Due to a comment from one of the readers of my blog, I started thinking about how one may embark on and sustain a simple or minimalist lifestyle if your partner or house mate is not on board.
It is not an easy task, but it can be done, especially if you have similar life values. If is of course difficult if you are a stark minimalist, and are living with a partner who is very into consumerism and material things.
My husband is very low maintenance and minimalist in his needs, but he is adverse to me discard his things without his permission or unless he is ready. He also has his favorite items, which I have understood, even if they are old, he has to discard on his own time.
Here are some tips for living with someone who does not desire a simpler or minimalist lifestyle.
1) Commit to your choice to embark in this lifestyle, and become aware of your reasons for it.
2) Explain your reasons for it, such as more freedom to travel or to focus on things you enjoy. Explaining your reasons, especially if you both have similar life goals, can encourage and inspire your partner to reduce as well. If it does not inspire them, they will at least respect your decision, and not pressure you to have more items. If you are passionate about your reasons, telling someone also holds you accountable, and will inspire you to keep with it as well.
3) Realize and accept that even if you have achieve the optimal minimalism you want, your partner may never want to embark on this lifestyle. That being said, try to have a spirit of acceptance of their decision to choose their own path. Mutual respect is the first step in making compromise. Don't throw away their items without their permission. For an extreme example, hoarders and pack-rats just accumulate more stuff when organizers, clean-up crews or family members throw away their stuff. They have to be active in the decision making, and see value in getting rid of stuff. You can bring up items to their attention in a gentle way once in a while if they have excessive of some items or items that are in bad condition, and ask them if they need it although it is so old or need so much.
4) If space allows, delineate a space for your stuff and a space for theirs. Keep your area as simple or minimalist as you would like, and allow them to do as they please with theirs as long as they don't encroach on your space. You may need to discuss this to have a compromise and understanding. Seeing your simple or minimalist area may even inspire them. I am always more inspired to minimize when I look at minimalist homes.
5) As you get more on your path, share with them your feelings and realizations regarding the instrinsic values that you have attained and experienced as you have let go of your stuff. Do not do it in a condescending way or to persuade them, but in a way that you are just expressing yourself to them. They may be inspired by the joy and freedom you experienced, and want to minimize as well.
6) If your partner's or house-mate's habits become excessive pack-rat or hoarder behavior, you may need to talk to them gently about whether they have a deeper psychological issue that they need to deal with. At that point, you should talk it through with them, but if the behavior is not healthy for them, you may want to suggest professional help or ask a friend or family member to speak to them alone or with you as a matter of intervention.
Above all, don't let the actions of others sway you from your goal of undertaking a simpler lifestyle. Respect their choices as well as long as it is not excessive. I hope that these tips help, and I welcome any others.
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