Journey Back to Elegant Simplicity

For someone who is a perfectionist with oneself, trying to achieve any goal satisfactory either ends up in feeling like the goal is not accomplished, but settling or giving up altogether as the ideal cannot be achieved.

While I have lived simply for a good part of my life, when I took on the formal goal during college, it took a life of it's own. I acheived a good degree of minimalism, and even had my clothing, shoes and bags combined  down to 113 items. I also brought my book collection down to less than 50 by giving away or recycling books that I would never use again, and obtaining eBook copies of ones that I would read again. However, criticism from extreme, fanatic minimalists on the web who had 20 personal items slowly broke my confidence. Criticism to a perfectionist is dreadful. I knew that I had stripped most of the excess of my items, and kept only the items that I used. I like variety and to be creative and have fun with my look, so perhaps I kept more than the extreme minimalists kept. However, all that I kept brought me joy and/or added value to my life in some way. Still, I am a consciencious person, and I did not want to look like a fake or a fraud, even though I did not feel I was one. So, in time, I slowly began to abandon my minimnalist lifestye about two years ago for several reasons: not being able to live up to the standard of being the best minimalist possible and because I fell into mild depression because my life was in a rut due to my career and lacked energy to monitor my possessions and even bought items to make myself feel better.

However, almost completely abandoning my minimalist lifestyle has made me feel so unsatisfied with myself that a few months ago, I decided to begin weeding out possessions again. In the same way that people are critical of people in the goth subculture, saying that one is not goth enough because they don't go to goth clubs, or what have you, people in the minimalist subculture will be critical. There are negative and insecure people everywhere who like to put others down to feel more special. However, when one is genuinely inclined to an interest, even with the valleys of self-doubt or setbacks, continue with interests that are genuine or authentic. I have also loved a more minimalist lifestyle for years because keeping my life simple has enabled me to focus on my true passions, such as literature, learning and creating written works.

So, although I made the decision to re-embark on more simple lifestyle again a few months ago, I am going full speed now as I can't function well with many possessions around me. Having so many things take my energy and attention, and actually make me feel more down because I am distracted from doing the things that truly bring me joy and value.

My advice to anyone embarking on a new lifestyle change - be it becoming more minimalist or even embarking on a new career- is to firstly, block out all the negative people and naysayers. Ultimately, it is your life, and no one has a right to tell you how to live. While I do not advocate being inauthentic, such as saying your're minimalist when you are really a hoarder or shopaholic, I do believe that we should all strive to be authentic and unique. We should define ourselves by ourselves and as long as we are not mocking others or their lifestyle, we are allowed to put our own spin on things.

So, in defining myself in the goal of minimalism, I would say that I aim to once again become and stay a moderate minimalist as I have been for most of my life and because I enjoy seeing the beauty in less and in the usual. I think a more appropriate term would be that I am trying to live a more simple, but still comfortable life - one of elegant simplicity as minimalism may be too restrictive a label for my tastes.

Would You Be Happy Without Friends or Possessions?

If you had no friends, no possessions or were isolated from these things for a period of time, would you still be happy?

I think that at the heart of unhappiness is unhappiness with the self.  Granted that we human are social beings, and we are phsyical beings, so we do need some social interaction and also the necessities of life, such as food, clothing and shelter. I think the things beyond the necessities of life bring us joy, such as art, music, books, and even lovely things. However, no matter how many friends we have and objects we may possess, without a healthy contentment in who we are as people, we cannot fully enjoy these things.

There are times when I have gone through periods of stress or depression, and I have purchased items, but I always knew that I am just procrastinating on facing my discomfort or discontent in a situation. Sometimes, I found that just as looking at nature's beauty brings me peace, the beauty of these objects brought me some joy. However, unlike the awe that nature inspires in me and the lessons that it teaches me, these objects soon loose their utility even in their beauty when I am struck with the reality of an apartment running out of space, money wasted or time having to care for these items. This is why I keep coming back to voluntary simplicity, and intend to stay there consistently from hereon.

However, de-cluttering or simplifying is not the entire solution to finding peace, purpose and bliss. I have seen and read a lot of films and surveys on happiness, and they often conclude that many people who have less than others are actually happier because they have a support network and a large group of friends and family. I meet people often, and I am not shy, but because I am an introvert and an HSP, I prefer to keep a small, but amazing group of friends and family. I enjoy time with them a great deal, and there is a mutual exchange of care and value,  but a part of me is well aware that I cannot rely on them for happiness or peace. In fact, after a week or several days of spending a lot of time with people, I often feel a little disconcerted and as if I need to find my center. I know that it is partly due to me being an introvert and HSP, but I also feel it is due to an existential awareness that happiness is deeper than people or things.

Happiness is not even in achievement as I know that I achieved a lot academically in my early years, but a few setbacks derailed me and made me loose confidence in my self worth as I associated it with success. I made a lot more money at my previous job than I do now, but I was still unhappy because I was not challenged and stimulated nor pursuing something creative or that I was passionate about.

From the few and wonderful moemnts and periods of bliss that I have experienced in my life, I would say that true happiness is when we are living in the moment and appreciating the moment - the good, the bad, the dark, the light - all that is around us, and when we are doing that thing that sets us afire, that comes naturally and that inspires us and is what I may dare say, we are put on this world to do. It is elusive staying in the moment or finding that thing that makes us come alive, but once you have a glimpse of it, that is what we must remind ourselves of. So, while I enjoy my family, friends and possessions, I am also had periods when I feel disconnected from others and/or disoriented with the things I own or where I am success-wise in life. These moments of inner turmoil and despair have been my teachers and reminders that I must try and keep aware of that elusive peace of the present and that driving power because nothing else has given me such pure and true peace.

DIY - Victorian goth curtain decor / Upcycling

Project: Victorian curtains
Difficulty: Medium
Time: 2 hours for a set of curtains 

I made these curtains two weeks ago, but I forgot to put the pictures of it up.

I used the linings of 2 pants for the valance and 6 yards of silver grey fabric for each curtain. I wanted a black curtain, but there is so little sunlight that gets in through our window, especially in the fall in NY, so a gauzy grey worked better.

Measure your window, cut the fabric and sew hems along both sides and the bottom. Then sew a stitch half inch from the top. Then, sew another stitch two inches away from that one or 3 inches from the top. This is to put in the curtain rod.

Now for the harder part, the valance:

Cut the lining out of a pant.

Remove all lining seams except the middle seam that joins the two pieces of cloth together.

Cut the lining into a rectangular shape. Use a ruler if necessary to get a straight fabric. Sew hems on all four corners. Then sew on tassels to it equidistant from each other.

Sew 4 rouches equidistant from each other.

Sew valance below the bottom curtain rod stitch of the grey curtain. You can see the line where the two pieces of fabric are sewn together here, but it is not noticeable when hung up. No one has noticed it, and they have complimented me on it.

Valances can be very expensive running from at least $15 up to $50 each, but they do make a difference in look as you can see. If you are on a budget like me and know how to sew and have some time, it is worth the effort to make them.

The final products.

Why Black Clothing is Versatile & Attractive

A true or blood red stirs me, such as when I see a luscious, red rose.

However, my love affair with red is not as frequent as my love affair with the color, black. I have worn and enjoyed these colors for 18 years now, and black especially is my go to color to wear or decorate with at any given moment. 

Black is by far the best color, not only loved by goths, minimalists, artists, writers, actors, priests and the French, to name a few. 

The majority of the clothing I wear is black, with the occasional dash of red, white or purple close to my face as black tends to wash me out (but which does not deter me from giving it up). Here are some of the reasons why I prefer black:

13 REASONS TO WEAR BLACK

1. It lends to an air of mystery.
   • Black is a simple, but highly complex color. Some people like to get attention from loud colors, but I think subtle attention is real attention. Personally, I am much more intrigued and attracted to a man wearing black, than one wearing color, for instance. It makes me wonder why he is so low key and not seeking attention, and makes him more intriguing. It is the same for women I meet, even just to be friends with.
2. It lends to an air of sophistication.
   • This is why the French are known to love it, why the little black dress is symbolized worldwide to be the article of clothing of elegance.Black clothing looks very elegant, even if it is just a black tshirt and jeans.
3. It matches everything.
   • This is one of my favorite ones. I can spend my time in the morning selecting lovely accessories, rather than worrying if my clothing matches. That time saved means I can have breakfast, which I have the terrible habit of skipping due to bad time management. Having only or mostly black clothing also means that you need less clothing because you don't have to worry about matching, and people don't notice as much if you wear the same item twice.
4. Easier laundry care
   • You do not have to worry about your clothes running in the laundromat if they are all the same color: black! White gets dingy after a while, and sometimes red runs in color. Even if you have a red item amongst mostly black, if it runs in the wash, it rarely shows on the black clothing.
5. Less likelihood of staining
   • I used to wear white t-shirts under black jackets, but the very day that I wore them, would be they day they got stained by pasta sauce or curry. I am not a klutz, but it seems so ironic that this always happened on the day I am wearing white or red. So, now even if I wear red, it is as an under-layer with black as the over layer or a as a bottom, such as a lovely, long red and black skirt that I have. Some of my black items do have just a trim of red lace, but they do not show stains as they are so small.
6. It is appropriate for any situation
   • Black is appropriate for work, for school, for weddings and formal occasion. I believe that at Indian weddings all black is seen as not being a festive color, although in the culture, black is also seen as the powerful color of the god Krishna and the goddess Kali. That is the only instance where I think black can be seen as inappropriate. However, the solution is easy, if you have an Indian wedding to go to, purchase a black sari with silver, gold or red decoration, or just wear a different color scarf (dupatta) with it, such as a red scarf, which is seen as good luck. Caveat, don't wear all red to an Indian or Chinese wedding as the bride usually wears that color, and white is the color of mourning in both cultures.
7. It's slimming and makes you have a nice silhouette.
8. It looks neater in your closet as well as while you are wearing it.
   • It may be personal preference, but I find that people look more put together when wearing black. Plus, in your closet, it looks very neat, and less like a cluttered mess such as when you have different colors. I am very visual and affected by colors, so it makes me calm in the morning to look into my closet and see a neat black set of clothing.
9. It lends to an air of confidence and intelligence. 
   • People wearing black always seem more refined ore intelligence to me. It evokes a confidence that one does not have to call attention to oneself or proove anything to others, which is the true measure of confidence in my opinion.
10. It is a powerful color.
    • Think of the black suit, the priest's robe, the color of the gods Krishna and Kali, etc. These are all symbols of power.
11. It is a sexy color.
    • I can't describe it, but the look of black lace or a man in a black t-shirt and jeans is incredibly sexy. It may be due to all the associations with black that I have made thus far, or black just has that effect in itself.
12. It makes me feel at home in myself.
    •  This is the whole reason that I started loving and wearing mostly black. It was not because my friends were all wearing black or because some magazine told me that black was trendy to wear. It just felt right and comfortable when I wear it, like I am sinking into my own skin.
13. It makes shopping easy and saves time. 
    • I have no worries about going through racks of clothing to find the perfect hue or item that will go with something else. My second worn color is red, and sparingly, green. However, I only like one hue in both of those colors - blood red and hunter green. There are time where I have purchased items and the color looks different in different lighting, which is very frustrating and time consuming to have to do the return process. With black, it's black in the store and black at home. Time saved.

1. Please share why you enjoy wearing black.

Reclaim Your Passion & Alievate Depression & Anxiety

I had streaks in my hair from 1996 to 2000, and then in 2008 and 2009.  Removing my streaks always coincided with my work as a paralegal because law is such a conservative field. I have missed my streaks and always felt not completely myself to have to hide to some extent who I was because of a job.

While I enjoy law a great deal and how it can benefit society, I know that I am too introverted and although I am emotionally strong, I am also a highly sensitive person, qualities that do not correlate to being involved in prosecution, human rights or environmental law as it requires a lot of activism and a very thick skin. I have been writing poetry for 20 years on and off, and wanted to be a writer when I was younger, and even started college as an English major. However, I had told my mom when I was a pre-teen and even in my teen years that I wanted to be a lawyer. I wanted to make her proud, so I stuck in the field, although I found it difficult to my psyche to subsist in such a ruthless, money driven field, even in the creative side of corporate law, trademarks and copyrights.

After a few therapy sessions, my therapist told me she found it interesting that I wanted to go to law school solely to become a law professor, and not to be a lawyer. I found out that one has to have legal practice experience as a lawyer to teach law. The prospect of having to practice corporate law to pay off law school loans of $150,000 to $180,000  it made me so anxious that I decided to re-evaluate my choice to go to law school. Therapy is a beneficial exercize, but I stopped going to the therapist after 5 sessions because she was telling me things I already knew as I am very self aware and can't afford to pay someone to tell me what I know.  I decided to take the LSAT prep test after only a month and a half of serious study 3 days a week, and I got 160. I was shocked at this because I was terrified of doing so badly on the LSAT that I put off studying for it for a whole year. I took a second pre-test to see if the first was just luck, and scored 168.  The interesting thing is that after taking test, I realized that the main reason I wanted to go to law school was to make my mom proud. I am good at English and writing, and more-so, passionate about literature and poetry, but they are not practical majors or fields where your parents can be proud of you, especially traditional parents like mine. It made me realize that as unconventional as I have been all my life, and willing to challenge what mainstream society thinks, in the area of career, I confirmed to what is expected of me because I wanted to make my mom proud as well as to be looked upon favorably by others as a success. However, in doing so, I was also stifling who I was.

I never lost my love for English. I excelled in my classes, continue to write poetry, prose and essays and read literature. I have decided to go back to this passion for literature, writing and language and study for the GRE for to get into an English MA program.

Making this decision has freed a barrier in me and to celebrate the return to my passion and myself, I have decided to redo my streaks that I gave up and have missed to pursue something other than my passion.