I don't like to talk about it with random people nor do I like to bring it up too much because I feel selfish to dominate a conversation with my issues, but it's great to know that I can talk about it without feeling judged, and actually feel understood as I find many goths have a deeper understanding of things.

Below is a listing of personality disorders. I list them because I think the first step to helping oneself is to recognize some traits that you have that may be affecting your life and your functioning. Recognizing those traits is the first step to improving oneself. If your symptoms and habits are drastically affecting your life, please seek medical attention in the form of psychotherapy or medication on the advice of a psychiatrist. If you are not completely sure what your issues are, a psychologist or psychiatrist can help clarify things and also lead you into cognitive behavioral therapy. Even if you understand yourself, it can be difficult to change if you are not very vigilant and aware of your detrimental thoughts and emotions. I have been employing my own methods of self-help for years for my OCD and depression, but they are not always fool-proof, especially in stressful times, so I might try therapy also. I usually employ the techniques of mindfulness, pranayama yogic breathing, yoga, write poetry and journal to help myself. Sometimes, though, even with awareness, we need a therapist to help uncover and change underlying negative attitudes and behaviors, so I believe I will visit a therapist in the future to see if it is helpful to uncover and change negative self view as well as clarify other things. One thing that I would like to clarify myself is that while I am not shy and don't mind speaking in public, I am very sensitive to criticism or fear being judged only by people I respect or value, such as close friends, close family or authority figures (bosses, professors, etc.), but not strangers as much. On some days, I also dislike small talk with strangers or people I am not close to or just want to be alone away from everyone, so I will avoid going to shops where I generally chit chat with the owners. However, I would not call it a fear of people, even in those days. I think these things fall in the line of depression, OCD, social anxiety or avoidance personality disorder, but sometimes I can't put my finger on if the feeling causes the behavior or if the behavior/situation causes the feeling. This is something a therapist would be able to give me a more objective view on.

In regards to therapy, I believe that going to a trained psychologist or psychiatrist, rather than a therapist with little educational background. It is also a good idea to get a therapist trained in your issue area, if you are aware of it on some level. I am a very private person (ironic because I am blogging about issues here, but I do so to help others), so I want to make sure that the person I am opening up to on deep issues is not trained, and that I will not have to go to multiple people to find someone who understands my issues. Psychologists and psychiatrists have clinical training as well as educational training and have confidentiality and ethical codes that they follow. Therapy can be very expensive, so you should expect good quality service as well. Here is a link to find a therapist in your area. You can filter by training type, gender, specialty, and more.

Summary of the Personality Disorders

Schizothymic

Hyperesthetic

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder
 
Perfectionism; inflexibility; correctness; self-righteousness; authoritarianism; workaholism; indecisiveness; overconscientiousness; scrupulousness; restricted expression of affection; parsimony; obstinacy; orderliness; hoarding. 

 

Avoidant Personality Disorder
Social discomfort; fear of negative evaluation; timidity; sensitivity to criticism and disapproval; introversion; social anxiety; fear of embarrassment; fear of rejection; social isolation; yearning for affection and acceptance. 

Paranoid Personality Disorder
Distrust; suspiciousness; expectations of being exploited; questioning the loyalty of friends; reading hidden demeaning and threatening meanings into benign remarks or events; bearing grudges; being easily slighted; questioning the fidelity of spouse. 

Histrionic Personality Disorder
Excessive emotionality and attention-seeking; dependence upon reassurance, approval, and praise; sexual seductiveness; overconcern with physical attractiveness; emotional exaggeration and shallow expression of emotions; self-centeredness; strong drive for immediate gratification of desires; impressionistic speech.

Anesthetic

Sadistic Personality Disorder
Cruel, demeaning, aggressive behavior; physical cruelty; dominance; humiliating people in public; harshly disciplining those under their control; pleasure in harming or inflicting pain; intimidation; restricting the autonomy of others; fascination with violence, weapons, martial arts, injury, or torture. 

Schizotypal Personality Disorder
Deficits in interpersonal relatedness; peculiarities of ideation, appearance, and behavior; ideas of reference; excessive social anxiety; odd beliefs or magical thinking; unusual perceptual experiences; odd, eccentric behavior or appearance; having no close friends or confidants; odd speech; inappropriate or constricted affect; suspiciousness or paranoid ideation. 

Compensatory Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Low self-esteem; pseudo-confidence; exhibitionism; pretentiousness; constant striving for prestige; intellectual narcissism; delusions of superiority; deceitfulness; manipulativeness; cynicism; confidence games; idealized object representations; defense mechanism of externalization; fragmentation of the self, feelings of emptiness and deadness; proud, hubristic temperament; megalomania; hypochondriasis; impulsiveness; substance abuse; self-destructiveness. 

Schizoid Personality Disorder
Indifference to social relationships; restricted range of emotional experience and expression; avoiding close relationships; always choosing solitary activities; phlegmatic temperament; rarely experiencing strong emotions; avoiding sexual experiences; indifference to praise and criticism; having no close friends or confidants; constricted affect: aloofness, coldness, and little reciprocation of gestures or facial expressions.

Cyclothymic

Depressive

Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder
Passive resistance to demands for adequate social and occupational performance; procrastination; sulkiness, irritability, and argumentativeness when asked to do something; working deliberately slowly or doing a bad job; unjustified protests that others make unreasonable demands; claims to have "forgotten" obligations; rating own job performance much higher than others do; resenting useful suggestions; obstructing others by not doing own job; criticizing and scorning those in authority. 

Depressive Personality Disorder
Depressive cognition and behavior; dejection, gloominess, cheerlessness, joylessness, unhappiness; low self-esteem; beliefs of inadequacy and worthlessness; criticism, blaming, and derogation of self; brooding and worry; negativism, criticism, and judging of others; pessimism; remorsefulness and guilt feelings.

Masochistic Personality Disorder
Self-defeating behavior; undermining or avoidance of pleasurable experiences; involvement in situations and experiences which bring suffering; rejection or prevention of help from others; entering into relationships which bring disappointment, failure, and mistreatment; depression, guilt, and accidents in reaction to positive personal events; provocation of angry and rejecting responses from others; failure to accomplish tasks crucial to self-interest; rejection of those who treat them well; excessive, unsolicited self-sacrifice. 

Dependent Personality Disorder
Dependent and submissive behavior; excessive dependence upon advice and reassurance; allowing others to make important personal decisions; agreeing with others to avoid being rejected; lack of initiative; doing unpleasant and demeaning tasks for the sake of acceptance; feelings of helplessness when alone; feelings of devastation and helplessness when relationships end; being easily hurt by criticism and disapproval.

Hypomanic

Narcissistic Personality Disorder
High self-esteem; grandiosity; lack of empathy; an arrogant, haughty attitude; interpersonal exploitation; grandiose sense of self-importance; exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements; conviction of uniqueness, specialness; belief that they can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions); fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love; sense of entitlement; requiring constant attention and admiration; feelings of envy, believes that others are envious. 

Antisocial Personality Disorder
Irresponsible, antisocial behavior; failure to honor financial obligations; failure to be a responsible parent; failure to plan ahead; inability to sustain consistent work behavior; failure to conform to social norms; antisocial acts that are grounds for arrest, e.g., destroying property, harassing others, stealing, or having an illegal occupation; irritability and aggression; reckless behavior without regard to personal safety; promiscuity; callousness and lack of remorse; inability to tolerate boredom; depression; beliefs that others are hostile to them; incapacity for close, lasting relationships. 

Borderline Personality Disorder
Instability of mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image; alternation between extremes of overidealization and devaluation in relationships; impulsiveness in spending, sex, substance use, shoplifting, reckless driving, or binge eating; affective instability; inappropriate, intense anger or lack of control of anger; suicidal threats, gestures, or behavior; self-mutilation; identity disturbance; feelings of emptiness or boredom; frantic efforts to avoid abandonment.

Cyclothymic Personality Disorder
Periodic, extreme shifts in mood and behavior, e.g., from insomnia or hypersomnia to decreased need for sleep; from low energy or chronic fatigue to more energy than usual; from feelings of inadequacy to inflated self-esteem; from decreased effectiveness to increased productivity; from decreased attention, concentration, or ability to think clearly to sharpened and unusually creative thinking; from social withdrawal to uninhibited people seeking; from loss of interest in sex to hypersexuality; from reduction in pleasurable activities to excessive involvement in them; from timidity to physical recklessness; from being less talkative than usual to being extremely talkative; from pessimistic attitude to an overly optimistic one; from tearfulness or crying to inappropriate laughing, joking, and punning.

Summarized from: American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 3rd ed.(1980), 3rd ed., Rev.(1987), 4th ed.(1994). Washington: American Psychiatric Association. 

source: http://www.ptypes.com/summary.html

Psychological Implications of Clutter

Many times we hoard items because it gives us a sense of security. A guest on Oprah noted that many people keep things and develop clutter because they fear the future, or for other psychological reasons. Although I don’t believe I am a compulsive hoarder, it would be advisable that readers take a look at this link if they have a problem with clutter and hoarding.

We can all relate to some of these items in some manner, but the most important thing is to not let yourself slip too much if you do slip. I notice that I always buy stuff or keep stuff to alleviate boredom and take my mind off stress or insecurity about the future. I started  buying items after I got a job because I was not able to without feeling guilty to when I was not working,  and I indulged now that I got a job.

I have reorganized every week or two, but reorganizing is not enough because the clutter returns. At first, I thought it is because I don’t have enough time to clean as before and that I don’t put things in their rightful places because I am sometimes in a rush.
I am admitting to myself that I simply have too much stuff still. This has included 6 packets of  index cards and index card boxes, folders, a rainboot, 2 baking pans, 4 cardigans for winter, 4 sweaters and 4 summer cardigans and 3 suit jackets that were unnecesary as I have enough clothing, but that I thought would be work appropriate.  Since I brought several items in, I need to donate several items of clothing that I worn less than 5 times, but that I hold on to because they are good quality.

Papers, namely magazines and books have also piled up. Feeling terrible due to sustainability issues, I refused to throw magazines out until I read them, and there aren’t any places I can donate them in my area.  Luckily, my subscriptions have expired, and I have been reading and recycling some, so there are about 10 only that I have to scan and recycle now. My books are another story because I bought many in certain times in my life that will offer beneficial advice for my well being as well as for my interest in literature. The solution here is that I am going to read the ones that I want to read the most, as opposed to my strategy of saving them for last, and after I have read them all, to purchase a ebook reader and only buy ebooks from hereon. I love books, but I am not settled in life, and don’t want to be too attached to any home, so a ebook reader, though pricey at $300 and above will save me alot of time and space.  I will only purchase paper books that I really want to read and that are not in ebook format.

I watched a movie called Mongul about the life of Ghengis Khan, and the rusticness and nomadicness of life back then really appealed to me, though not the violence. It always makes me appreciate my life, and make me feel happiess when I live as simply and with as few items as possible. Having too many items lures us into a false sense of security especially when you may feel you do not have control in your life in some areas, or are unsatisfied in some areas. However, it actually does not alleviate those feelings, but adds  more fuel to it because many possessions make you loose your control of what is important to you as you are bombarded with so many items. It also takes away from your time as you have to care for, clean and some even subconciously worry about loosing stuff. Make sure that security is in yourself and your life, not in your possessions.

Let Possessions Go = Embrace the Present Self

I have had the guilt over letting go of possessions because I have more than I honestly need and use. Being that I am not working at the moment, I have had some pangs of hesitation to letting go lately, that is not very common for me. It is due to the guilt of money wasted and loosing money when I am not bringing in any income at the moment.

I have listed many items on Ebay, but have either not had sales because people want it dirt cheap. Ebay also high seller insertion fees and final value fees, so the few I have sold have only resulted in about $8 per item for items that were new and valued at least $50 each. I have also had the headache of some buyers not paying and having to initiate a dispute or wanting to return items because they change their mind. I do not get reimbursed for the insertion fees or shipping fees if the buyer returns the item. So, unless there is an item that you can make at least $30 selling, it is not worth it. Consequently, only name high end brand items sell for at least $30. My H&M clothes have not resulted in sales. The time to prepare the item and wait in the post office to ship it does not seem to be worth the $5 net that I make on lower end brand items. Consignment shops only usually give $5 to $10 even for high end items.

I have never hesitated to donate in the past, but there are only two charities that pick up, and I don't have a car to take items to legitimate charities. The two charities that pick up are not well known charities, and I have seen people selling used clothing in Chinatown and other areas, so I am not sure if these charities are legitimate, as research on the internet have not given much detail than a simple website that anyone can make. Since I purchased my items with my hard earned money, I want them to be used to legitimately help others.

However, I have come to a new conclusion today that we can't control certain things, especially the actions of others. When we give money to a homeless person, we cannot be sure that he will use the money for food rather than for alcohol or drugs. We hope that he will use it for food, but we really don't know, do we? My choice with this issue has been to give homeless people only food, and not money. However, with our clothing donations, we can't be sure that the charities are selling the items and using it to help the less fortunate, rather than for their own pockets.

I have accumulated a pile of items as I have lost weight since going back to being a vegetarian a year ago. Many of my items don't fit and cannot be altered and some items cause skin allergies (such as wool and cashmere). While I have donated much in the past, I have held onto good quality items, such as name brand items, items made of wool or cashmere and new shoes or shoes worn just a few times, but are now very tight on me. (My feet have gotten wider as I walk a lot these days, so I have to wear a 6 wide width to 6.5. I can no longer wear my size 5 1/2 or regular size 6 shoes). I have held onto these items, even though I purchased new items to fit me appropriately now because I hoped to sell them on eBay, but deep inside I knew it was not worth the effort, especially when even some of my name brand items didn't sell. I have held on to these items because of guilt and inability to let go of the past, and fear of the future and what I cannot control.

I feel guilt because I am not working and the items discarded are a symbol of the time I worked to earn money to buy the item. I also feel guilt for enjoying shopping for these items, thinking it will bring joy to me, when that joy lasted for only a short time.  I feel fear of the future because my mother's constant about not throwing things away because you may need them someday and not have money has made me fearful of not having enough in the future. I have kept many items that didn't sell with the thought that I can refashion clothing into new clothing, but I don't need anymore, so it makes no sense other than adding to the clutter.

Yet today, I am doing a big overhaul and letting go of these chains of guilt and fear. I purchased some of the items in times of pain and uneasiness due to tragedy and feeling down. Keeping items that remind me of that and make me feel guilty for going against my nature and knowledge that objects don't bring peace only make me feel worse in this moment. The reason for the purchase, the time and money spent are now all the past. I cannot get the time or money back, and that is fine. The awareness and lessons from mistakes are jewels of the present that I can apply in the present and not make the same mistakes again. The fear of the future is unfounded. I am not an invalid nor an unintelligent or lazy person. Although I am studying for grad school now, and not working, I will work in the future. Although I don't have extensive long term experiences at jobs, I have managed to get jobs in the past, and at each job, I was valued for my hard work, intelligence, resourcefulness and desire to do well and be efficient.

The fear of not being able to make money or not having enough is not because I crave material things for comfort, but because I am allowing the fears and words of others in society to affect my own view of myself and my capabilities. Not working, worrying about the future, and reflecting about the mistakes of the past diminishes the self esteem and is dis-empowering.

Letting go of things that hold you back, be they ideas, frames of thinking or possessions is a way of empowering yourself because you are challenging the things that cause fear, anxiety or guilt in you. While we cannot control the future or the actions of others, including charities, we can control ourselves and how we view life and ourselves. We can view ourselves as strong and adaptive, or flawed, fearful or always making mistakes.

Holding on to possessions with the hope of one day selling on ebay, while they pile up and cause us  to waste time re-arranging, cleaning and feeling guilty about only makes us  feel a loss of energy. While we may have indeed wasted money by buying these items, and not using them and now donating them, we do not have to wallow in mistakes and bad choices forever. We can take this as an opportunity for strength  to overcome the past, live solely in the present and take actions for a more fruitful future.

So, today if you are trying to reduce your possessions, take a deep breath and let go of the attachment to the past, to attitudes you have held on to, to guilt and to the possessions. Don't look at the possessions and create stories in your mind or lament over the feelings associated with them. Don't let yourself feel the overwhelming feelings of guilt and fear, but feel the emotions of the the beginning of a freer, less attached you, that lives only in the present. Take that donation box, and just ruthlessly put in the items that you have not used in the last few months or that do not give value to who you are now and who you want to be. Let go, welcome change and embrace today.

Moderation for Progress

I have a high respect for people who are minimalist due to the sheer discipline. However, I have found that some people believe that doing so makes you automatically a successful and self fulfilled person. I was a minimalist to some extent for most of my life in that I had only clothing and items I used, except for my large library of books. In my mid twenties, I shopped a lot, trying to fit an image that friends said I needed in the corporate world. However, unlike before, many of the items I had were not really "me", but others style that they oppressed on me. So, in the last 4 years, I went on an extreme spin to be a minimalist. It was great to challenge myself to see how much I can live without. Yet, I don't feel that I moved much towards achieving success in life due to it. I enjoy material things, but was never attached to them nor did I ever have the mistaken belief that I would find happiness purely by obtaining stuff. However, the minimalist goals of living close to the land, living with less stuff, shopping less and finding more time for friends and family did not fulfill me in themselves. I have always seen family as important, and other than school loans, I have never been in debt over purchasing items. I don't believe in having stuff you don't use, nor buying stuff you don't use, though I have certainly had my mishaps. I also don't believe in rampant consumerism for the sake of it or for the false believe that it will fulfill you. Doing without is refreshing and freeing, but having also can create joy and comfort. Therefore, I find moderation, not minimalism or extreme materialism is a better way.

What struck me about many minimalists is that they are so extreme. Some harped at me for owning 20 pairs of shoes when I work in the corporate legal field and live in NYC where our streets are not forgiving on shoes, and where we have 4 seasons.

People seem to have categories of minimalism now, such as extreme minimalist or moderate minimalist, but these are highly arbitrary. You are either a minimalist (obsessed with reducing possessions & living with less), an materialist/extremist (obsessed with gaining material possessions) or a moderate. I think most people fall into the category of being moderate, and with anything in life, moderation may be be the best in most things. I personally do not consider myself a minimalist or a materialist, but rather a moderate.

I am not obsessed with material things, but I have no desire to be so strict on myself that I cannot enjoy a small shopping trip now and then. I donate regularly, so I am not so attached to things that I am not letting them go. While I have had guilt at wasting money on purchases that didn't fit into my lifestyle in the past, it was a valuable lesson learned, and one that I remember to not commit. I make time for friends and family, and know that they are a great treasure. However, I am aware that my peace and self fulfillment is most important as if I don't have those, I am not as pleasant, encouraging and kind as I could be. So, yes, I do want to move up in life. I have career goals that I want to achieve. I would like to live a comfortable life. However, I also have big dreams to help others if I am blessed enough to achieve wealth. My reasons for attaining career success are 1) to be self fulfilled and reach my highest potential, 2) to be self sufficient so I am not a burden or expense on my family and to build a life with my husband, and 3) to give back to my close family, close friends and society. They are all equally important goals to me. In being self fulfilled, I like to have nice things and enjoy beauty. It is not a need per se, but something that makes me happy to reward myself for my hard work.

So, extreme minimalists may not agree and look down. I know some who are not working or are just happy being where they are in life, just living on a small budget and hanging out with friends and family in most of their time. That may make them happy, and that is fine. I personally think contentment is commendable. However, as much as I love people and my loved ones, having goals and challenging myself to achieve is also integral to my happiness. So, to each his own.

Green Ideas fo Health & Productivity

Limiting the things that I bring into my home and simplifying my chores gives me more time to do what I really enjoy. I find that using environmentally friendly products are better for my health and for the environment. Here are some products and practices that I employ that makes my life a little bit easier.


SKIN CARE

Use natural skin care products. It is better for the environment and your skin. Coincidentally, most natural products have fewer ingredients than other products. Look for those with the least ingredients and with no preservatives. If you don’t use face makeup (powder, foundation, concealer, blush, etc.), steaming your face with a soft wash cloth and boiling water should be sufficient. If you run out of natural products or can’t find them near your neighborhood, products for extremely sensitive skin, such as Cephatil or Eucerin, also have fewer ingredients.

HOUSE CLEANING

Baking soda and vinegar are miracle house cleaners, which were used before cleaners were mass marketed. You can use them to deodorize, clean stoves, counter tops, tubs, sinks, etc. Check this site for recipes/idea. I use baking soda to clean pots and pans, and soak dishes in baking soda and minimal water to loosen grease and food, but I am looking for an alternative to liquid soap to wash dishes. Any ideas?

LAUNDRY/DRY CLEANING

For delicate materials, such as silk, cashmere and merino wool (which encompass half of my wardrobe due to my sensitive skin), you can just use clear, cheap shampoo, like Suave, White Rain or Tresemme to hand wash them in lukewarm water. This saves money on the cleaners and protects the environment because dry cleaning solvents are dangerous for the environment and also bad for your clothing because they break down fabrics. If you have a stain, try to treat it right away with a little hot water and undyed soap. Then you can just steam the fabric when you get home. Steaming is also a good alternative to dry cleaning if your aim is just to freshen your clothing after a wear of two until you are ready to wash it with gentle shampoo.

PERIODICALS

I have done away with all my magazine subscriptions, except one for husband's reading in the bathroom. lol. Sorry for being explicit. You can read most of the information on online versions of most newspapers and magazines. If you want premium content, most major newspapers and magazine offer online subscriptions now, but I advise not to complicate your life by doing so unless you need premium content for your job. Also, ask retailers to remove you from their mailing if you can so you don’t get catalogs and junk mail. When you do get catalogs or junk mail, recycle right away rather than letting them pile up. Don’t bother looking through them to browse unless there was something you were looking for previously.

I have also scanned some of my old magazines into the computer to save spaces, such as my copies of Gothic Beauty, Propaganda and Victorian Goth Garden Magazine and articles from Yoga Journal.

BOOKS

I love the tactile-ness of books, but have only purchased a few books this entire year, since my husband bought me a Kindle Fire. I used to go on compulsive bookstore shopping at Strands and Barnes & Nobles. I still have held on to books not in eBook format, such as a few goth culture books, historical books on witchcraft and vampires, my collection of Poe and Lovecraft stories and my law books. However, all else have been replaced via eBook if the copyright has been expired, such as classics, like Wuthering Heights, and some of my psychology books. This saves so much time and space, and it looks so much like a book that the first few weeks of using it, I would reach for the edge as if turning a page. It is a little pricey, though cheaper than the Kindle, even though it was the first innovator of EBook technology. It is worth the price though in convenience and portability for your back, and think of how much you would save if you had to move all those books. Not to mention that it saves trees. All the classics are available in eBook format, and many current books are being produced as in eBook format (pdf) also. You can download classics, where copyrights have been expired, for free from Project Gutenberg and read in pdf format on the reader. These days, I only buy regular books if I really need them and cannot find it in a store. I also encourage supporting smaller booksellers when possible.

HOUSEKEEPING

Housecleaning takes up a lot of time if you have a lot of possessions, so the first thing that I recommend is clear out anything you have not used in the past year. This includes kitchen gadgets, office supplies, magazines, old video games and toys if you have children, etc., most of which can be donated to thrift stores. I also recommend getting rid of excess bins and containers because although they are marketed to keep clutter under control, they also keep you unaware of all the things that you actually own. The plastic in bins are also bad for the environment. I keep all kitchen items in accessible cupboards so they can be used regularly rather than stored somewhere. For two people who don’t usually entertain more than 4 people at a time, 6 forks, 6 knives, 6 spoons, 6 plates, 6 bowls and 6 glasses are sufficient. A lot of people have way too many house wares that they rarely or never use. We used to have only 2 of each, but since we like to have a few friends over instead of spending a lot of money dining out all the time, we bought a few more items, but not more than needed.

CLOTHING 

I have said a lot about minimizing clothes in my other posts, since as a female that was my biggest area I had to minimize when I started this journey. I have to emphasize that I do not recommend storing clothes, shoes or coats where you cannot see them because you will not be aware of how much you actually have. I keep all my clothes hung up and shoes on wood shelves and in wood baskets. At the end of the season, I wash or steam all my clothing and put them in clear, reusable suit bags. I hate using plastic, but this makes it easier to see the items that I have in the event that I need an off season item and also to keep inventory of all that I have. Shoes that I am currently using go on a wood shelf near the door, and those not in use are in wooden baskets in the bottom of my closet.

FOOD

I am not a strict vegetarian, but try to eat meat and fish as little as possible, and I eat no red meat. I used to be a strict vegetarian, but as I am anemic, I got very sick, and my doctor recommended that I eat a little more protein. So I eat fish and seafood 2 to 3 times a week, and once in a blue when I visit my in-laws home, I eat chicken or pork if there is nothing else because I do not want to inconvenience them, but that is rare. That said, I try to eat simple, vegetarian food most of the time. It is better for the environment because of all the emissions and food required to maintain the food industry and for your health as studies have shown that communities that do not eat meat live longer. See the Cornell China Study, and the Oprah’s episode on centenarian (person who is at least 100 years old) populations around the world.  I walk with vegetarian snacks, like Kashi cereal, dried fruits, etc., so if I am hungry and cannot find a vegetarian friendly menu or if it is too expensive such as in New York, I have sustenance to hold me out until I get home.  I do my best not to eat chocolate, processed food or excess sugar, though I do have a fruit filled cookie or make flan or other desserts. I try to make deserts at home because there are no or less preservatives and less sugar than store bought items.

Determine what Fullfills You & Get Rid of the Rest

I have thought about on and off for the past few years about how material things affect our lives. I even went on  a minimalist lifestyle at one point, and discarded/donated many of my books and clothing, and acquired a large blog following on the subject. However, my life goals and lifestyle do not permit me to be minimalist.

My experience is as a paralegal, and intend to stay in the legal field because I enjoy it very much. In this field, what comes with the territory is that your appearance does affect your credibility. If I only have 5 suits that I wear all the time, my bosses and clients will surely notice. Not to mention, there is a definite psychological effect of being put together and dressing appropriately and businesslike. I am not into trends or accumulating items for the sake of having them, but I like to look elegant and professional. While I do like the quality and styles of some brands, I don't purchase items with ostentatious logos to appear wealthy, as that simply looks tacky. So, I have had to come to a balance where I try to keep my wardrobe and my home somewhat minimalist in style, but I can no longer consider myself minimalist because I have too many items to take that label.

Nonetheless, I also realize that having too many items in your home, wardrobe, bookshelf, etc. is not beneficial if some of these items do not serve your life goals (personal and career). Having items that do not serve your goals just take time and energy to take care of, and actually can be distracting.

For that reason, I am re-evaluating my items in the next few weeks. I will attempt to sell some on Ebay, but my experience has not been good as I only get $7 for boots that I purchased for $50, and I wonder if it is worth the time and effort of taking pictures, following and hoping for a sale, answering potential buyer questions (many of whom don't end up purchasing), preparing for shipment and then going to the post office to ship. I would appreciate your thoughts.

In regards to simplifying to keep items that are essential to your life goals and enjoyments, I have thought about the fact that the most common goal of most people is happiness or well being. We try to find it through different avenues, but I have found that the more avenues I seek at once, the more complicated and elusive happiness becomes. I look back at my happiest times in life, save for my childhood, and realize that my happiest times was when I lived my life simply. It seems ironic because consumerism tells us that we need more and more things daily. Yet, during that time, my attention was focused on a few things that brought me great joy and peace. Namely, they were, waking up early in the morning to do yoga exercises and light meditation, writing a little daily, reading a little daily (on-line or books) and cooking wholesome, healthy food (vegetarian and seafood based). Of course, I also spend a little time with friends and loved ones, but we must first look for happiness within. Those are my particular affinities. Yours might be different. Yet, self discovery is the key.

Reflecting to Simpler Times in The Past
Look back and note times when you were truly happy. Try to not to associate these times with people at first, even though there are many who are happiest giving to others or spending time with others. It is important to look within first.

Make a Goal List: Find Your Essential Joys & Dreams
Continuing the exercise above, think of your day to day activities and list them. Next, think of what activities are truly beneficial to your life goals and also activities that you enjoy. They can be both career goals as well as hobbies. Then think of the people in your life that are most important to you, and that you truly enjoy being around. Then finish your list by listing how those people incorporate into your life.


Here's an example of my life goal & activities list:

1. Reading, studying and learning about Law
2. Reading books on writing, success, personal growth, literature, art
3. Writing essays, blog posts and poetry
4. Spending Time with my husband
5. Housekeeping: My house is in no way immaculate, but when things get very cluttered or dusty, it stresses me out & distracts me very much.)
6. Cooking: I try to be healthy and cooking food at home that I choose for nutritional reasons has been beneficial for the health of myself and my family)
7. Yoga for exercise and stress relief
   
8. Spending time with close friends and family
9. Volunteering/Interning with Civic Organizations

The 3 items below are life goals, but are hobbies that I believe I engage in too much that do not support my life goals. activities that I engage in that support my interests and hobbies. They are activities that I will have

1. Sewing: I will still continue to do minor tailoring to my own clothing & it is beneficial because tailored clothes look more professional. However, I sometimes spend a whole day making a new item out of old styles that I no longer like. I do not intend on becoming a designer, so making my own clothing is just time consuming at this point. Sometimes it is better to buy an item than make it because of the opportunity cost - a day's pay is more than the amount saved on an item made in a day.)
   
2. Watching documentaries: A documentary here and there or with friends is fine, but I watch too many in the recent past, which has taken me away from my work.
3. Going to museums and galleries: This does not support my life goals and it is time consuming as it takes a few hours to get in the museum, so a trip ends up taking a whole day. This will become a activity only shared as a way of spending time with my husband or friends.

 
Find the Things that Drive You in Life
Keep items that support your life goals. Making a list of all the items you own as sometimes we are not aware of what or how much we own. For everyone, the items on the list will be different. While making the list or afterwards, categorize the different functions and goals that each item supports. This will help you to more logically evaluate how much of a certain item you need. For instance, you may find that you own 30 pairs of shoes, but only 10 are businesslike or that you can wear in multiple situations. These numbers are arbitrary, and only you know what is best for your situation.

I will expand on this topic in later blog posts, and as I achieve success in this area as well.