The Dacoit of Consumption
I am a little ashamed to admit it, but I have to admit how I realized that the simple lifestyle was for me. It was when I realized that I had spent close to $10,000 on clothing, books and other possessions in the span of 3 years, of which I retained 50% and discarded the rest because I did not have the space to store them. When I realized that I had done a complete 180 against my values and who I was by obtaining these possessions, but rather succumbed to criticism and confirmed to gain approval. I was so trouble and disgusted with myself that I had wasted so much time and money on things - things that essentially had little significance to me, but that bound me.
For most of my life, I had never been a materialist or a consuming person nor I did not care about fitting into the image of society. I actually dressed a bit eccentrically in junior high, high school and college, but the criticism about the quality and brands of my clothing from my friend and her husband got to me after my divorce because my self esteem was at an all time low. So, my consumption started after my divorce at age 23. I became very unsure of the future, seeing that I had wasted 5 years with someone who I had no future with, and with whom being with actually delayed my education. I also felt very alone and for the first time in my life, wanted the approval of others of my choice in career and even when it came to how I looked. I started buying things partially because I wanted my friends approval because she was doing well in her career, and I was trying to build my own after my divorce. I also started buying things because I was not happy in the career field I was in, and placated my unhappiness by purchasing things, rather than getting out of that field. I suppose there was even a false sense of security I having objects around me because I was so afraid to make a move to what I really wanted in life.
The Beginning of Simplicity
Yet, as I accumulated more things, it lead me further from myself, and every time I looked at the pile of clothing, shoes, handbags and books, I felt confused and depressed at the same time. I just could not take the stress of having so much stuff, and constantly having to organize, store and clean them. I started thinking back to when I last really felt like myself, and realized that throughout my childhood, teenage years, and college, I never had more than had 5 pairs of jeans, 5 dress pants and 10 tops and sweaters, but I was happy as I spent my time doing things I really enjoyed, rather than shopping or taking care of material possessions. I had very few clothing, handbags or shoes, but still took pride in looking well and treasuring the few unique items that I had. This was very different to the state in which I was in with 3 closets full of clothing, much of which I wore just because I felt guilty for having them. I had hundreds of clothing items, almost 100 shoes and 30 handbags. It was insane!
I realized that I needed to let go of the fears, the false sense of security and the blame on myself or others. It was nota about him, my friend , my mother or society. It was about recapturing who I am and what I want for my life. I knew that what I wanted was not to own an insurmountable library or wardrobe, but to really life again and do the things I really enjoy and start the goals I wanted to accomplish. To do so, I knew I had to just plunge myself into a new lifestyle, or I would continue drowning as I had been for the last few years.
The one difficult measure for me when I started a simpler lifestyle a year and a half ago was making the decision to donate and throw away 50% of my clothing, which I knew I did not really care for. I was wreaked with guilt at having spent so much money on them, when I could have used it to further my education or for charity. I also realized that I held on to a lot of items that were not in well enough shape to be donated because I didn’t want to contribute to the terrible landfill problem in the U.S. Yet, I knew I had to do it. The costs of buying the items were sunk costs, and it continued to cost me in time to take care of them, and it cost my peace of mind to look at them with feelings of frustration.
Letting go emotionally and mentally
So if you are starting out on a simpler path, look at what you own with reflection, so you will not make the same mistakes of buying things again, but do not dwell on the past. Face the past. You made many mistakes by buying these items, but you can start anew. Let go of the guilt of having wasted money, of having to throw away items that cannot be donated, and of the guilt of not having used many of the items that you donate or throw away. Use the awareness of your mistake to make a solemn vow that you will never buy things that you do not need in the present. Realize by present, I mean things that are absolutely important today, and not for a phantom need in the near future. It is better to make do with a few items, than have excessive items that you may never use.
Make a plan
To begin to reduce when you have loads of items in front of you can be a bit daunting, but it is easier if you make some rules for yourself. For one thing, you can make categories for your activities such as those I expound on in my previous post about Wardrobe Shopping Rules, and pare down items to fit into those categories. If you have so many items that you have difficulty even paring them into categories, make some rules for yourself on what kind of items you are going to keep, such as only in flattering colors or fabrics.
Only keep books that you are actually interested in reading in the present. Textbooks and training materials for your current profession are exceptions.
Shut your brain off as you would do when meditating when you start arguing with yourself about the necessity of items. If you take more than a few minutes in deciding if you need an item, put the items in a bag in the back of your closet. At the end of the season, or at the end of 6 months, if you have not used the items, donate or discard them.
Odds are that you really would never need these items anyway, and you can always get it in the future if you are in dire need of it. If you are thinking, “It will cost a lot more in the future than what I got it for”, remember that you can buy the item in a thrift shop for a moderate price in the future, while also helping charity and not contributing to the landfills. Also, contrary to what the media and fashion magazines tell you, there is no such thing as the perfect bag, shoe, shirt, etc. No material possession is perfect as it does not satisfy the need of the soul.
Create Further Rules as Needed
A simpler lifestyle occurs in steps and requires constant vigilance and reflection. All desires start in the mind, so you have to be mindful of the influence of the things around you. I began to take scenic routes away from stores because they not only allowed me to appreciate nature, but also to not be tempted by the items I saw in stores. I stopped going into stores to browse, and went created lists before entering so I would buy the items I need and leave right away. I never bought items on sale unless I needed it in the present.
I had no trouble paring down my books, and got electronic versions of many classics to put on my book reader that my boyfriend purchased for my birthday.
I initially only kept clothing in natural fibers (cotton, silk, cashmere, merino wool) and in colors that I liked and that were flattering on my skin. However, a few months into my path, I realized that I still had too many clothing and would like even more stringent rules if I wanted to pare my items down more. So I decided to keep my tops to only a 3 color scheme (one shade of blue, french/nude pink, black and white patterns, two leopard print tops for fun), and my bottoms to only 3 colors – tan, grey and black. My handbags and shoes are also neutral colors – tan, brown and black. So now, all my tops match my bottoms and my accessories. It is so freeing not to worry about if I have clothing to match. I don’t have to waste time wondering what to buy to match clothing when I do shop, and do not waste money or effort buying things that will not match my wardrobe.
Create and Remember Your Goal
When I started pursuing a simpler lifestyle, my goal was to pare down my clothing and books to 3 large suitcases. It took me some time to get to that goal because although I pared down my books and everyday clothing, I still had many shoes and formal wear occasion items. I only have 2 quality formal dresses now.
I still don’t think all of my books and possessions will fit into 3 suitcases at this time. I think realistically they will fit into 4 suitcases (except for coats since they are bulky for NY weather). However, keeping my goal to 3 suitcases keeps me motivated to not bring any more items in, and periodically reassess what I currently have. I have chosen 3 suitcases as my ultimate goal because if I had to relocate, I think that will make it an easy move. I like the sense of not being bound by my possession to any physical abode.
This gives me the impetus to read some of the books I still have or donate them as they take up one suitcase. I think there are a few more pairs of shoes I can donate also. It’s time for another inventory to see what more I can pare down.
Freedom from Attachment
I think the most important thing I can say about a simpler lifestyle for me is that is has been a spiritual journey for me. It has put me in touch of what I really need in this world to be happy. Vigilance of the mind has kept me going, as well as the knowledge and feeling of peace and freedom that comes with letting go. As you let go of possessions, you open up space not only in your home, but also in your life for things that really matter.
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